Monday, April 13, 2009

If I needed you to replenish my faith in brothas - Could you?

If I needed you to replenish my faith in brothas
Could you do it?
Well… Could you??? Not that I don’t have much faith in brothas but I am curious to know if I am worth you restoring my faith… I believe that I am. Hmmmm… I do not think that I am asking too much of any man. Would you be the man that I need you to be to me and for me? Will you share your heart with me? Will you share your aspirations, motivation and inspirations? Will you give me you? Could you make me feel…? BACKGROUND: Once upon a time men and women courted one another. There was a time when the little things made a difference. What happened to that? We identify one another by status, organizations, education, beliefs. I am not sure if this makes sense to anyone else… but I am tryin to pull it out o my head clearly. Ok. There was a time when a woman’s worth was priceless. Like property, some women do not recognize their worth and just settle to exist in this world… (Bringing down the property value). Always those few that do not appreciate a man that does great things to fulfill happiness. Saying that to say. I was sitting at my desk listening to Jill Scott (Who Is Jill Scott?: Words and Sounds, Vol. 1). Yes I am still bumpin that CD. It was a great CD. Now that I can appreciate love, thoughts and emotions little more. I am really feeling it. But really… as I was saying… I was listening to Jill and one of the songs near the end of the CD came on… “Show Me”. This song sort of got me today. I finally listened to the words. I am one to always feel inspired by lyrics or poetry. I love the possibilities of thoughts or each person’s point of view. There is something magical about us reading the same line and getting something totally different from it…. SIDETRACKED. Constantly talkin' bout how muchYou love me want me need meYou told me stop talkin'.No more conversation necessary The words spoke to me differently today. In reflection with my dealings with men (black men), I have learned that there are things that are discussed in the beginning. Some of us (women) say what we believe to be the right things at the moment and not necessarily our truth as we see it but we want the man. We have an expectation of we want of brothas. I have always tried to be upfront and honest in most instances. The few times that love crossed my path, it felt good and special but never truly spiritual now that I think back. I tend to give me all to a man. Not necessarily a bad thing but when it is not reciprocated… Again, I say, I am not sure if this makes since to anyone else but… we shall see. When I love. I love hard. When I want you part of my world, I attempt not to question it. When I am involved with a brotha… it is never a question as to how I feel. I tend to sometimes wear my emotions on my sleeve. At this point in my life, as for relationships are concerned - I am not settling. I can not tell a man how to be a man nor can I tell a man how to be my man. He has to show me. If you love me and truly believe that you love me, show me. If you love me, really love me, there should not be any issue with letting me really know you – giving me the opportunity to love you back. Have you ever been so into someone that you can feel them when they are way? MAGICAL, right??? Then compare that to being so into someone that only give you a little bit. Only lets you in a little bit. So into someone that holds back from you…
Jill sings…Your word is love but you push me Away and won't say whyYou show me your exterior I need toSee your interiorI needs to beAbsolutely clear wit cha if we areTo eva stand a chanceIt's the last dance. Don't cha see? Show me the warrior you're born to be
If you love me like you say that you do, there should be no problem fighting for our love right??? I mean really… Is some love really worth fighting for? Is that truly part of the foundation? When building a house, they clear the place of whatever was there first, and then they prepare the ground for the cement. The preparation is hard. It is full digging through all the matter that has grown tough and hard like old clay. After all that has been dug up and prepared – then the new foundation is poured, the cement. It takes some time for that to dry and get hard but once it does it ready for the house to be built on top of it. If you have ever paid attention, the development of the ground takes the longest to get together.
RELATIONSHIPS – I believe are the same way. It takes some time to get through the baggage then once you move past that it takes some time to get to know w person. You learn them and their ways. If you are blessed to make through that time then you are ready to build your house. So through all of that… Isn’t it worth having your home? Something that you call your own. You love it… right??? You do whatever you can to make it better. Why not the same care for a mate??? If I, being the woman that I am honest with a man, truly honest. Then there is an opportunity to succeed. If I am not feeling a return on my investment, where does that leave me? MY REFLECTION: If you love me and you want to be with me. You love with all my faults… truly believe in what are developing. What is the problem with letting me in your world? It should be time out for what you want me to see. Here I am – nakedly me with all my faults and potential. Where are you?
Anything worth having is worth working for and it sure is not free.

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