Single in This City (LA): WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?

Why are you single?

 

 

Shit dude, I don’t know

Once Upon a time I said it’s just not my turn but after further review it may be that

I have not met a man that is man enough to be my man.

 

Please do not take me out of context. I am not attempting to low key derogatory at all. It is a simple statement that makes some men instantly defensive. I try to not offend folks but I am also entitled to feel how I feel. So let me explain a bit.

 

At this point in my life, I am very much in tune with my strengths and my weaknesses. I know my flaws and some of them I am working on and some of them I am not. Just being honest. Very rarely, am I able to hear someone tell me something about me that I do not already know about myself. I pretty much know when I am as wrong as two left shoes and what is worth fighting for. I believe in picking my battles and making sure that I am heard. All this to say, I have a strong personality and a strong disposition. I have some old school attributes. I respect my role as a woman. I have been through some character building experiences that have blessed me to be comfortable in my own skin. I understand where I come from and I trust God to guide me where I am going. I understand and believe that there is a divine order in life – check your guide to life (The Bible, of course).

 

I need a man that is all of the above too. I need a man that will be strong where I am weak and want pull me up – vice versa. I need a man that loves himself enough to love me. One that loves the concept and work that love has to offer. He should want to take care of me – not only financially but spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. One that is secure in his role as a man and all that it entails. He should want to be the head and not the tail. He should want to be my man and eventually my husband. I need a man that has a backbone, zest and zeal. He should be ambitious and not desire to be complacent. He should truly want to be a we with me. I should be able to encourage him, uplift him and motivate him to be a better man for not only me but for himself. I should be able to be his best friend and his lover. He should feel the divine order of our existence and want to be together through all of life’s trials and tribulations and be able to be thankful for it all not only when it is good. He should believe in God and want to pray for me and with me. 

• I am single because that man has not been sent to me from the Creator just yet but I know he is coming. I am single because I choose not to settle for less than I am entitled to for the sake of having someone.
• I am single because I am whole and complete without one though I would love to have one that perfectly created just for me.
•  I am single because he hasn’t found me yet.

I meet men all the time and everywhere. I generally like to go with the flow. No pressure and a little pleasure. Take the time to get to know someone and feel them out. Spend some time and learn each other. I don’t immediately go for the lockdown conversation nor do I continually bring up commitment. I like for it to just happen mutually and on its own timing. Again, No pressure. Let’s just enjoy the ride. Let’s enjoy some beer, chicken wings and possibly some football. CHILLAX! Then I get, you are so cool. I didn’t know you were so cool. I am not ready for a relationship. It’s complicated. In my head it doesn’t have to be. Then there is a need for a break. However the next women, is apparently the right one and he is ready. I again have made a man wonderful for someone else. It’s frustrating. One man even said thank you. Thank you for what??? But whatever. He wasn’t meant for me and that is ok.

 

Please do not misunderstand me again, I am not complaining and I am so not a woman scorned or any of that. I just see things in a realistic sense. I am ok with being single. There are some things that I prefer not to deal with. I like that I am able to come and go as I please. I love that I am able to feel up my closet with as many shoes as possible with no regards to sharing any of the space. As a friend once said, I love that I can clap my hands when Cameo says Single Ladies Clap Your Hands.

Dear Mr. Unavailable (an open letter)

Dear Mr. Unavailable,

It has always been a matter of time. The time has always been bad but for a moment I thought that this time was going to be the best time to finally be the right time instead of next time. Silly me. Not really but it is all relative.

It is very sad for me that our time has ended. Our friendship seems to be completely at a lost and it hurts more than I can articulate at this moment to say good bye, especially since you have been in my life for so long. We have watched ourselves grow up and now apart with all things in between. Honestly, I miss you already but I will always have the moments, conversation with no words and smiles across the room full of inside jokes. You moved me. Made me smile and feel some things that I hadn’t in a while. Thank you for making me capable of feeling again. You were once honest, caring and adoring. Like Donnie, Giving up is so hard to do but my light of hope is burning dim.  I appreciate that you were there. It feels strange to not have you as a go to but as some say, it is what it is. There are so many things that need to be said face to face. There are even some things that should probably not be said too. I hope that one day we will have that conversation of closure and when you are ready I will be available of course unlike yourself.

I am thankful to have had a friend like you in my life. I meant and to an extent continue to mean all things said. I wish we coulda woulda shoulda but at this time again, it is what it is as you are who/what/how/where you are. I’m going to accept it all as is and choose to let you go. Do know we were friends and our friendship was to be admired and appreciated. The timing may come around one day but that was not this day but until then I will just see you next lifetime.

