For Your HEAD Service

WARNING: This is a touchy subject and I thought long and hard (no pun intended) about stimulating this conversation amongst adults but I deem it necessary. Again, this is only one interpretation that should offer some assistance and thought to all parties. Some will agree and others will disagree – all are ok and accepted. This is a two sided conversation and is more than the initial attention grabber. Please take into consideration that this conversation is meant for mature adults that can handle all verbiage being used. If you are sensitive to sexual matters, please do not read this post. Thank you.

Shall we proceed?

Speak into the mic, just kiss it or lick it a little bit, puff the pipe – it won’t make you choke, say hello to my lil friend (yes some are smaller than others), blow the whistle, it won’t get hard if you don’t help it out, or simply can I get some head? 

All said while trying to guide head to head. I am sure that there are several ladies that could create a list that would both be ridiculous and ironic.  It is amazing the things that some men come up with in order to get some “head”.  I do not understand some men’s desire or need to ask for some head, penis suckage or fellatio. Now do not get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a little head.  It is, depending on the situation and/or relationship, essential to a moment.  Let’s all be honest here. We all like to receive it but honestly we don’t all like to give it or give our best. Most importantly there are women that don’t always think that it is the sexiest thing to do. Some like it, love, adore it, can’t stand it and would rather just do it regular.  Generally the point of “hooking up” would be for enjoyment unless he’s selfish, which many are (both sides).  Back to the point.  Head shouldn’t be a negotiation or a bargaining tool.  One shouldn’t feel the need to beg for it or act as if it is life or death without.  Yeah, I said it and some just make it feel that way especially when we all profess to be adult, right?

Don’t get me wrong, I get it, to an extent.  I understand that it feels real good. I understand that it may possibly look very sexy to watch and feel the warmth and wetness along with the softness of her lips along your man muscle. [GO AHEAD, HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE].  The pleasure of laying back, relaxing and not having to take control of the sexual situation.  I get it.  I also understand that it is a part of sex and yes head is to be enjoyed by most but of course when done correctly [STICK A PEN IN THAT WE MAY NEED TO REVISIT THAT ANOTHER TIME]. Both, like less biting and teeth used – we agree. However, question is why must you ask or use some sort of not so sexy verbiage to insinuate your desire?  Why are you ok with asking for head in the first place?

For some oral sex is more intimate than actual intercourse and is a bigger leap of faith. After all it is all right there and it’s your mouth and we both… well, we will just say that it is something to think about if you are a not so  and/or fresh person. We don’t always ask the necessary questions outside of are you disease free. Does she brush her teeth or take care of her mouth – does he use soap and clean down under his balls? And such as. I mean really – we all need to be a bit more selective and more concerned. The world is a very crazy place these days. [JUST A THOUGHT – you cannot suck or lick on every and/or anybody]. Then there is the matter of what am I getting out of the deal especially if we are not a long term situation? Seriously, after you nut, if you get to that point, do you have come back, is that it or will you be returning the favor and do you expect this all the time? I would like to believe that it can be more of the preliminary step, a kind of foreplay, rather than the main event and it’s not always done accordingly but each and every situation is different. Govern yourself accordingly.

Just a few thoughts that run through mind quickly after the initial inquiry but my main point of thought is, why are you even asking? I don’t get that. It seems like if it is going to happen it’s going to happen and it should not be expected but moreso appreciated.  If we are random to each other or not necessarily exclusive what makes it be necessary.  After all if it didn’t automatically happen, what makes you think that you are worth the service? Now, I don’t want to hurt any feelings or even offend anyone but did you consider that this service is given to some and only a privilege to others or that you just don’t meet the desire.  Sometimes it just doesn’t feel right or feel pleasured upon the part of the giver.  A woman will initiate her desires, please believe – have you thought about that? Have you ever sat back and considered the willingness of some and the reluctance of others. Think about it!!!

I have often wondered if the inquiry comes from a selfish a place or is it one of those activities that should be added to my resume under the skill section.  Should a chick be flattered that you thought of her enough to ask her to suck you off or get you started? Should she feel privileged that you say that she is so good that you just want it all the time? Should she think that it is in the best interest of her health and womanhood to proceed or that you may not be attracted and/or interested otherwise? Did you have Wendys or did you have McCormick and Schmitt's? When you ask do you consider that you may be taking the joy or desire from her? Do you even think with your actual head before asking for head?

