Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts

Monday, September 29, 2014

disappointed expectations

We use to be friends. At this time it seems like it was moons ago that you were my go to.  I am no longer mad but I am forever disappointed with who you have become.  There were expectations met and so many that were not.  These expectations were not built by me for you but built upon the years and years of us being.  We were supposed to grow old together.  We were supposed to always be there for one another.  We were supposed to be able to be honest and forgiving or flaws.  We were supposed to be friends.  I expected you to be there… forever.

Even though my intelligent self understands the power of change, I do not understand your change.  It was just as if the season changed and so did you.  I feel as if I mixed up my lifetime expectations with a seasonal friendship.

One moment we were in a good place, we laughed, joked and even had inside situations that made our friendship unique and even special.  Then it was just full of pain, hurt and frustration.  I guess that is not all true though.  I saw some things that were different but I didn’t believe it to be in you to be.  I heard some things that were not of great caliber.  I try to be aware of the dog that brings the bone but this was the time that I may have listened a bit harder.

There were moments when I believed that I was different and we were better than that but apparently it was just me being naïve.  There were moments that I spoke up and said what I was feeling in hope that it would make a difference to you.  There were times when I expected better of you than you were willing to give.  Again with the expectations.  It seems to be the pattern.

All of this to say, that we had an awesome run.  The good definitely outweighs the bad.  We were good and now we are not.  Time has gone on and I am no longer mad, upset and angry.  However the hurt tends to linger.  You are doing you and I am and doing me.  While I miss you and the friendship, I am done playing the fool.  I am disappointed in how we have come to this point, There are sorts of wishes but you chose this outcome.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Day 18: I am THANKFUL for...Something given to someone


 I am notorious for giving gifts.  There are the random special things that are only possibly symbolic to a particular relationship/friendship.  I love the personal aspects of gift giving.  It is always nice to give something to someone special when they least expect it. I love it!  I generally use my favorite catch phrase – I’ve got a little something for you… 

I am THANKFUL for GIFT GIVING but moreso the GIFT of FRIENDSHIP that I have given to those special persons in my life.. Even the smallest things are special but my desire to give to those that I care about is huge.  I am THANKFUL that I have FRIENDSHIP TO GIVE.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

DAY 3: I am THANKFUL for FRIENDS...

I am thankful for the quality FRIENDS.  I use to believe being popular and well liked by a quantity of people was more important than the initial quality.  There was a time in my life where ALL those people seemed to matter and they attributed to the essence of me.  Looking back it is kind of crazy but it was.  NOW I am so THANKFUL that I know better.  The QUALITY of the friends mean so much more to me now and I am THANKFUL that my REAL FRIENDS know me and love me in spite of me.  I am thankful that  my friends understand that sometimes I just need space and time with my thoughts.  They know that I am purge crier as well as a big cry baby.  They know that I am there for them no matter what.  They know that I am their friend entirely.  It is such a blessing to have wonderful people in my life that I can actually call friend.

Today’s Mantra:  Tell your friends how much they mean to you:  Thank you for being my friend. I appreciate you for listening to me and helping me, even when you are busy. I appreciate that I can tell you anything and you will not judge me. Thank you for your feedback, without demanding I do it your way. Thank you for letting me lean on your shoulder sometimes.  I love you and I am continually thankful that our friendship continues to grow.  Thank You for being you.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

