Sunday, April 26, 2009

Feeling Some Kind of Way Volume 1

Well, I guess nothing is something and everything all at the same time. I am just feeling some kind of way. Nothing truly in particular but I do have a need to vent and let go of some of this shit that I am feeling. I apologize for my tone but at this moment, it is what it is. At this moment I am feeling some kind of way; well I guess I already said that huh? I feel like it should be my turn. I am ready so I think. I want my turn. My turn to be happy, complete, complacent, loved, in love, cared about fucked and even mentally penetrated. Shit I deserve all of those things. I also deserve to be comfortable in my own skin.
There is always something and I am tired. I am tired of women treating men like shit and always having one. I am tired of men being with women that don’t seem to respect them. I am tired of men feeling like its ok to be married but express that they want a little something on the side. I am tired of the women that made it alright for that man to have a little something on the side. I am tired of women that seem to give their all and get nothing in return. I am tired of men that don’t give enough but feel like its "the man's" fault. I am tired of men thinking that women are impressed with what they got and tired women thinking that being cute is an occupation. I am tired of the men that cosign their shit. I am just tired of bullshit. I am tired of the kind of bullshit that is foul, stinky, funky, misleading, uncomfortable, slow screwed, hurtful, malicious, unkind and incomplete. I am tired of bullshit that lacks, experience, LOVE, heart, care and ambition. The kind of bullshit that fucks with your head, your heart and you thoughts. The kind that steals your joy and leaves empty. I am especially tired of folks being INCONSIDERATE (in·con·sid·er·ate).
I understand that this is an epidemic. We are all guilty and sometimes don’t know that we are doing it. I do my best to consider everyone’s feelings and sometimes I slip but it is not with malicious intent. I am more so referring to folks that are intentionally thoughtless and completely careless of others. The kind of people that believe that it is all about them and everyone else is on their time or schedule. The kind of people that don’t take the time to understand someone else’s point of view. The kind of folk that do not take a second to consider someone's feeling or their heart or anything other than what they feel at the moment. You know what you have done and that was some inconsiderate bullshit dude.
I am tired of feeling like I am selling my soul for emotional game. Tired of knowing that empty wrappers and being what they want me to be. I am tired of faking out of the me I am supposed to be. I am tired of not being appreciated. I am tired of not being the one but making them the ones. I am tired of LOVE not letting me in. I am tired of not feeling understood. I am tired of these WOE IS ME MOMENTS. I am just tired of bullshit.On the positive side of things. I am happy of the woman that I am slowing becoming. I am glad that God has given me the opportunity to fall in love with me. I am glad that I am finally at a point of looking in the mirror and liking the image that looks back. I am blessed to be ok with me. I am happy that I have freckles... everywhere. I like what I like and it’s alright. I am and will be the freak I need to be.To be completely honest. I just don’t feel the need to settle for shit, sloppy seconds or not having the complete package. I am better than that and at this moment....
I am just feeling some kind of way and that is alright too.

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