Good Luck with Life’s Journey Old Friend.

Freckles

Wash and Rinse: It Will ALL Come Out!

Like the old folks say, if it doesn’t come out in the wash it will truly come out in the rinse. You can only front for so long and there is no future in the fronting…

Word.

(to the mutha)

When people show you who they are – BELIEVE THEM!!! Often too many times we become infatuated with people, things, circumstances and situations. We are so in the clouds that we are completely oblivious to what’s going around on the ground. We have all been guilty a time or two. We hesitate to the time to see some of the obvious. The signs are generally there and it is choice to ignore or deal.

In my fantasy world there is nothing but good people that have nothing but the best intentions in my life. People that do not lie, cheat or steal. People that are only wonderful and decent in the human sense. People that do not lack consistency or integrity. People that do not back bite and/or talk about you behind your back in a derogatory manor. People that do not go around trying to find things that may or may not be there and then further their detective skills. People that don’t feel the need to say things that they do not manipulate in order to get what they want. People that you can take for their word at ALL times.

FANTASY… yes, however I know that those people do exist but it’s always astonishing to have to learn this lesson again. It gets me when people aren’t who, what or how they present themselves.

It’s like when you get a pretty black velvet box tied in a Tiffany Blue ribbon. You are extremely with immediate anticipation of what could be inside. Once you have it in your hand the anxiety plunges out of your pores, drips down your spine and your chest tightens. Awesome! Right? Then you untie the tiffany blue ribbon and open the pretty black velvet box – NOTHING! TOTAL & COMPLETE DISAPPOINTMENT hugs you tightly and you are instantly overcome with perplexed curiosity. Why? What is this? Where is the wonderful thing that is supposed to be inside? Some cry. Some scream. Some sit in concern. Some things like people are not always as they seem or are presented.

That is how it feels to me when people present themselves like a pretty velvet box. I love gifts and especially the kind that come in velvet boxes. They look good, talk good and truly seem awesomely perfect. Then something happens and they show you who they really are – an empty box.

Actions always speak louder than words and talk is so cheap and unnecessary. I keep having to learn this lesson and I am doing my best not to harden my heart  towards folks and their fuckery.  I know I cannot control people but I would appreciate them taking a moment to get their acts together.  I would like to believe in the great good of all people and until I feel crossed I do.  I try to to treat all folks with the utmost respect and dignity.  I try not to be the person that I talk about.  I can only hope that it will all come out in the wash and rinse.

Some of the best advice given was from my friend’s father. He said,  So very true.

Once you know how people are, conduct yourself accordingly.

Thanks Mr. V!

When people show you who they are… BELIEVE THEM! Though they (not sure who they are) say that presentation is everything, it is nothing without preservation. Keep it Trill Folks!!!

btw, you know who you are.

I want to kiss you...

There is nothing like the power of a kiss. Especially when you have the opportunity to kiss someone special. To be able to lay in the bed with someone and just kiss them. Be so close to them that you can feel their heart beat in sync with yours and just kiss them. Feel the softness of their lips against yours. Be so close that you can feel their breath and feel them breathe. Steady and smooth and constant. A multitude of passion pecks follow.

Kissing him makes me feel close and in my dreams he loves me and me only. In that same breath it is our escape of all the worries of the world. It is just he and I and me and he. Together in a kiss of passion and pain to sorrow and joy. Within that moment there is only two. two arms touch two hearts holding two souls that caress two lips in one kiss followed by another then another then another. It all feels so good and oh so right. It is safe, secure, uncomplicated, uncompromising. He being he joined with me being me equaling us in plethora of kisses. One here, one there and one here followed by another there and there. The ability to be one with self to another. Mutually beneficial, sensationally sweet, delectably passionate, particularly intimate and sensual but not at all sexual. I can feel his attraction rise without the need to penetrate his infatuation. Kissing him makes me feel special and give me the ability to hear his words without his speaking them. It is honest, true and sincere which makes me think of the most High where it is written to focus your mind on whatsoever is pure. His lips make me understand that and be there for him - be his friend and one day his companion but in this moment we just kiss. No expectations. No motives. Just the magic of kiss that leaves me wanting more.

~LOVE, Peace and My Freckled Words~

caramel kisses

heart to heart
cheek to cheek
me breathing you
you sucking me all in
full eye contact
then
lip to lip
soft, sensual, secure
no complications
any further would be so wrong, yet so right
i was his and he was mine.
we were together and it felt good and oh so right
our melody was harmonious
and each crescendo was felt.
it was magical.