NY to LA: WestCoasting

The week of Easter one of my close girlfriend's from college came to LA from NY.  We affectionately refer to this trip as the Clash of the Coasts.  I really looked forward to this time with my girl.  She is a good time and I am always having a new experience.  One of the things about living in LA is that there is so much to the city that is tourist themed.  When you have friends from elsewhere come to visit you have to get out of your comforts and let them see things that make them think of the WestCoast but when my NY comes to visit she wants to see where I hang out and what the "locals" do which is kind of cool.
She wanted to meet some of my local friends too which I love she wanted to be in my real life.  Not to mention we always have a great time together.  I am so glad that the weather was perfect.  Warm and Sunny (the epitome of So Cal).  When she came to visit last year it rained the entire time she was here so there were some places that we were not able to go. 
She flew into town on a Saturday morning and we went got some food & had some drinks, caught up on each other lives and made plans for the next few days.  Since I am getting re-aquainted with my MOJO I struck up some conversations and made a couple of new friends.  There is a local sportsbar that is pretty cool that we went to that ended up being a good time.  We had a few more drinks and struck up some conversations...
On Easter we went to church which i was glad that she enjoyed as she is a different denomination but she said she really enjoyed it and felt very welcome.  We hung out later that night. Monday we went to one my favorite breakfast spots, shoe shopping and spent the rest of the day at the beach where we had a very refreshing picture of Mojitos at a beach side bar.  May have never been there otherwise.   It was awesome. It is times like this that I can genuinely appreciate living here compared to anywhere else. LA is home for me but I have to say that living other places and having different experiences has opened my eyes to more than home. 
Everytime she and I get together we have one super fancy dinner so we went to Crustaceans in Beverly Hills with my mom which ended up being fabtastic.  We also always have to go to Roscoe's which made for the perfect time for NY to meet NikkiTreats (my local buddy that will be having a posting on my blog shortly).  I love when my friends from different worlds click.  It's nice.  We talked and talked and talked.  I loved it and I took lots of pictures. 
It was kind of sad to see her go and it was wonderful to have her here.  I enjoyed the visit and look forward to EastCoasting before the summer is out.


Monday, January 17, 2011

Change

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
King Whitney Jr


There are so many things changing around me.  Some of it good, some of it bad and some of it is simply just changing.  There are times when I am hopeful that the good will out weight the bad and that the bad is simply a figment of my imagination that will simply change.  Confused?
 
My life has changed a lot within the last year and half.  I moved back to LA from Atlanta which has been more monumental than I give credit on top of my unstable emotions caused by grief.  My father died and that has been more than tough and some days are better than others.  I have not completely found a balance in that change but I do know that guilt and greif is a hell of a mix. I have had several jobs but nothing very steady or completely full time.  I have recognized that my mother is a woman outside of being my mother. My sister had a daughter which is awesome that I was here for my sister and her family.  I reunited with some old friends from high school.  The time difference has impacted some of my most significant friendships and relationships along with all the things that I have been feeling. I have changed and I have not been able to find my new normal or where I fit in. 
Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis.
Martha Beck, O Magazine, Growing Wings, January 2004

Life goes on with or without you around.  It sounds rather cold but it is true.  Life went on without me in LA and I had built a life for myself in Atlanta.  Both of those lives have changed and moved on with and without me.  I am here now and often just sort of feel that there has been so much change that I cannot seem to catch my breath or seemingly deal with or wonderg if I am dealing the right way.  I guess I am trying to figure out what I am suppose to learn from all the change.
I know that I am not the only one that  has to learn from change or even deal with it.  We live, lose, love and learn. Som I am curious to know the thoughts of others so that I can complete this post. 

What are yout thoughts on change?
 
 

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I’m STILL not that chick but if I was...


I find this to be neccessary again as it seems some may not have gotten the point the last time.  I will get off this soapbox when it is no longer valid.

No, I am STILL not that chick but if I was you should be nervous but bitches like you that make wish that I were.

It is a shame when a woman has a good man and doesn't know what to do with him. A man that is not afraid of being a man and loves her in spite of her.  He takes care of home and his family in it.  He loves, honors and respects all her wishes even when he disagrees. He spends time, adores her and even waits patiently for her to decide when the time is right to make it all good on paper.  He allows her to be who she is and tones himself down a bit by not kicking it as much and even cutting off the female friends that may make her uncomfortable. His life is all about her and their family.  I am sure that are problems but in the big picture he is a good man who has room for improvement but we all should be works in progress.

