90 Days...

Today we celebrate our probation period. We have survived, grown and learn a lot about each other. The benefits far out weigh my expectations. My expectations were more than happily ever after but I can honestly say that for the first time in life I am truly just happy with life. We are simply sweet and sometimes sexy. The sexy is the greatest of the benefits.

I am grateful that though it has not been easy with my transition, you've been super accommodating. Thank you. It is not always easy and with this journey we are definitely learning each other. I'm dealing with you single man ways and you try to adjust to all my girly ways but somehow we just make it all work.

I'm so in love with you and being your wife is my greatest joy. I'm glad that you found me when you did. The timing couldn't have been better. We were on the same page at the same time.  Our communication still amazes me. I have never had this kind of mental stimulation consistently before you and love the way that you are so into me, my heart and my spirit. Your encouragement has been monumental and it makes me strive to be better every day. I love the way you make me feel even when you're on my last nerve. Those times challenge me most since we are so in this and I feel like the Lord surely is teaching me patience. Merciful Lord.

I believe in us and our future. I believe that we are suppose to be together. I believe that this 90 days are the first of many to come.  I believe that we will be able to endure all the storms and love each through it.  I am so blessed to be able to continue to live life as your friend, your lover and your wife.  

Dude, I hella love you. Happy 90 days!

open to change. Am I really?

I may have to dig through the bad days just to get to the good ones. And yes I may fall, I may tumble...but I will not crumble.

It is hard..I just keep repeating the verse, "Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." 1 John 4:4

EVERYTHING has changed and I am just trying to appreciate every moment.  

Currently collecting my thoughts.

Text to Post

Testing...

NaNoWriMo

So, I have decided to participate in NaNoWriMo this year.  This is my first time.  If you are participating,  Holler at me. 

I need to be more proactive in my writing.  It is far to easy to get side tracked and procrastinate.  Lately, I have had much to say but have lacked the motivation and desire to say it.  I hope that this contest helps me with this. 

Has anyone done this before? Do you have anything to offer?

Happy Sweetest Day

Sweetest Day commonly involves men giving their wife or girlfriends candy. While it is not as large or widely observed as Valentine's Day, it is still celebrated in parts of the United States, despite persistent allegations of being a "Hallmark holiday."

Observed the 3rd Saturday in the month of October, Sweetest Day observance originated in Cleveland in 1922. Herbert Birch Kingston, a philanthropist and candy company employee wanted to bring happiness into the lives of orphans, shut-ins and others who were forgotten. With the help of friends, he began to distribute candy and small gifts to the underprivileged.

On the first Sweetest Day, movie star Ann Pennington presented 2,200 Cleveland newspaper boys with boxes of candy to express gratitude for their service to the public.

Another popular movie star, Theda Bara, distributed 10,000 boxes of candy to people in Cleveland hospitals and also gave candy to all who came to watch her film in a local theater.

Primarily a regional observance celebrated in the Great Lakes region and the Northeast, Sweetest Day is gradually spreading to other areas of the country. People tend to take the Sweetest Day tradition with them when they move. Ohio is the top state for Sweetest Day sales, followed by Michigan and Illinois. Texas, California and Florida are among the top 10 states in sales.

Over the years, Sweetest Day has evolved into a time to express romantic love and also to show appreciation to friends.

It’s Small World After All

You never know who knows who or how they know them and it's always ironic how all parts come together out of nowhere. Let me explain.

A guy that I dated in college from Memphis had family in Los Angeles. When he came to visit me one summer his mom gave him a few addresses of people she wanted him to try to visit. Ironically enough the addresses were in my neighborhood. One of the addresses in particular was directly down the street my family resided. The house belonged to a male acquaintance that I had grown up with but at the time he was really too old for me to be dating according to my mother of course. Either way we stayed friends. This friend turned out to be the second cousin of that boyfriend. They had spent summers together as children but had lost touch as they all got holder. My friend's grandmother who had been staying there with his mom was my boyfriend's great aunt (his grandmother's sister). Just that fast the world was smaller and my relationships with both dudes changed a bit and I changed in that instance because their family and you never know what could have been said or assumed.

Small World.

