The wind blew and the trees
swayed while the rain began to fall. The rain was cold in competition with the
crispiness of the air. The sky grew dark
and the colors were many shades of gray. The feel was somber and my spirit felt a nervous
calmness. The storm was coming. The clouds were full of despair and at the
capacity with only the ability to release all of sadness, frustration, anger and
most of all fear. Fear of the absolute
unexpected and the realization that destruction looms.
Destruction has been a constant
the last few years. It has been
surrounding and affecting so many people as well as impacting all that has been
obtained, collected, built and established.
The storm has no regard to these matters and is insistent on releasing
all the pressure. As the sky begins to
cry slowly the air continues to chill. The
shift in the temperature unsettles the spirit and seeking a refuge is the initial
thought with worry straddling behind.
The wind becomes fierce and the tree sway becomes more of an uncoordinated
rock. There was a brief calm before the
sky let loose and the anger unconstrained in the form of rain. The roar was reminiscent of a train and the
lighting lit the sky almost like a fireworks show. It is kind of amazing how poetic darkness and
light can be in the midst. In that
moment I could relate to the storm. It
is almost scary how relevant the storm is to life.
Life is happening and can be a
constant cyclone of emotion, a hurricane of disasters and more than enough rain
to either have overflow of feelings. Far
too often I feel alone in the storm without a direction or any sort of
peace. All the matters of my heart
conflict and rage into a frenzy that works me up and out without any regard to an
outlet. I don’t know which way to turn,
who to talk to or if anyone tends to care about all the shit that is currently
going in my head. There is no regard for
wrong right or indifferent. There are
only feelings. Not enough this or desire
for more of that, too much distance, family and friends under and over attack,
not knowing where the next is coming from.
To not be sure if love is enough and if the transition will make me or
break me down and if I will crumble under the pressures. I miss my daddy and I need him to help put
all of this into perspective.
My heart is heavy and full. I tend to hold it all within but far too
often the load gets heavy and there’s need for release. Sometimes it doesn’t all make sense and
everything is everywhere. There have
been so many natural disasters in the form of storms happening and life still continues. No one is exempt from the storm no matter the
race, orientation, and sex or other. We
all go and grow through things. We all
have a tendency to feel overwhelmed with life and the storm sometimes seems to
be the most destructive circumstances. I’m
grateful that I am able to endure the storms of life and watch the aftermath flourish. We can survive.