It is funny how that woman cannot appreciate what she has and spends way too much time pointing out imperfections and minor details of who his friends are and what he is doing with them and why it is not time to tie the knot. It is a shame when that "good man" feels the need to vent about his love for this woman and profess to be patient. He shares his frustration and still manages to bring it home to her. He sees that it is not as good as it could but makes an effort to work at his relationship with her. It's ironic that bitches women like that feel the need to try to find something wrong sabotage with her "good man" by going all through his email and showing her insecurities to other people.  She would take the time to contact those women that may of threat instead of talking to him. She would try to find a reason to give up on him instead of being thankful. It is sad that women like this make a good man wanna leave the one he's with like Usher.  It is a shame when this woman cannot find the time to ask her "good man" how his day was or what's on his mind or simply say "baby, I was thinking about you and want to cater to you in appreciation for all that you do".  It's funny how that woman that has that "good man" feels the need to parade herself as that man to try to find something that is not there. 
There are women out there that wait for women like this to make a mistake and slip up.  There are women out there that know how to take care of a good man and uplift him and please him at the same time.  There are women out there that could show a good man how wonderful he is and not second guess his any move.  These women are friends and there waiting for their opportunity and chance to make that good man theirs.  They see him and the big picture. They feel his frustrations and know how to cure it and want to have what you have. She will do whatever it takes as soon as possible so be careful.  Watch out and proceed with caution. This is a warning. There is always another waiting in the wings and hoping that you continue to go through his phone and calling/ texting via his phone pretending to be him. I know this woman and I often wish to be her but I am not. 

I respect him and I even respect you although at this moment you don't really deserve it. I am not one that you have to worry about at all but if I were that chick you made your one mistake and the ball could have been in my court.  I see how this could have played out if I was that chick. It would have been so easy but lucky for you, I am really just his friend and I'm not that chick.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Single in This City (LA): WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?

Why are you single?
 
 
Shit dude, I don’t know

Once Upon a time I said it’s just not my turn but after further review it may be that
I have not met a man that is man enough to be my man.
 
Please do not take me out of context. I am not attempting to low key derogatory at all. It is a simple statement that makes some men instantly defensive. I try to not offend folks but I am also entitled to feel how I feel. So let me explain a bit.
 
At this point in my life, I am very much in tune with my strengths and my weaknesses. I know my flaws and some of them I am working on and some of them I am not. Just being honest. Very rarely, am I able to hear someone tell me something about me that I do not already know about myself. I pretty much know when I am as wrong as two left shoes and what is worth fighting for. I believe in picking my battles and making sure that I am heard. All this to say, I have a strong personality and a strong disposition. I have some old school attributes. I respect my role as a woman. I have been through some character building experiences that have blessed me to be comfortable in my own skin. I understand where I come from and I trust God to guide me where I am going. I understand and believe that there is a divine order in life – check your guide to life (The Bible, of course).
 
I need a man that is all of the above too. I need a man that will be strong where I am weak and want pull me up – vice versa. I need a man that loves himself enough to love me. One that loves the concept and work that love has to offer. He should want to take care of me – not only financially but spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. One that is secure in his role as a man and all that it entails. He should want to be the head and not the tail. He should want to be my man and eventually my husband. I need a man that has a backbone, zest and zeal. He should be ambitious and not desire to be complacent. He should truly want to be a we with me. I should be able to encourage him, uplift him and motivate him to be a better man for not only me but for himself. I should be able to be his best friend and his lover. He should feel the divine order of our existence and want to be together through all of life’s trials and tribulations and be able to be thankful for it all not only when it is good. He should believe in God and want to pray for me and with me. 
  • I am single because that man has not been sent to me from the Creator just yet but I know he is coming. I am single because I choose not to settle for less than I am entitled to for the sake of having someone.
  • I am single because I am whole and complete without one though I would love to have one that perfectly created just for me.
  •  I am single because he hasn’t found me yet.
I meet men all the time and everywhere. I generally like to go with the flow. No pressure and a little pleasure. Take the time to get to know someone and feel them out. Spend some time and learn each other. I don’t immediately go for the lockdown conversation nor do I continually bring up commitment. I like for it to just happen mutually and on its own timing. Again, No pressure. Let’s just enjoy the ride. Let’s enjoy some beer, chicken wings and possibly some football. CHILLAX! Then I get, you are so cool. I didn’t know you were so cool. I am not ready for a relationship. It’s complicated. In my head it doesn’t have to be. Then there is a need for a break. However the next women, is apparently the right one and he is ready. I again have made a man wonderful for someone else. It’s frustrating. One man even said thank you. Thank you for what??? But whatever. He wasn’t meant for me and that is ok.
 