It’s funny that this seems to be an ongoing debate or even a conversation that is always not agreed upon. It’s one of those touchy subjects that is sometimes felt uncalled for or uncivilized.  Us all being grown has nothing to do with giving or even receiving.  It is the comfort to all parties involved. The real inquiry here is not asking for head but the matter we don’t all think about what we are doing before we do it. DID YOU CATCH THAT?

We do not always take into consideration the reactions to our actions in advance or thought. Like a man once told me pouting, sulking and dropping hints are not good strategies when you don’t get your way. True gratification is mental so please give it some head.

disappointed expectations

We use to be friends. At this time it seems like it was moons ago that you were my go to.  I am no longer mad but I am forever disappointed with who you have become.  There were expectations met and so many that were not.  These expectations were not built by me for you but built upon the years and years of us being.  We were supposed to grow old together.  We were supposed to always be there for one another.  We were supposed to be able to be honest and forgiving or flaws.  We were supposed to be friends.  I expected you to be there… forever.

Even though my intelligent self understands the power of change, I do not understand your change.  It was just as if the season changed and so did you.  I feel as if I mixed up my lifetime expectations with a seasonal friendship.

One moment we were in a good place, we laughed, joked and even had inside situations that made our friendship unique and even special.  Then it was just full of pain, hurt and frustration.  I guess that is not all true though.  I saw some things that were different but I didn’t believe it to be in you to be.  I heard some things that were not of great caliber.  I try to be aware of the dog that brings the bone but this was the time that I may have listened a bit harder.

There were moments when I believed that I was different and we were better than that but apparently it was just me being naïve.  There were moments that I spoke up and said what I was feeling in hope that it would make a difference to you.  There were times when I expected better of you than you were willing to give.  Again with the expectations.  It seems to be the pattern.

All of this to say, that we had an awesome run.  The good definitely outweighs the bad.  We were good and now we are not.  Time has gone on and I am no longer mad, upset and angry.  However the hurt tends to linger.  You are doing you and I am and doing me.  While I miss you and the friendship, I am done playing the fool.  I am disappointed in how we have come to this point, There are sorts of wishes but you chose this outcome.

Thinking...

So, yeah I am up when I should be sleep.  I have to be up in about 5 hours but there is so much on my mind but nothing really all in the same thought.

·         I have kind of been lonely in a world full of people but not really.  I guess it is the companion aspect that I miss a bit.  There phone conversations and confessions of the next time whispered across the line.  The desire to want to be close or simply in the same space just being.   It has all been on my mind especially after my single post which has a bunch of new thoughts.  So here I be… thinking

·         I have some good people in my life that have lives of their own which is what it is (when did I start overusing that line – It is what it is – yet is just makes sense and it be.  Everyone has stuff going on and no really going on. There are so many matters of the world that consume our spirits and time just seems to go on.

·         Damnit October is just bout over. TIME just moves and goes.   The seconds turn into minutes to hours, then the days go into months and the year is over.  I was so excited about my birthday and it just sort of came and went. Now its almost November – Thanksgiving, Christmas and just like that a New Year with new goals. (There is a Thanksgiving Challenge if anyone is interested – SEE NEXT POST)

 

·         I am trying to stay optimistic that a breakthrough is upon me.  The valley gets dark but I just need to stay in tune with my FAITH.  I feel like God is truly moving in my life yet I don’t know what is going on so I guess I just need to rely on FAITH.

·         I have started gaining some weight and it has made me feel some kind of way yet I know what I need to do. I just need to do it and before the holidays come around.  Again that damn TIME is just a ticking.

·         I sometimes wonder what I am suppose to be learning in this process of going through and why is it that I am not as productive as I want to be,  why I have so many good unexecuted ideas and why the demon of procrastination and I stay connected like a ball and chain.

·         I wish worry and fear didn’t exist.

·         Why? Just a thought that I do not think that I ready to share.