I moved to Atlanta with a friend that I met through a job in Culver City. She is originally from Oakland. By us living together we both became acquainted with each other's friends. I met a friend of hers in Atlanta visiting a couple of times and we just kind of clicked and were instantly cool. In a conversation, we realized that we not only were both from Los Angeles but we attended rival high schools and know some of the same people and/or occurrences of certain time periods. When she came home to visit from Texas, she thought enough of me to give me a call to hang out. Unlike some folks that say what they are going to do but that is a totally different something. I digress. Anyway, we hung out and went a cool little hip hop club that I would have known about had I not been with her and her friends. I had a great time and hella enjoyed myself with she and her crew which one I now know who is her cousin who I plan to hang out with in the near to close future. We kind of clicked and now she is a part of my circle and there is no telling who she knows.

Dude, the world gets smaller.

I met this man that is pretty awesome yet guarded (I will write more about him later). Anyway, I met him out and about and found out that he is friends with one of my close dude friends. They are several years apart but know each other through a totally different circle completely outside of me. I am very glad that I met him outside of my friend but glad to have met him nonetheless.

Wow, how small is the world?

Finally, there's Facebook. I am often running across people that I may or may not know or unsure where I may know them from. That is when I can appreciate the MUTUAL FRIEND connection (thanks FB). I check this out ALL the time. I be needin' to know how I may know folk or how I they may know me. The most common link is high school or college so the options are someone limited. I went to a large high school in LA and small college in Nashville with a few random other folks that I know such as past co-workers, folks from prior social events and even a few mere acquaintances from around the way. These people extend all around the country and some across the seas. I am always fascinated to see who people know that I know from different circles. I may know someone from college that may know someone that I went to high school with but in my mind they would have never crossed paths. Small world. Sometimes it's simpler than that and I know we all went to school together but how do you know each other. I don't always see the common link or connection.  Not to mention it's kind of funny what you learn in a random conversation with friends. Who knows who done what with whom if anyone at all. Hmmmm… I may elaborate upon this one day. Hmmm… or shall I say, Things that make you go hmmmm….

I feel a confession coming out of this but I must hold my mule and save any or all of that for another post.

Maybe possibly.

We will see.

Again, Digress.

There are more than a few more situations but nonetheless the point is proven. They though I'm not always quite sure who they is but according to the last census say that there are over 6,706,993,152 people in the world, over 303,824,640 in the United States, over 36,457,549 in California, over 6,214,888 in Tennessee and over 4,630,841 in Georgia not to mention I have lived in Illinois and Nevada too. With all of these folks in this world it still seems small and continues to get smaller every day with all the people you meet and greet every single day. I guess when you think of it that way maybe folks would treat each other better but again that would be too much like right.

Go Figure.

Socially Simple

It all use to be so simple. The time of our unguarded innocence. Before we all got so corrupted by relationships. When were kids meeting other kids was at school, school functions, sporting events, and other random get togethers (birthdays and otherwise). It was easy to meet someone through someone else and possibly become boyfriend/girlfriend. There wasn’t any red tape or proceed with caution signs. It was the simple do you like me yes or no.

Interaction was free and easy. There weren’t too many outside worries. There were no wives, not too many ballistic ex girlfriends (although those traits were developed at this time). You had different friends in different classes. They had different friends from different schools or classes. Then there were the friends in your neighbor who may or may not have gone to school with you and their other friends. If you played sports, cheered, danced or even played in the band, there were different set so f people there. At the Prep, my high school we often got to know each other on the quad before school, at lunch and sometimes after school. It was a time of constant contact and people meeting new people. Then there were those special events known as homecoming, playoffs, concerts, plays or birthday parties. The places outside of school that allowed you to show more of who you are in a not so controlled environment an allowed one to be more comfortable in another element. Where the girls showed a little more skin or wore their closes just a little tighter and the boys stood around noticing while considering her view. Where the boys were allowed to be a bit more chill and possible speak upon an opportunity that may not have presented itself in school. In college, we hung on the yard listening to music and seeing what dudes were coming down from State since Fisk was infested by the female population. Heaven forbid it was warm day in Nashville, you were bound to meet someone at the block party of the yard or under the tree of knowledge (good times on the HBCU campus). They were times where we allowed ourselves to be open to other people, well at least some of us but again, not as guarded.

It all use to be so simple.

Now as adults, we are guarded. We have baggage of sour relationships, crazy exes, failed friendship, selfish natured people and have shared sex with countless people. Saying that to say that one never truly knows how many people one has been with and in return you are with all of those people or one is just very promiscuous. Craziness with no judgments and that is an entirely different post. We lost that dynamic specialness. The kind of special that makes you want sit on the phone all night and spend as much time as possible with someone to get to know them. When the concept of a long walk was not so distinct or dinner and a movie was so expensive or illusive. At this point we are so instant and hesitant to let others into our hearts, minds and presence when all of that use to be so simple. We are damaged and meeting people is not as easy as it use to be.