Dear Mr. Unavailable (i want you)

Dear Mr. Unavailable,

You have been on my mind and I have been thinking about you. I have been thinking about wanting you and not being able to indulge in the matter. It isn’t always sexual but we tend to connect mentally. I heard you when you said that I was your spiritual mate. The connection has always been powerful and I can hardly stay to the passion. However we have been so close but not close enough. Our paths have paralleled but yet to cross. Maybe its not out time.  This time isn’t the right time but until that time is the right time I have my imagination.

In my fantasy you want to give in and be fulfilled this one time. You wanted to be engulfed in my world for a second. You wanted to feel my soul against your thigh amongst other things and other places. In my fantasy you see me and want only me. You see my sweetest desires beseeching plenty of pleasant thoughts caressing your mind’s delight keeping intriguing emotions flowing through the warmth of my skin. Our patience is tantalizing the hope of devotion even for this moment. The praise of passion and lust combines our thoughts. As we anxiously await the opportunity to touch heaven, take the stars as light within we dwell in the night. Your slightest anticipation keeps my spirit in tune. In this moment we seek to gratify all temptation beyond satisfaction. The moisture of perspiration trickles down my spine in synch with the slow pour of rain from within. Am I wet enough for you?

So, yes I think about you and of an opportunity but this only one of my fantasies. I keep it to myself as we converse of our future endeavors and chit chat about the past. It feels safe to live in the past and remember when. After all it’s better than having nothing, right?

It is ironic that people tend to want things that they cannot have. Tsk!!! Tsk!!! Why is that? I suppose we should converse about that one day. I am sure that that you have a point of view. I know you and you know me so there are some conversation that do not need to be had however I would love to indulge you a bit but I will save that for another time and another post to share.

Looking forward to our next conversation. 

out of reach but in sight

Have you ever wanted someone so bad but knew that they were not for you. they are out of touch and unavailable to you. Have you ever watch him or her from a distance and wondered what if? Have you ever wanted to touch them and feel them close to you so bad that the yearning is almost agonizing.  One of those "If" moments... 

How many nights I've laid in bed excited over you

I've closed my eyes and thought of us,

A hundred different ways

I've gotten there so many times

I wonder how 'bout you

Day and night, night and day

All I've got to say is

If I was your girl...

Oh the things I'll do to you

I'd make you call out my name

I'd ask who it belongs to

If I was your woman,

The things I'd do to you

But I'm not, so I can't,

Then I won't

But, if I was your girl

Dear one out reach but in sight b/k/a Mr. Unavailable

It is good to see you but I am sure that it would be even better to feel you.  I look at you and see all the things that could be done in the dark until the light.  I look at your smile and see me putting the smile on your face and even think of the moments when it turns to a frown.  The frown somewhat turns me on because it provides another opportunity to put another smile on your face.  That makes me blush a bit.  I hear you say that you are happy and even hear you say that this is the one.  I have to be honest, I always hope that there is a but.  Don't get me wrong I am glad that you are happy.  What is life without a little happiness along the way but I have to say that I wish it were me.  I see you and wish that was me in that picture instead of.  Hell, I didn't even get the chance.  You could have known what it was like with me.

You talk to me about all sorts of stuff. sometimes sweet, sometimes helpful, sometimes sensitive and sometimes encouraging. We are honest and sincere. We even enjoy the unspoken too.  You see me and you see all of me.  I can sometimes feel you wonder and I wish that you would share the mental escapade.  After all a little talk doesn't really hurt or does it?  Would I be going to far if I asked you do you ever think of me when you are with...dont worry about it.  It will be my fantasy.

If I was your girlfriend

Would u let me dress u

I mean, help u pick out your clothes

Before we go out

Not that youre helpless

But sometimes, sometimes

Those are the things that bein in loves about

If I was your one and only friend

Would u run 2 me if somebody hurt u

Even if that somebody was me?

Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be

Please

If I was your girlfriend

If I was your girlfriend

Would u let me wash your hair

Could I make u breakfast sometime

Or then, could we just hang out, I mean

Could we go 2 a movie and cry together

Cuz 2 me baby that would be so fine

 So, in sight one, I leave you be and admire from afar.  I continue to be the friend from a distance.  I even hold onto the piece of you that will always belong to me in my pocket.  I pull it out from time to time to wish. Someone told me that if you want something you should write it down and hold onto it.  That's my little secret and if I weren't so respectful I would tell you this to your face and show something.  I respect that I am not the one and I respect that you can not be what I want you to be because you belong to another. So, I will hold onto my little secret and cherish each fantasty and await that but.