·         Boo for analization.  Ever think about scenarios and/or situations and wonder if there was something that you could have done differently? I have been thinkin about that too

·         I need to mend some friendships.  Not there is anything that happened directly but I think that there are some people that I need to remind that I care.

·         I miss conversations and technology has stymied some relationship or at least I have allowed it to.  I remember a time when I use to write letters, send cards and talk on the phone nonstop.  I have bundles of stationary and cards that I have not taken out the package and there is a box full of hallmark cards that I have not sent.  Smh.

·         I have a package for a friend that has decided that we are no longer friends.  I procrastinated on mailing it and it is just sitting.  I am tired of looking at it and I do not feel that it is appropriate to recycle it.  What to do?  It’s kind of funny that I am not as hurt as I thought I would be.  I guess the season was up and life goes on with and without.

·         It sucks to care about someone more than they seem to care about themselves.

·         He didn’t call me for my birthday.

·         There is another friend that is not much of a friend to me anymore that seems to take advantage of the length of the “friendship”.  I cannot make anyone do anything that they do not want to do – still an incomplete thought

·         I love that my niece is crazy about me.  She makes me smile and it is a nice feeling.

·         I have a crush.

·         I need to upgrade my deserve level.

·         I am so not where I want to be in my life – it’s an ongoing battle.

·         Why is it so easy for one to be good for sex but not good enough for a relationship?

·         Being grown is overrated.

·         I haven’t had a real date in a while.  The kind that is whirlwind and full of butterflies.  A real dinner, movie, walk on the beach and endless verses of conversation. Just coffee, quick bite and maybe a movie at the house.

·         My cell phone is a piece of sh!t and cannot wait to get a new one.

·         While there is so much to be thankful for why is it so easy to be concerned with what one doesn’t have.  I never want to deem ungrateful but I know there has got to be more.  I once had more and I am still learning being content with what I have now.  Human Nature is a BEAST.

·         What about the one that got away or wasn’t completely recognized until it was too late?

·         There are so many folks that are married that shouldn’t be married because they still pretend to be single.  It makes me more comfortable being single not to have to worry about the politics.  I am glad that I have been able to see happy marriages but it seems to be so many that are ugh.  I get hit on by married me all the time and I am not sure what it is about me that makes them think that I would be ok with being the other woman.  Karma is something.

·         Lust and Love are terrible conflicts.

·         I wish some relationship were stronger than they are currently.  How do you really deal with the past and leave it be when it constantly haunts you or randomly floats in and out of you subconscious?

·         TRUST vs LOYALTY – incomplete thought but a thought nonetheless

·         I thought that I had found my MOJO but I was deceived.

·         I miss him and I am over this grief and heartbreak.  It’s kind of strange how I have noticed that I have begun to see men differently since my daddy passed.

Just some thoughts...

Wash and Rinse: It Will ALL Come Out!

Like the old folks say, if it doesn’t come out in the wash it will truly come out in the rinse. You can only front for so long and there is no future in the fronting…

Word.

(to the mutha)

When people show you who they are – BELIEVE THEM!!! Often too many times we become infatuated with people, things, circumstances and situations. We are so in the clouds that we are completely oblivious to what’s going around on the ground. We have all been guilty a time or two. We hesitate to the time to see some of the obvious. The signs are generally there and it is choice to ignore or deal.

In my fantasy world there is nothing but good people that have nothing but the best intentions in my life. People that do not lie, cheat or steal. People that are only wonderful and decent in the human sense. People that do not lack consistency or integrity. People that do not back bite and/or talk about you behind your back in a derogatory manor. People that do not go around trying to find things that may or may not be there and then further their detective skills. People that don’t feel the need to say things that they do not manipulate in order to get what they want. People that you can take for their word at ALL times.

FANTASY… yes, however I know that those people do exist but it’s always astonishing to have to learn this lesson again. It gets me when people aren’t who, what or how they present themselves.