Of course there are still those special events and yes there is our work places, old friends and the current sporting events but where do you go to meet a quality person or people. Don’t get me wrong I meet people all the time. I am still in contact with a lot of my high school counterparts (thanks to facebook) and even have some friends that share personal time with and randomly meet people all the time. I just have that kind of social personality. I love people and will talk to anyone at almost any time about anything. That is how I roll. But where does one go to meet and socialize with people now?

I am longer in high school or college. I am not married and do not have kids, as some may know, I have shoes. I have currently moved back home where I grew up to get back on me feet. Things are different here and I am different here. Don’t get me wrong, I meet people all of the time but then again I talk to people too. I meet them at the grocery store, library, happy hour, the mall etc. But where does one go to get the connection that one use to have in high school or college? How does one get that simple feeling of meeting people? Where does one go get that innocence of people back? Am I really asking too much or truly being naïve that it is indeed possible?

His Freckled Curiosity

Curiosity.

After all of this time.

He wanted to fulfill his curiosity and I didn't see it coming.

 

We exchanged all of the how have you been after all this time casualties. Our past/current lives children to adults. He shared that relationship had gone sour and was trying to figure it all out. I shared that I just moved back and trying to do the same. The conversation was mellow, cool and mild. We strolled down memory lane and it was brief. Then the tone changed. He went south in his delivery. You know that second where the voice goes down to an almost whisper. His demeanor changed and I allowed it. It happened suddenly and almost discreetly. I honestly didn't see it coming but it was late and realistically, we had no business talking that time of night but I still gave into his curiosity. His curiosity had gotten the best of him. He wanted to know what I was like after all of this time. He desired some sort of closeness that he longed for once upon a time. He inquired if he could taste my essence and feel his way through. In, out and across sheets skin to skin and close until his manhood erupted. That once upon a time was of my innocence as a girl and he was curious to know if the grown woman was anything like the girl he once knew. All of this with a little taste. It was not his initial intent but he was interested in a discreet rendezvous. You know they say that curiosity killed the cat.

 

Knowing what this is, do you go for it?

i spit on thee

This post is dedicated to all of those shits that feel the need to lie, cheat, steal, test gangster, see who can piss the farthest, Some folks have the taste for shit. They like to talk shit, breathe shit, make shit be shit when its not shit and don’t really understand that they are not that shit and strictly full of shit. I mean this in the most direct, considerate, polite way possible with no bullshit. Again, you know who you are and I spit on thee.

For the record…

These are the kind of folks that feel the need to blow smoke, say shit that they don’t mean and even make up some shit along the way. Dude, seriously you didn’t smash. No you didn’t hit it and no broad I don’t want your man (boy posing as a good dude). But if I wanted him… although that is another story for another time but I do know what the deal is. These are the kind of people that lack intelligence, ambition, brain power, truth, respect, self esteem, motivation, appreciation amongst other things. Dude, you are not hot and no broad I am not for your shit. Yall (you know who you are) need to grow up and stop doing this silly shit. Either way, I spit on thee.

It is ironic to me that just because a situation is not addressed directly or immediately that you thought that your actions where ok. It is ironic to me that you thought that you had gotten away with this shit. You thought that just because you said it and it sounded good that it was your bond. You thought that no one would call you out on this shit. Ha! Dude seriously, you are not worth the shit at the bottom of my toilet. Ha! I spit on thee.

Here is to you and your shit.

(YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)

You are some shit if you…

• Lie about getting some ass from over 10 years ago. Nawl dog you didn’t hit it. In fact do you even have enough to input? Not too mention you would have never been of interest for me. You do not make me warm hot and tingly. Ugh. Boo. Yuck for you dog.

• Think that broad/dude you are with is a quality individual when they are hella hood, tacky, sad excuse for an individual.

• You are involved with someone just because they put up with your silly shit.

• Think that getting pregnant by him was smart. The keep a dude baby is never a good idea. He wasn’t into you before the baby so what makes you think that this situation will change?  Yeah, you some shit.

• You have a good man/woman and can’t seal the deal or simply be true to them because you like to keep up drama.

• Feel the need to snoop through his shit because you know that you ain’t shit. Yes i said you ain’t shit!

• Think that you should hit because your homie did and sounded like it was good. Dude, you are so not worth the output.

• Are doing the same shit you were doing in high school as an adult. Dude, grow the hell up!!! That shit aint cute. Again yes I said it aint no good look.