Please do not misunderstand me again, I am not complaining and I am so not a woman scorned or any of that. I just see things in a realistic sense. I am ok with being single. There are some things that I prefer not to deal with. I like that I am able to come and go as I please. I love that I am able to feel up my closet with as many shoes as possible with no regards to sharing any of the space. As a friend once said, I love that I can clap my hands when Cameo says Single Ladies Clap Your Hands.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE!!!


I want to shout out my friend once again, yes I have written about her before but she is just the special. Friends are very special people that come into your life to make you better.
They make smile. They make you laugh and Lord willing they make you live.
Thanks Friend. 
I am so blessed to have you in my life and I wish you nothing but the most abundant blessings.

Freckles 34 Random Birthday Quotes, Moementsm, Statements and Facts 
just for you Mane....

1. If there's something that you're dreaming of then may it all come true, because you deserve it all...HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

2. This is the first birthday in our friendship that we will not be together. Sadface but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!  3. For Salmon Croquettes and Grits On Saturday Mornings  4. ON THIS DAY IN 1967 THURGOOD MARSHALL WAS APPOINTED TO THE SUPREME COURT BY LYNDON JOHNSON  5. “Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.”  6. Shrimp and Grits from J. Christophers  7. “And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”  8. All the Obama Magazines 
9. ON THIS DAY IN 1804 JAMES WELDON JOHNSON WAS BORN10. “It takes a long time to grow young.”  11. Cheesecake Factory  12. We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. 13. Goodie Mob, Jill Scott and Dave Chappelle
14. Believing hear, what you deserve to hear: my own to me is dear...
But yours gives most; for mine did only lend Me to the world; yours gave to me a friend.
15. ON THIS DAY IN 1969 "HEE HAW" WITH ROY CLARK & BUCK OWENS PREMIERS ON CBS TV 16. Random adventures around ATL  17. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.  18. Then I found five dollars  19. Last week the candle factory burned down.   Everyone just stood around & sang Happy Birthday.
20.  Swaggerty’s Sausage  21. DC  22. ON THIS DAY IN 2007 BOB BARKER'S FINAL EPISODE AS HOST OF THE PRICE IS RIGHT AIRED  23. A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.  24. CL   25. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
26. ON THIS DAY IN 2000, RAPPER FLESH-N-BONE OF BONE THUGS-N-HARMONY WAS CONVICTED OF ASSAULT WITH A FIREARM AND FOR BEING AN EX-CONVICT IN CRIMINAL POSSESSION OF A FIREARM AFTER THREATENING A FRIEND WITH AN AK-47.   27. CD 28. ON THIS DAY IN 2000: BRITISH MARINES LEAVE SIERRA LEONE - THE MAJOR CONTINGENT OF THE BRITISH MILITARY TASK FORCE SENT TO HELP RESTORE ORDER IN SIERRA LEONE LEAVES THE COUNTRY.29. Johnny Rockets 30. On this day in 1752 Benjamin Franklin and his son test the relationship between electricity and lightning by flying a kite in a thunder storm.
31. Five Guys  32. Also born on this day is ICE CUBE – how cool is that?  33. Andre 3000 is a gotdamn liar!
34. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND MANY MORE DUDE!!!



Monday, June 7, 2010

Dear Mr. Unavailable (an open letter)

Dear Mr. Unavailable,

It has always been a matter of time. The time has always been bad but for a moment I thought that this time was going to be the best time to finally be the right time instead of next time. Silly me. Not really but it is all relative.

It is very sad for me that our time has ended. Our friendship seems to be completely at a lost and it hurts more than I can articulate at this moment to say good bye, especially since you have been in my life for so long. We have watched ourselves grow up and now apart with all things in between. Honestly, I miss you already but I will always have the moments, conversation with no words and smiles across the room full of inside jokes. You moved me. Made me smile and feel some things that I hadn’t in a while. Thank you for making me capable of feeling again. You were once honest, caring and adoring. Like Donnie, Giving up is so hard to do but my light of hope is burning dim.  I appreciate that you were there. It feels strange to not have you as a go to but as some say, it is what it is. There are so many things that need to be said face to face. There are even some things that should probably not be said too. I hope that one day we will have that conversation of closure and when you are ready I will be available of course unlike yourself.