It’s like when you get a pretty black velvet box tied in a Tiffany Blue ribbon. You are extremely with immediate anticipation of what could be inside. Once you have it in your hand the anxiety plunges out of your pores, drips down your spine and your chest tightens. Awesome! Right? Then you untie the tiffany blue ribbon and open the pretty black velvet box – NOTHING! TOTAL & COMPLETE DISAPPOINTMENT hugs you tightly and you are instantly overcome with perplexed curiosity. Why? What is this? Where is the wonderful thing that is supposed to be inside? Some cry. Some scream. Some sit in concern. Some things like people are not always as they seem or are presented.

That is how it feels to me when people present themselves like a pretty velvet box. I love gifts and especially the kind that come in velvet boxes. They look good, talk good and truly seem awesomely perfect. Then something happens and they show you who they really are – an empty box.

Actions always speak louder than words and talk is so cheap and unnecessary. I keep having to learn this lesson and I am doing my best not to harden my heart  towards folks and their fuckery.  I know I cannot control people but I would appreciate them taking a moment to get their acts together.  I would like to believe in the great good of all people and until I feel crossed I do.  I try to to treat all folks with the utmost respect and dignity.  I try not to be the person that I talk about.  I can only hope that it will all come out in the wash and rinse.

Some of the best advice given was from my friend’s father. He said,  So very true.

Once you know how people are, conduct yourself accordingly.

Thanks Mr. V!

When people show you who they are… BELIEVE THEM! Though they (not sure who they are) say that presentation is everything, it is nothing without preservation. Keep it Trill Folks!!!

btw, you know who you are.

It’s Small World After All

You never know who knows who or how they know them and it's always ironic how all parts come together out of nowhere. Let me explain.

A guy that I dated in college from Memphis had family in Los Angeles. When he came to visit me one summer his mom gave him a few addresses of people she wanted him to try to visit. Ironically enough the addresses were in my neighborhood. One of the addresses in particular was directly down the street my family resided. The house belonged to a male acquaintance that I had grown up with but at the time he was really too old for me to be dating according to my mother of course. Either way we stayed friends. This friend turned out to be the second cousin of that boyfriend. They had spent summers together as children but had lost touch as they all got holder. My friend's grandmother who had been staying there with his mom was my boyfriend's great aunt (his grandmother's sister). Just that fast the world was smaller and my relationships with both dudes changed a bit and I changed in that instance because their family and you never know what could have been said or assumed.

Small World.

I moved to Atlanta with a friend that I met through a job in Culver City. She is originally from Oakland. By us living together we both became acquainted with each other's friends. I met a friend of hers in Atlanta visiting a couple of times and we just kind of clicked and were instantly cool. In a conversation, we realized that we not only were both from Los Angeles but we attended rival high schools and know some of the same people and/or occurrences of certain time periods. When she came home to visit from Texas, she thought enough of me to give me a call to hang out. Unlike some folks that say what they are going to do but that is a totally different something. I digress. Anyway, we hung out and went a cool little hip hop club that I would have known about had I not been with her and her friends. I had a great time and hella enjoyed myself with she and her crew which one I now know who is her cousin who I plan to hang out with in the near to close future. We kind of clicked and now she is a part of my circle and there is no telling who she knows.

Dude, the world gets smaller.

I met this man that is pretty awesome yet guarded (I will write more about him later). Anyway, I met him out and about and found out that he is friends with one of my close dude friends. They are several years apart but know each other through a totally different circle completely outside of me. I am very glad that I met him outside of my friend but glad to have met him nonetheless.

Wow, how small is the world?

Finally, there's Facebook. I am often running across people that I may or may not know or unsure where I may know them from. That is when I can appreciate the MUTUAL FRIEND connection (thanks FB). I check this out ALL the time. I be needin' to know how I may know folk or how I they may know me. The most common link is high school or college so the options are someone limited. I went to a large high school in LA and small college in Nashville with a few random other folks that I know such as past co-workers, folks from prior social events and even a few mere acquaintances from around the way. These people extend all around the country and some across the seas. I am always fascinated to see who people know that I know from different circles. I may know someone from college that may know someone that I went to high school with but in my mind they would have never crossed paths. Small world. Sometimes it's simpler than that and I know we all went to school together but how do you know each other. I don't always see the common link or connection.  Not to mention it's kind of funny what you learn in a random conversation with friends. Who knows who done what with whom if anyone at all. Hmmmm… I may elaborate upon this one day. Hmmm… or shall I say, Things that make you go hmmmm….