• Don’t say what you mean or mean what you say. Your word aint shit and neither are you.

• You do not have good hygiene. That is some nasty shit there. ugh!

• If you feel the need to live in the past. Dude move into the present. We are no longer in grade, junior or highschool. Hell, we not even in college anymore – damn did you even go to college?

• Cannot, will not, have not supported your own. Again, grow up and MAN (WOMAN) UP!

• Not responsible enough to take care of business therefore you have been married 3 times and got 8 kids and possibly 4-5 baby daddies. Get some shit about yourself.

Feel the need to start shit on FACEBOOK! Seriously, come on now this stupid shit shouldn't be that serious.

• If you allow your partner to use and abuse you on a regular basis. I know everyone plays the fool sometimes but how many times do you have to be the fool?

• You feel the need to break someone down in order to build yourself up. Self Esteem should not be overrated. It is an essential necessity (there will be a blog about this soon)

• You feel the need to keep ruining good men with your silly and stupid ways

• Say stupid shit and think that it is good shit when you are not even the shit. (sucks to be you)

• All about fun with no foundation. I am sure that this went over someone’s head. Sad but yeah you be that piece of shit.

• Simply full of shit.  I thought that we should at least be over it at this point in life.

I AM CERTAIN THERE ARE A FEW MORE... BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! 

I SPIT ON THEE!

Luckily I am not the kind of woman that feels the absolute need to put you on blast but you know who you are. With all respect, you should be thankful that I am not malicious and don’t feel the absolute need to state your names. There are a few things that you would not want folks to know about you. There are a few things that should be left unsaid. There are a few things that are to be left in the past. Luckily, I have grown up enough to leave your shit be. After all, I am not sure if you can even help being a shitty person. I suppose it has to be hard not being shit and not really having any sort of self worth or shit of your own. I suppose that you have nothing better to do with yourself than to talk shit. Eew, Ugh and Boo for you and I spit on thee.

Thank you so much for feeling the desire to keep my name in circulation. It is truly appreciated. After all they say you must be doing something right if they must keep your name in their conversations. Right?  No matter what it is just know that I know who you are and I SPIT ON THEE!

peep show fantasy

I wish that I could watch you watch me. 

See my every little move and all of the things in between. 

Watch me desire you and type you a naughtly little something. 

Then possibly touch me there as you feel you here.

I would feel all the words typed across the screen

trickle down the back of my neck then down my spine. 

It makes me twinge a bit and offers mild chills

that make the hairs on my arm erect with curiosity. 

I would look into your eyes and share pieces of me

with naughty words that make you blush with satisfaction.
you know i love it when you type real slow to me

 to know what you are thinking as you see me. 

Are you paying attention or are you having your own fantasy of me?
looking at you, looking at me makes me dream

rubbing, touching, carressing and you watching
tell me what you are thinking as you see traces of me
as I wish that I could hear you want me
peep the show.

Cultivate a Thankful Spirit

I have a friend that has a little garden. She takes pictures of the progress of her garden and shares it on facebook. She takes great pride in her gardener accomplishments and says that it relaxes her. It is really cute and I have heard others tease her about it but not in a mean way. However it has made me think deeper than the green sprouts in the soil. I thought about the time that she takes to cultivate her garden. In gardening, there is so much preparation that takes place followed by work and maintenance. When something goes wrong or if the garden doesn't seem to be reaching its potential or simply not progressing as expected. The gardener will try to see what the problem is and try to make it better. The gardener does whatever it takes to cultivate the garden and make a positive out of what seems to be mildly negative but fixable.

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;

they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

Marcel Proust

We have to cultivate a thankful spirit through all the good and bad times. We must remember that all the trials and tribulations that we may be facing are just a test of our faith. Without thankfulness in our hearts we will live in perpetual spiritual defeat. A thankful heart is the key to having peace of mind. There are the simple things such as waking up this morning but it goes much deeper than just that. What about being in your right mind, being able to breathe on your own, open your eyes, move your limbs. Simple and often taken for granted. I know I have said it before but it is a lot easier to be negative than it is to be positive. I find that rather ironic especially since there are so many things to be thankful for in life. Do not get me wrong. We are all very human and we have moments when get on our soapboxes and complain about all that we do not have and want and desire. That is natural. But just like the gardener, we should take the time and cultivate that negative spirit and make it be positive.

Balance is the key to success in all things.

Do not neglect your mind, body, or spirit.