I am thankful to have had a friend like you in my life. I meant and to an extent continue to mean all things said. I wish we coulda woulda shoulda but at this time again, it is what it is as you are who/what/how/where you are. I’m going to accept it all as is and choose to let you go. Do know we were friends and our friendship was to be admired and appreciated. The timing may come around one day but that was not this day but until then I will just see you next lifetime.


Good Luck with Life’s Journey Old Friend.

Freckles

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

It’s Small World After All


You never know who knows who or how they know them and it's always ironic how all parts come together out of nowhere. Let me explain.

A guy that I dated in college from Memphis had family in Los Angeles. When he came to visit me one summer his mom gave him a few addresses of people she wanted him to try to visit. Ironically enough the addresses were in my neighborhood. One of the addresses in particular was directly down the street my family resided. The house belonged to a male acquaintance that I had grown up with but at the time he was really too old for me to be dating according to my mother of course. Either way we stayed friends. This friend turned out to be the second cousin of that boyfriend. They had spent summers together as children but had lost touch as they all got holder. My friend's grandmother who had been staying there with his mom was my boyfriend's great aunt (his grandmother's sister). Just that fast the world was smaller and my relationships with both dudes changed a bit and I changed in that instance because their family and you never know what could have been said or assumed.
Small World.
I moved to Atlanta with a friend that I met through a job in Culver City. She is originally from Oakland. By us living together we both became acquainted with each other's friends. I met a friend of hers in Atlanta visiting a couple of times and we just kind of clicked and were instantly cool. In a conversation, we realized that we not only were both from Los Angeles but we attended rival high schools and know some of the same people and/or occurrences of certain time periods. When she came home to visit from Texas, she thought enough of me to give me a call to hang out. Unlike some folks that say what they are going to do but that is a totally different something. I digress. Anyway, we hung out and went a cool little hip hop club that I would have known about had I not been with her and her friends. I had a great time and hella enjoyed myself with she and her crew which one I now know who is her cousin who I plan to hang out with in the near to close future. We kind of clicked and now she is a part of my circle and there is no telling who she knows.

Dude, the world gets smaller.

I met this man that is pretty awesome yet guarded (I will write more about him later). Anyway, I met him out and about and found out that he is friends with one of my close dude friends. They are several years apart but know each other through a totally different circle completely outside of me. I am very glad that I met him outside of my friend but glad to have met him nonetheless.

Wow, how small is the world?

Finally, there's Facebook. I am often running across people that I may or may not know or unsure where I may know them from. That is when I can appreciate the MUTUAL FRIEND connection (thanks FB). I check this out ALL the time. I be needin' to know how I may know folk or how I they may know me. The most common link is high school or college so the options are someone limited. I went to a large high school in LA and small college in Nashville with a few random other folks that I know such as past co-workers, folks from prior social events and even a few mere acquaintances from around the way. These people extend all around the country and some across the seas. I am always fascinated to see who people know that I know from different circles. I may know someone from college that may know someone that I went to high school with but in my mind they would have never crossed paths. Small world. Sometimes it's simpler than that and I know we all went to school together but how do you know each other. I don't always see the common link or connection.  Not to mention it's kind of funny what you learn in a random conversation with friends. Who knows who done what with whom if anyone at all. Hmmmm… I may elaborate upon this one day. Hmmm… or shall I say, Things that make you go hmmmm….
I feel a confession coming out of this but I must hold my mule and save any or all of that for another post.
Maybe possibly.
We will see.
Again, Digress.
There are more than a few more situations but nonetheless the point is proven. They though I'm not always quite sure who they is but according to the last census say that there are over 6,706,993,152 people in the world, over 303,824,640 in the United States, over 36,457,549 in California, over 6,214,888 in Tennessee and over 4,630,841 in Georgia not to mention I have lived in Illinois and Nevada too. With all of these folks in this world it still seems small and continues to get smaller every day with all the people you meet and greet every single day. I guess when you think of it that way maybe folks would treat each other better but again that would be too much like right.
Go Figure.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