I feel a confession coming out of this but I must hold my mule and save any or all of that for another post.

Maybe possibly.

We will see.

Again, Digress.

There are more than a few more situations but nonetheless the point is proven. They though I'm not always quite sure who they is but according to the last census say that there are over 6,706,993,152 people in the world, over 303,824,640 in the United States, over 36,457,549 in California, over 6,214,888 in Tennessee and over 4,630,841 in Georgia not to mention I have lived in Illinois and Nevada too. With all of these folks in this world it still seems small and continues to get smaller every day with all the people you meet and greet every single day. I guess when you think of it that way maybe folks would treat each other better but again that would be too much like right.

Go Figure.

thoughtful - thinking of him

There is always that one that you think about and no you have no damn business.  He was just oooooh...  the one that you hugged just a little too long.  The one that you had long meaningful conversations about all sorts of things.  The one that is off limits or is simply out of reach.  The one that has made you feel wonderful, put a twist in your hips with a lick of his lips.  He turns you all sorts of on and warms your areas.  He is that one. The one that you shouldn't, couldn't, can't, won't,  mustn't, better not... you get the picture.  However, there is something about your feelings.  The way he makes you feel when you are in the midst of a moment.  The way you smell him when he is not even around or hear his voice in you head.  The fantasies of I remember or I wish.  Damn, I miss him.

out of reach but in sight

Have you ever wanted someone so bad but knew that they were not for you. they are out of touch and unavailable to you. Have you ever watch him or her from a distance and wondered what if? Have you ever wanted to touch them and feel them close to you so bad that the yearning is almost agonizing.  One of those "If" moments... 

How many nights I've laid in bed excited over you

I've closed my eyes and thought of us,

A hundred different ways

I've gotten there so many times

I wonder how 'bout you

Day and night, night and day

All I've got to say is

If I was your girl...

Oh the things I'll do to you

I'd make you call out my name

I'd ask who it belongs to

If I was your woman,

The things I'd do to you

But I'm not, so I can't,

Then I won't

But, if I was your girl

Dear one out reach but in sight b/k/a Mr. Unavailable

It is good to see you but I am sure that it would be even better to feel you.  I look at you and see all the things that could be done in the dark until the light.  I look at your smile and see me putting the smile on your face and even think of the moments when it turns to a frown.  The frown somewhat turns me on because it provides another opportunity to put another smile on your face.  That makes me blush a bit.  I hear you say that you are happy and even hear you say that this is the one.  I have to be honest, I always hope that there is a but.  Don't get me wrong I am glad that you are happy.  What is life without a little happiness along the way but I have to say that I wish it were me.  I see you and wish that was me in that picture instead of.  Hell, I didn't even get the chance.  You could have known what it was like with me.

You talk to me about all sorts of stuff. sometimes sweet, sometimes helpful, sometimes sensitive and sometimes encouraging. We are honest and sincere. We even enjoy the unspoken too.  You see me and you see all of me.  I can sometimes feel you wonder and I wish that you would share the mental escapade.  After all a little talk doesn't really hurt or does it?  Would I be going to far if I asked you do you ever think of me when you are with...dont worry about it.  It will be my fantasy.

If I was your girlfriend

Would u let me dress u

I mean, help u pick out your clothes

Before we go out

Not that youre helpless

But sometimes, sometimes

Those are the things that bein in loves about

If I was your one and only friend

Would u run 2 me if somebody hurt u

Even if that somebody was me?

Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be

Please

If I was your girlfriend

If I was your girlfriend

Would u let me wash your hair

Could I make u breakfast sometime

Or then, could we just hang out, I mean

Could we go 2 a movie and cry together

Cuz 2 me baby that would be so fine

 So, in sight one, I leave you be and admire from afar.  I continue to be the friend from a distance.  I even hold onto the piece of you that will always belong to me in my pocket.  I pull it out from time to time to wish. Someone told me that if you want something you should write it down and hold onto it.  That's my little secret and if I weren't so respectful I would tell you this to your face and show something.  I respect that I am not the one and I respect that you can not be what I want you to be because you belong to another. So, I will hold onto my little secret and cherish each fantasty and await that but.