Invest time and energy in all of them equally - it will be the best investment you ever make,

not just for your life but for whatever is to follow.

Tanya Wheway

If you have ready me you know that I have been going through the storms of life but I now like to call my character building experience. It just sounds better. I have had plenty of dark not so positive moments where I truly wondered if the one above that hears and sees all blinked. I am truly going through however I am often humbled by the simple things. Life, love, family, good friends. We all go through some things in this game we call life. However we are blessed with choice. We have the ability to choose to be woe is me or thankful. There is always worse but realistically, it may just be time to cultivate your spirit. Think about it.

“Be aware of what you have in hand rather than to be for what you don’t.

Everyone will be grateful to what you have.”

Kurt Avish

Be thankful for what you have and you will end up having more.

But if you concentrate on what you don't have,

you'll never, ever have enough.

 Oprah Winfrey

We take such pride in stuff, keeping up with the Jones', believing we are the Jones' and wanting to have more. So why not just be thankful. Stuff is nothing with an ugly spirit. We do not always give ourselves the same treatment that we give our stuff or sharing it or simply having an attitude of gratitude. It all comes with the spirit. So, I figure if we all work as hard on cultivating the spirit as we do cultivating our stuff - we could see what thankfulness really feels like. Just a thought.

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.

-- Willie Nelson--

“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue,

but the parent of all the other virtues.”

--Cicero--

All this to say that the holidays are growing near and I have already heard folks inquiring about what to put on their list and what they are getting so and so. It is tough when the money is not what it used to be. These are different times. This time last year, I had a job, a car and was trying to figure out if I was going home to be with my family or spending it with a friend who had just lost her father a few months prior. This year, I am unemployed, carless, still grieving my father's passing and trying to figure out if I am moving back home to get back on my feet. However with all of that I am so thankful. I am thankful that I am still in my right mind which speaks volumes if you have ever lost a parent. I am thankful that I have had friends that will take, pick me or allow me to use their car. I am thankful that I have family that will allow me to come home to get back on my feet. I am thankful for having a father that loved me enough to live as long as he did. I am thankful that God chose me for this storm so that I could see me for who I am.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

-1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NRSV)

So, yes I would love to get a job for Christmas and car would be great too. Yes, I could find a bunch of things to complain about but it will not make them better or change what they are but maybe if I cultivate my thankful spirit I will be able to reap something positive from my harvest. After all God's gift to me is this: When I look for a reason to give thanks, I find it. I am seeing old things in new ways. Thanks be to God!

Thankfulness: My Sister

A sister is a gift to the heart,

a friend to the spirit,

a golden thread to the meaning of life.

--Isadora James--

One of the best gifts God gave me is a sister.  She is amazing and I love her more than words can ever genuinely express.  She has a very special place in my heart that can not be replaced or filled by anyone but her.  She is my joy, my pain, my peace, my conspiraror, my love, my counselor, my listener, sometimes the pain my side and yes the list can go on and on. 

A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves

and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.

~Toni Morrison~

I heard a story from a friend once about her relationship with her sister. She said that they were complete opposites and not very close.  She even remarked that she didnt particularly like her sister though she loved her.  They were just two different people.  I listened and wondered how two people could grow up and seem to resent each other so much. I was amazed because I could remotely imagine life without my sister.

Is solace anywhere more comforting

than in the arms of a sister.

-- Alice Walker--

My sister and I are almost 3 years apart in age.  She is tall and thin and I am short and thick (curvy).  I am single in the city and she is a wife and mother with one on the way - I have a nephew and a neice on the way.  No matter what happens in life she will always be my little taller sister.  The same little sister that got mad at me and sprayed me in the face with Windex when she was about 10.  Funny now but not so funny then. As children we were not much for the bickering and spent alot of time together.  I do not recall ever truly being seperate.  We went through life together always depending and holding onto each other and even went through a little growing pain when I went to college.  It was the first time that we had ever been seperated.  We grew from that situation and it made our relationship stronger.  I am so thankful to have her in my life. 

The best thing about having a sister was that I always had a friend.

~Cali Rae Turner~

We share just about everything and try not to pass too much judgement.  We converse about it all and even try to confort each other through our grief.  At our father's funeral, I recognized how mature and grown up my baby was with her words of faith and love.  It was in that moment that I confirmed how wonderful of a woman she is. She is strong and courageous.  She is a wonderful mother and great person (though she is a bit mean and short with this pregnancy - lol).  She is still pretty awesome and I do not believe that I tell her enough how thankful that I am that God chose me to have her in my life.

Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other.

--Carol Saline--

With the end of the year drawing near I am taking the time to reflect upon all my blessings.  There are so many things to be thankful and grateful for being blessed.  No matter your faith or beliefs there is so much good in life.  Sometimes you have to take moment away from everything and recognize all that is good. 

So this post is dedicated to my sister. 

For the woman that she is and for the woman that she is in my life.  I love you so much and I pray that we forever stay close and always keep in mind that if nothing else, we always have each other.  Thank you for always being there for me even when I am as wrong as two left shoes.  Thank you for believing in me when I do not believe in myself.  THank you for coming to me when you cannot turn to anyone else.  Thank you for trusting me with your heart always.

Thankfulness = My Sister

There is no other love like it.

Veterans Day - RIP Daddy

Gratitude for God's blessings changes the way we see ourselves and the world.

Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ, for dying so that we may have life. Help us to live our lives in gratitude, for the glory of your kingdom. Amen.

Fucking Aint Conscious: It can be that simple

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Well, I would like to believe that I am an aggressively passionate woman. I like what I like and want what I want. In my mind it doesn’t have to be so complicated. I have a wonderful friend that is simple. It is not a bad thing and it is not meant to be derogatory. She knows this and would not be mad for me sharing. It is just want it is. She sees thing for what they are and doesn’t spend a lot of time ciphering out real from fake. She sees things at face value. She is not into poetry really and prefers for one to say what is directly instead of melodic saying in so many words. If you want me - say that don’t give me a bunch of shit about the roses and the sky and how it feels like we should... Just say hey, I want to see you. It is that simple.


I respect that and often wish that I wasn't so emotional. I go in the moment sometimes and think about it later. I play a little game to see where his head is at but initially I know. I am attracted or not. I can either see us nakedly intertwined or I don’t. I sometimes hear men say what they like and what they want and then don’t know how to handle themselves when it rubs across him. Sometimes I just want what I want. Sometimes I need to escape all the BS of the world and be in tune with his conscious. I like to feel good but then again who doesn’t. I also like to be direct (sometimes to direct) and to the point. I like to speak up and be heard. You know what I meant - I said it how it was...

Yes, there are real topics to converse upon. Yes, there are real issues in the world. And, yes there are other subjects. However we all relate on this one. We have different opinions. We like different things. We like this before we get to that and oooh weeeee, we love it when it screams and quivers. Sometimes all the thoughts, words and worldly effort aren’t necessary. Sometimes we need to shut up and fuck...

Off Limits - Have you been tempted?

There was a look about him. He just seems to have a confidence that sweated out his skin. After all we are in the gym. I caught a quick glance of him as I walked over to the treadmill. He was talking the short stocky dude with bass toned voice. I nodded and smiled so that I would not seem rude and set all my stuff down and set up for the walk ahead. However he is rather attractive. His cheek bones seemed chiseled and were cover by smooth golden glazed caramel skin. His lips were pouty but not too full. He smiled and said wassup but made full eye contact. It was engaging and I was trying to see his status. However the other machines were in my way and I was trying to be overly obvious. Their conversation was masculine and terribly boring but I assume mainly because the shorter man's daughter was with him. She was a cute little girl very quiet and busy trying to climb up this machine while checking to see if her father was observing her foolery. It made me smirk and open my book as I set the treadmill timer for 15 minutes. As I got my tempo together and developed my rhythm I tried to sneak another peak out the corner of my eye. I then decide to be slicker and look through the mirror to get a better as I pretend to be checking out myself. I see him checking me out too. Yes, to myself but only if I can see his status. Damn the machines and boy I hope that this man sees his little about to hurt herself. Should I say something to her? Uhm...

Well anyway...

"Wow you can read while you on there. That is amazing. I have a hard time walking and reading." he says with such observance.

"I've become a bit of professional with my multi-tasking and I don’t have any music." I respond and attempt to seem into my book.

"Yeah man I wouldn't be able to do that" the short man says as he rushes to the other side of the gym to rescue is daughter from the machine that she has climbed up.

Ok, so he is paying attention and that is cool. It’s good for the ego as I try to sweat down a dress size in effort to be sexy in that dress. Yes it’s kind of vain but healthy is good and I want to be slightly slimmer. I want to feel a bit more comfortable in my clothes and hell really I have a lot of pent up energy. I have to have some sort of release and I might as well kill two birds with one stone. It's here to use and I am going to take advantage. Not to mention there is generally something nice to look at while getting my shape together.