lovecandace: dude-relax.com

SIDEBAR from my own foolery and/or fuckery to shout out one of the most special woman I have the pleasure of calling friend.  She is one of the sincere, genuinely nicest people I know (and I know alot of people) and an absolute talent that stepped out on faith to share her talents with the world by creating a wonderful website to display her gift of pencil, pen and charcoal.  She is originally from Oakland, CA but not resides in Atlanta, GA.  My friend is a simple treasure that doesnt have some complex dissertation on her pieces and simply draws because she can and she likes to.  It's that simple and I am not even biased, well maybe alittle bit but she's got real talent. Seriously dude.

I am often amazed what she puts on paper with a pencil, pen and/or charcoal.  I feature her art on many of my post and will be featuring it in my Single In This City (LA) series as it's absolutely relevenat to dating and always seeking some form of love.

When I lived with her in Atlanta, I would watch her draw out the corner of my eye, because she prefers to not be bothered when she is in her zone, and waited her to walk away to sneak a peak.  I would watch her erase constantly to reach her own perfection and not just settle for what didn't feel right.  I would watch her take her time with each stroke/ shade and display absolute integrity in each and every piece. I watched her fall in love and be in love with all of her creative ideas put to paper/canvas.  She is truly awesome and genuinely special.  So here is to her and my desire to share her talent with as many as possible.  I ask that you take the time and check out her artwork, consider purchasing and make a purchase and then buy a tshirt which can also be done at her site www.dude-relax.com   Then share it with a friend.  Check some of her work and some of her inspiration below.

lovecandace
Inspired by the search. Inspired by the effort, the frustration, the wishing, hoping, waiting, praying, Inspired by the time, the energy. Inspired by the physical attraction and the mutual interests, same struggle, common goals. Inspired by late night tears, mid-afternoon laughs,clear thoughts in the morning.
Inspired by the good jeans that show off the curves, the right shoes for the right dress. Inspired by the water plus the gel with the headscarf tied tight. Inspired by the burn on the ear, neck, forehead from the curling iron flat iron pressing comb. Inspired by lip gloss, eyeliner, mascara, glitter and powder. Inspired by pumice stones, wax, razors, tweezers, scissors, nail clippers, and emory boards.Inspired by Vaseline and socks, baby oil and cocoa butter.
Inspired by candles and incense and fabric spray.
Inspired by the trip out of the room to release some air. Inspired by the trip across town in traffic in the rain on an empty tank. Inspired by SportCenter, Baseball Tonight, NBA Today, NFL Pregame Show, College Gameday, and SportCenter, again. Inspired by the beer you keep cold but don’t drink, snacks you don’t eat, movies you don’t watch or don’t want to see.
Inspired by the strange meal he made out of fishsticks and macaroni and cheese, hot dogs and beans, grits and pork roast,bacon toast orange juice and scrambled eggs, Hawaiian Punch and Capri Sun.
Inspired by the friends that have found it and the ones who work so hard to keep it. Inspired by the ones who have lost it and won’t give up on finding it again. Inspired by the ones who have never had it and wonder what it feels like.
Inspired by the ones who are about to find out.


 
Ink Hearts (lovecandace) are $75
(2 for $100)

 
get at her:  Candace@dude-relax.com
                    duderelax@gmail.com
some of her other work and my favorites
 
 


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Socially Simple

It all use to be so simple. The time of our unguarded innocence. Before we all got so corrupted by relationships. When were kids meeting other kids was at school, school functions, sporting events, and other random get togethers (birthdays and otherwise). It was easy to meet someone through someone else and possibly become boyfriend/girlfriend. There wasn’t any red tape or proceed with caution signs. It was the simple do you like me yes or no.