Exclusively Feeling... Remember

Once upon a time he watched me and wanted me. He looked at every piece of me and noticed when I had freshly arched my eyebrows. That was always sexy to me. It was the little things. The things shared on the long late night conversations, via IM and WEBCAM, through text messages and picture mail. It was all the little things that seemed to turn me on and crave each and every opportunity to hear his voice and know how and what he was feeling. I wanted to know his dreams and passion. He shared. He was open regardless of what happened in his past. He was open to getting to know me and let me know him. He cared about what I thought and what I felt about subjects.  Often anticipating the chance to look into his eyes and see his soul.  Be able to have that conversation face to face - ear to ear and possibly be able to bein his arms as he tells me how it was and how his spiritual was the most powerful worth to his being and how he wanted to share it with me.  Share that and all of him.  The thought of us emerging was special.

There were conversations about what he liked and didn't like.  The place he wanted to be touched and how he liked to licked while being touched there.  The encounters among us and some that were behind us.  The opportunity of pleasure hundled around conversations of passion, pain and ponderings.  Often inquiring if time was realized.  We spoke.  We had conversations. We watched and listened and shared.  He enjoyed my assets and liked this and this and this and this and this.…. and he really liked my that.  I showed him how I liked that too and he watched and paid attention.  He thought of me with his heart and told me that it was never meant to expolit.

He made me blush and give into my sexy. I generally know it’s there but it was on fire whenever he was around. Top of mind and in my heart. It felt good. It felt special and it was passionate without the penetration yet quite orgasmic. I mean have you ever sat back and felt them there when they weren’t. Catch a breeze and then smell them near. The smell of them that makes you tingle and get that special moisture. Have you ever thought about the places, positions and strengths in your weakness with them?  Take a second or maybe even a minute and flashback to that time when it was new, fresh and beautiful.  The time it took to learn them and feel then and sincerely notice their genuine attirubutes.  The thought of something that makes you smile in that private meaningful moment. Smile and reflect, try not to react and remember.

Remembering the time when you had that special someone and then want it all again. It is those times that you want them exclusively. Have you ever had that moment? Do you remember the details? Care to share.

Words, Peace and Blessings,

Freckles

z5a9bhmetd

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Daddy, I am thinking of you. Each and every day and every time I look in the mirror. I long to hear your voice and receive your advice and it would be great to have a hug too. I would love to hear you say how much you love me and would love to hear you tell me that you are proud of me. However none of that is going to happen. I am feeling so many different things right now. I am frustrated and feeling some regret. I should have been there and I could have done this or that. I wish I could have said this and said that but I must let go of these feelings. I would like to share what has happened and what knowledge I gained. I would love to be able to tell you that I am sorry and explain my point of view. I would love to be able to share all things that I have felt over the last 15 years. All the wrongs and rights along with the ups and downs – this has been a process for not only you but all of us that love you.

I watched you and felt you not want to go on and not seem to understand the impact it had on the people around you. You were mean and stubborn. You always knew it all but could not take what you often dished out. You made no regard for your life as the others around you fought to keep you alive. Overtake, undertake and mistake while suffering and not sharing what you were feeling. The selfish part of me hates that you are gone but at the same time I am so glad that you are not longer in all of the pain. I feel like you could have tried harder but you didn’t. I feel like you could have still worked hard and for yourself but you didn’t. I feel like you still had a great work to do but you didn’t. You gave up on yourself without ever giving you a chance to succeed. You were such a genius and one of the smartest people that I have ever met. I listened to all of the things that people had to say about you and they all believed alike. I wish that you knew the impact that you had on so many people. I wish there could have been a moment where you realized that your life was so valuable even without legs. I wish you would have reached your potential.

So on this day, the day of your birthday, I am overwhelmed and my heart is heavy. I am unable to make this special phone call and let you know that I am thinking of you and loving you more than I can truly express. I would love to hear you say that you love me too but I know that you did. It just would be nice to hear you say it. However in my heart I say Happy Birthday and I love you so much!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY FRECKLES

and

Rest In Peace