"Well man I need to get out of here. I got some stuff to get together and feed this girl. It was good hollering at you man." The short man signs out and exits the gym.

I try to look around and seek his status again and nothing again. The machine signs off and I get off the treadmill and go over to the side of the gym where the mats are to try to stretch a bit and finish the chapter in my book. As I sit and actually mind my own business he comes over to a machine near me. He then turns around.

“What are you reading?”

“Can you stand to be blessed by TD Jakes…”

We go into a very extensive conversation over numerous subjects and he even moved over near the mats and sat on the floor to sincerely hear what I had to say. The conversation was good and relaxed. He seemed nice and had charisma.  He spoke using correct grammer and even corrected himself when pronounced words incorrectly.  He had nice teeth and a firm body.  I even noticed the sweat slowly dripping off the top of his head and down the side of his face. I felt myself almost stopt listening to the words coming from his mouth. I tuned into the bead of sweat slowly go down the side of his lip and drop down off his chin. As he wiped the side of his mouth, I focused on lips as he spoke with such grace and intelligence. I wondered if his lips were soft and if he was a passionate kisser or if he even was a good kisser. My continued to wonder and go way over board.  I had to shake out of temptation and check his status. DAMNIT!!! He is married. Of course – well she did good is my next thought as I gave his wife a subliminal high five and attempted to get back into the conversation that had gone on without me for several minutes.  

I had to laugh at myself. In the midst of my current horny single status I look at every man that crossed my path. I wonder about them and often wondered if they would be worth knowing. I look them over and check them out head to toe.  I check out teeth, hands, shoes and of course lips. It is funny how a man seems so wonderful intitally and how status can change that. I know that there are women out there that don’t care about that but I am not one of those women. At least I do not believe that I am.  I always check for status but there are men that dont wear their rings.  Although that ring doesn't mean anything to some.  My mind often goes to being able to handle the situation if the roles were reversed.  Sometimes that man is tempting and there is a connection or chemistry.  I suppose there are justifications but is it ever really ok to give into a few moments of possible pleasure? I have to admit that sometimes I am tempted to indulge in that forbidden territory but try to remain clear.  Have you ever been tempted to go off limits?

K.I.S.S.I.N.G – how do you feel about it?

boy and girl

sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G…

Well you know how it goes.

I mean what happened to chivalry and courting and hell walking a girl home from school. What happened to long conversations on the phone and the 10 minute game of no you hang up? What happened to the anticipation of the kiss or a fantastic tongue kiss?

Kiss: the act of caressing with the lips (or an instance thereof) to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound, in an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence, etc. To engage in mutual touching or caressing with the lips.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/kissing

We all learn to peck early. We peck our parents, siblings and other family members. We even go to school and peck as a child however then very innocent. I am more so referring to your first passionate kiss. The kind where your heart beats fast, palms get sweaty and at any moment you may quite possibly faint. The kind of anticipation that is filled with desire to connect and curiosity to feel. It is simple and sweet. Do you remember your first real kiss?

His name was Marshall and he was a tall, chocolate toned boy with full BIG lips. He well known, liked and somewhat experienced from what I heard. He was the youngest of 5 boys will several male uncles and what I thought to be the finest father EVER. I heard from a few that he was interested but he liked to kiss (using his tongue). At that time I hadn’t been “experienced” but I wanted to try. We passed notes and made a plan to kiss after we got off the bus when he walked me home. As we walked home we made small talk and finally made it to my street. The nerves hit me and I could feel me breaking a panic sweat. I tensed up and got anxious. He pulled me close, gently pushed my chin up and guided my lips toward his. As I closed my eyes and gave into him I felt the world disappear and his full lips covered too much of my mouth and part of my nose. I didn’t want to pull back but I needed to breath. It was wet, juicy, lots of tongue movement and head wiggling. Realistically it was messy and I panicked that I wasn’t doing this right and available breath was escaping since his lips blocked all passages. I was instantly overwhelmed but hesitated to pull away immediately but I had to ASAP. His soup coolers were trying to suffocate me and I took a deep breath both of anxiety and relief. He smiled and then pecked me quickly and jogged a way stating that he would see me tomorrow. It was kind of goofy and it didn’t feel like TV. I smiled and went on in the house. We kissed every day after school for the next 2 weeks. After that I thought I was a pro and that I was a sucker for chocolate brothas with full lips but I love lips all together. Do you remember you first kiss?  What was it like?