Interaction was free and easy. There weren’t too many outside worries. There were no wives, not too many ballistic ex girlfriends (although those traits were developed at this time). You had different friends in different classes. They had different friends from different schools or classes. Then there were the friends in your neighbor who may or may not have gone to school with you and their other friends. If you played sports, cheered, danced or even played in the band, there were different set so f people there. At the Prep, my high school we often got to know each other on the quad before school, at lunch and sometimes after school. It was a time of constant contact and people meeting new people. Then there were those special events known as homecoming, playoffs, concerts, plays or birthday parties. The places outside of school that allowed you to show more of who you are in a not so controlled environment an allowed one to be more comfortable in another element. Where the girls showed a little more skin or wore their closes just a little tighter and the boys stood around noticing while considering her view. Where the boys were allowed to be a bit more chill and possible speak upon an opportunity that may not have presented itself in school. In college, we hung on the yard listening to music and seeing what dudes were coming down from State since Fisk was infested by the female population. Heaven forbid it was warm day in Nashville, you were bound to meet someone at the block party of the yard or under the tree of knowledge (good times on the HBCU campus). They were times where we allowed ourselves to be open to other people, well at least some of us but again, not as guarded.

It all use to be so simple.

Now as adults, we are guarded. We have baggage of sour relationships, crazy exes, failed friendship, selfish natured people and have shared sex with countless people. Saying that to say that one never truly knows how many people one has been with and in return you are with all of those people or one is just very promiscuous. Craziness with no judgments and that is an entirely different post. We lost that dynamic specialness. The kind of special that makes you want sit on the phone all night and spend as much time as possible with someone to get to know them. When the concept of a long walk was not so distinct or dinner and a movie was so expensive or illusive. At this point we are so instant and hesitant to let others into our hearts, minds and presence when all of that use to be so simple. We are damaged and meeting people is not as easy as it use to be.

Of course there are still those special events and yes there is our work places, old friends and the current sporting events but where do you go to meet a quality person or people. Don’t get me wrong I meet people all the time. I am still in contact with a lot of my high school counterparts (thanks to facebook) and even have some friends that share personal time with and randomly meet people all the time. I just have that kind of social personality. I love people and will talk to anyone at almost any time about anything. That is how I roll. But where does one go to meet and socialize with people now?

I am longer in high school or college. I am not married and do not have kids, as some may know, I have shoes. I have currently moved back home where I grew up to get back on me feet. Things are different here and I am different here. Don’t get me wrong, I meet people all of the time but then again I talk to people too. I meet them at the grocery store, library, happy hour, the mall etc. But where does one go to get the connection that one use to have in high school or college? How does one get that simple feeling of meeting people? Where does one go get that innocence of people back? Am I really asking too much or truly being naïve that it is indeed possible?

Monday, January 11, 2010

Thankfulness: Genuine Friendships

" A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart,
chaff and grain together,
knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it,
keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."

THANKFULNESS

I have some friends in particular that have really been there for me.  They mean the world to me.  I try to tell them as much as possible. They make me better.  They have held me together.  I pray for them all the time.  I am so thankful that they are in my life.  They are such wonderful people that deserve much more than my gratitude.  I do not have the words to sincerely express my love and/or appreciation for them.  I can only hope that they can feel my heart and the honor that hold for each of them. 
THANKFULNESS

