Tuesday, October 6, 2009

30: The Reinvention of Me


Yes, well I am so thankful and ready to let go of the woman that I was in my 20’s. My 20’s were full of growing pains and what we will call CHARACTER BUILDING EXPERIENCES. My 30s are going to be so much better. I plan on reinventing the woman I was in my 20s and here are a few things that I have realized.

Here is my Flirty 30 List:



1. I can truly say that I have seen God move in my life. There were several times in my 20s when I thought that I couldn’t make it or couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. He brought me through and is always in my corner – TRUST and FAITH.


2. I now like the reflection that stares back at me in the mirror and can say I love her.


3. Every time that I look in the mirror and see my daddy. I think about him and wonder if he is proud of me and I even stare in the mirror sometimes and feel him looking back at me. It brings me peace. When I lost my father, I lost a piece of me but the reflection in the mirror gives me hope in grief.


4. I am trying to find my passion as far as work but UNEMPLOYMENT will do that to you. I have worked and have had a wonderful career where I have made lots of people lots of money. I have learned a lot and taken good notes. I have also been unappreciated, overworked and underpaid but I have made some strong relationship too. However at this moment Freckles needs a job!


5. I now understand the saying be careful what you speak – as the journey to the 30 came about. I recognized that there were some things (love, people, feelings etc) that I was not going to take into 30. I said it and said it believing that it was going to be a grown up things that would just people and possibly some not so sexy habits. However I did not realize that it would be my father and my job. Both were very life changing and could not have imagined it was going to be like this but I will embrace this change and be a better woman because of it.


6. I am more like my mother and father than I would have ever expected. My mother is an awesome woman and I blessed that she is my mother. (thanks mom – she reads my blog too sometimes).


7. I enjoy taking pictures of myself at different angles and in different moments. I like to take pictures for sharing and some for private. Once upon a time I didn’t think that I was good enough, pretty enough or important enough but now I am and I am worthy. So now I suppose that it is why I love taking my picture of ME.


8. I LOVE Shoes!!! Stilleto Queen. I like them high, strappy and super sexy – however I have not had the opportunity to Get In but that is another conversation. (FULL TEETH SMILE) Shoes make me feel good. I have been through a multitude of sizes over the last 10 years. Again, my 20s – ugh! Ladies, check out my blog on that. I am sure that you will all feel me on that subject.


9. I try to keep a notebook in my purse at all times. Just in case I hear something or feel something worth possibly writing about. I have a number of topics that I would like to write about and keep them in my notebook with notes. It’s like carrying a baby. Some stories you have to nourish and hold onto until they are ready to deliver.


10. I have a hard time smiling through pain and not showing my emotions on my face. I hope that this is something that I will grow out of a bit in my 30s but I do see it happening anytime soon. I am going to work on controlling it better.


11. I am a recovering grudge holder. I have moment where I feel the way that I feel and have a hard time letting go. When I feel like I have been wronged I hold onto it even when the grudgee has moved on. I have let go of a lot of things that I tried to hold onto in my 20s. I am glad that they are not coming into my 30s.


12. I am sometimes overly flirtatious. Too sensual and too touchy feely. It sometimes turns into too sexual but that is possibly a blog within itself so I will leave that at that.


13. I am so blessed to be surrounded by good people. I mean truly genuine people that have loved me in spite of me.


14. It is very easy to be negative and often a little harder to be positive. I succumb to the negative sometimes but try to find a way to pass through it. There are so many things to be thankful for in life. The simple things like waking up and being able to do breath, walk, see or hear. I have often found myself concerned about what I do not have or cannot do. I lose sight of the little things. In my 30s I will be sure to speak what I am thankful for everyday.


15. I am a bit of an attention whore but DON’T JUDGE ME! Lol. It is not as bad as it use to be but it is what it is and I recognize this thing about me.


16. Flaws can be Fab – there will be a blog about this one day but right now it is still in the womb.


17. I am more in tune with my strengths and weaknesses than ever before.


18. I haven’t always loved me but growth is an amazing process.


19. I can appreciate finding love and losing love and I look forward to finding love again.


20. I don’t have a ticking clock and I have come to terms with it. I am not particularly desiring motherhood. My mother cannot appreciate this fact but not every little girl grows up to want to be a mother but I do want to be a wife. If the Lord blesses me with a husband it may be negotiable but other than that – I’m Good!


21. I believe in being discreet. It is not on the sneaky tip but there are something and situations that are not for all or anyone to know.


22. The truth sometimes hurts but does set you free. Once upon a time I was insecure and felt the need to be validated by things, people or titles. Once I accepted that it was not about the things or people and moreso of a need that I thought I needed – I was set free. It hurt and hurt other people but it’s not always about them.


23. I can no longer apologize for the past. It has happened and there is nothing I can do to change it. If I hold onto it any longer I will not be able to move forward.


24. I am entitled to feel how I feel. (as in period)


25. I am addicted to Facebook but having a hard time getting a handle on Twitter.


26. I often wonder if I will ever grow out of being boy/man crazy. I love men!!! Especially black men. I do not want to discriminate but I love brothas… mmmmmm!


27. I am still trying to let go of regret – this is a work in progress.


28. I love Charms blow pop. I believe that I have an oral fixation. It is mainly when I am drinking. I always have them in my purse.


29. When I love I love hard and don’t like my love to be mishandled but I am more open to it than some.


30. George Bernard Shaw said it best “Life isn’t finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself". I have never had a problem with turning 30 and in fact I embrace it. I believe that it will be a better than my 20s and I am going to be a better woman.

5 comments:

E said...

Helluva list...I know damn well it would take me about 30 days to come up with a list of 30 things without sounding repetitive...

Daydreaming said...

I feel you girl. We are two in the same. i turn 30 in a few days. It's going to be a reinvention for me too. I love shoes, I love to draw, I love makeup, I love me some brothas, I love my freckles.

Citizen Ojo said...

What a list!!!!

Freckles said...

E - I read you all the time brotha and I am sure it would not tak you too long.

Daydreaming - blessings sista. Happy birthday mama!!! What are your plans?

Citizen - Thank you sweetie. The truth comes easy.

The Other Woman said...

30 was good for me. This is an amazing list.

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