From then on I often looked forward to that first kiss from a new boyfriend or steady Eddie. It was almost always planned or in a secluded private area. It was in hallways, parks, backyards, behind school building or in pathways between houses. It was nice and innocent. From then on out I loved kissing. It was my sex. It was my intimacy. It was special.

As I got older, kissing got better and then leads to other things but there is still kissing. It is has always been special, sensual, passionate and some the most intimate sexy.  It's the thing to for to do to get the party started.   All of this to say, that I love kissing. I love all aspects of the kissing. I like the anticipation of the action, the actual action and how it makes me feel.  I love that a man that kisses genuinely and it can allow me to melt in his hands.  I like that feelig that makes your body change while erasing all the worries of your heart.  There is no discrepency about it.  I love kissing and sometimes would rather it that any sex (oral or otherwise.  Folks have lost that dynamic.  In fact it seems that some would rather have sex than kiss which is strange to me.  I understand but it just seems that if you kiss someone that you may be able to forgo that not so adequate sex because you can feel what's lacked but hey that is apparently my aged way of thinking.  To Kiss or Not Kiss was generally not a question until recently. 

I asked a few friends (via facebook)

Is kissing more intimate than sex

and here is some of what they said…

“KISSING IS WAY MORE INTIMATE... SEX IS MORE EMOTIONAL.....”

“Kissing is more intimate than sex to me.....you can disconnect mentally from sex.”

“Kissing trumps sex with regard to intimacy by far. even though neither should be done all willy nilly.”

“Kissing is more intimate, but sex for most forms that emotional attachment… for most I say....for most”

I agree.  Kissing is more intimate than sex but should it be?  I like them both but they are so much better together.  When did it happend that you should have one with without the other (sex without kissing)?  Why are we so available to for sex without the perk of kissing? 

There was a time when that is what you did. You kissed and necked for as long as possible. You got hickies and wore then as not so honorable badges of lust. There was a time when it was big a deal to rub a breast, a nipple and slow grind while kissing. There was lustful heat and emotional desires but making out was the way to go as a kid (teen). The that wonderful kissing slowly moved below the mouth… (but that is an entirely other conversation for another time). I guess I don’t know when the times changed. I didn’t see when it all shifted to some sort of sex immediately surpassing the initial kissing action. I didn’t see the tide change – when did it happen?

Curiously,

Freckles

Still in Search of Him well maybe not searching

 Not really searching but... I am hoping to run into him

Its not so much that I am looking for him but it sure would be nice to know him, who he is, what his passion and fears are. You see I am ready not only for love but for the work that comes along with it. Relationship take work and I will not only have to work on my relationship with him but my relationship with me.

I want to be his friend, his lover and his confidant. I want him to feel as if he can talk to me about anything and everything. I want to there for him, encourage him and pray for him more than I pray for myself. I want that selfless kind of love. I want the kind of love that is worth fighting for. The kind that requires immediate attention. The kind that makes you wanna disagree so that we can make up. The kind of love that is hard but doesn’t hurt. The kind that weathers the storm and keeps the focus on us.

I want to smell him with he’s not around and touch him when he is close. Touch him there and there and here and there and oh yes right there. I want to spend my life with him while we cherish the time apart, just so we can get back to together. I want it to feel like the first time. I want to have the ability to miss him when he is away. Have the ability to grow together. Be on the same page but be able to turn the page – together. I want to be able to set aside my issues and imperfections so there is enough room for him in my heart.

I want to be the melody in his tune and the inspiration of his art while being the motivation to his desires. I want him to know that I am in his corner ( his front and his back), his #1 fan, his supporter and his encourager. I want to be the one that complete his sentences, be the one that made him comfortable enough to stop being an I and want to be a we.

He is out there and I am here. All I can do is be patient until we cross paths however until then I will work on me and make sure that I am everything that he will need me to be.
Cheers to the Search of a Single Woman…

Considering Piece of Mind

well, you think you just want a piece or is that you want some peace. I am praying for peace of mind. its funny how one day you feel as if you have it together and things are going well then there is a wrench thrown and you just dont understand what happened. there is that moment where you are not sure if you should just be still or go ahead and see how you can fix whatever it is that broken or just out of wack. I immediate response is step back and see the situation at all angles. there is not always a wrong or right but there are many facets. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you make a promise not to run and deal with whatever comes your way - you should do that. Dont be afraid and allow yourself to be transparent. Its only right. I seek understanding and pray that I get it. Be strong and steadfast. Dont be afraid of a litle work.