I have a couple of girlfriends from highschool/college that have offered hugs, words of encourage, vent sessions, love and support as I have been dealing with the passing of my father.  There were people that I hadn't really known cared as much as they did.  They didnt pry or ask alot of questions being nosey.  They sporatically check in to just make sure that I am ok and say hey, I was just thinking about you.  It warms my heart especially when there were people that I thought were closer.  I had not spoken to them on the regular but they were genuine in their care.
THANKFULLNESS
Recently, I recieved a card that touched me and it is amazing how on time it was.  It said (Outside): "Time for a God loves you beak in your day (Inside): you are loved, valued, honored and special-today and always.  I am so grateful that this person thought enough of me to share a moment and a thought.  I didn't quite have words to sincerely describe how wonderful it was to read those words.  It made me smile from the inside out.  It made me feel so special and also made me tear up a bit - although I am just an emotional rollercoaster but that is a totally other something.  It was nice to hear (read).  
THANKFULNESS
Sometimes we need to be encouraged.  Sometimes we have good, bad and so so days.  There are times when we just feel some kind of way and we sometimes where the mask to not show our hearts to the world.
THANKFULNESS
Recently, I got a phone call from a friend that I hadnt spoken to in a while.  She simply said, I was thinking about you and thought that I would call you right now.  She didnt really have much to share about her but wanted to talk about me.  It was nice to just chat.  She was sincere and cared to listen. It was special.
THANKFULNESS
I have a friend that has been like brother to me.  He has always been there for me and always will be.  Even though he has some serious stuff going on in his life, he takes the time to make sure that I am ok.  He sometimes sends me a text saying hey lil sis, thinking about you and love you - which are always on time.  He is special to me and I hold him so close to my heart.  It is so amazing to me that one can have life happening to them but set themselves aside to consider someone else as he does me. 
THANKFULNESS
Recently, I made some pillows for a friend and when she came by to get them. we conversed - caught up and it was nice.  She slipped me something and said she just wanted to help and that she loved me.  She then said she didn't want to hear anything about it.  I just laughed and said whatever.  It was so kind and so special and sincere.  I only hope that she knows how much I appreciate her friendship.
THANKFULNESS
I have a new friend that reminds me that she is here for me all the time. She reads my blog from time to time and always reminds me that she is available if I need her. We share and it just feels genuine.  She cares just because and it is always nice to have someone that just wants to be there.  She knows that I am here for her too - well at least I hope she does.
THANKFULNESS
It is a blessing to have people in your life that hold you so close to their hearts that they can feel when  you are not so much yourself.  They feel the desire to contact you, reach out and share their thoughts of you with you.  That is something to truly be thankful for.   It is a blessing to know that someone is for you when it seems that the world is against you or when your world seems to be falling apart.  It's even more special when they do not even know that you are going through some things in your head or your heart and they just so happen to provide a word of encouragement.  When the care enough to care about you with no strings.  No expectations.  No boundaries.  That is when its truly genuine - authenticity at its best.


Just feeling thankful for my friendships -
no matter how big or small.


Peace & Blessings,
FRECKLES...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Exclusively Feeling... Remember


Once upon a time he watched me and wanted me. He looked at every piece of me and noticed when I had freshly arched my eyebrows. That was always sexy to me. It was the little things. The things shared on the long late night conversations, via IM and WEBCAM, through text messages and picture mail. It was all the little things that seemed to turn me on and crave each and every opportunity to hear his voice and know how and what he was feeling. I wanted to know his dreams and passion. He shared. He was open regardless of what happened in his past. He was open to getting to know me and let me know him. He cared about what I thought and what I felt about subjects.  Often anticipating the chance to look into his eyes and see his soul.  Be able to have that conversation face to face - ear to ear and possibly be able to bein his arms as he tells me how it was and how his spiritual was the most powerful worth to his being and how he wanted to share it with me.  Share that and all of him.  The thought of us emerging was special.


There were conversations about what he liked and didn't like.  The place he wanted to be touched and how he liked to licked while being touched there.  The encounters among us and some that were behind us.  The opportunity of pleasure hundled around conversations of passion, pain and ponderings.  Often inquiring if time was realized.  We spoke.  We had conversations. We watched and listened and shared.  He enjoyed my assets and liked this and this and this and this and this.…. and he really liked my that.  I showed him how I liked that too and he watched and paid attention.  He thought of me with his heart and told me that it was never meant to expolit.
He made me blush and give into my sexy. I generally know it’s there but it was on fire whenever he was around. Top of mind and in my heart. It felt good. It felt special and it was passionate without the penetration yet quite orgasmic. I mean have you ever sat back and felt them there when they weren’t. Catch a breeze and then smell them near. The smell of them that makes you tingle and get that special moisture. Have you ever thought about the places, positions and strengths in your weakness with them?  Take a second or maybe even a minute and flashback to that time when it was new, fresh and beautiful.  The time it took to learn them and feel then and sincerely notice their genuine attirubutes.  The thought of something that makes you smile in that private meaningful moment. Smile and reflect, try not to react and remember.
Remembering the time when you had that special someone and then want it all again. It is those times that you want them exclusively. Have you ever had that moment? Do you remember the details? Care to share.


Words, Peace and Blessings,
Freckles
z5a9bhmetd

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

My PRIDE has been keeping me from PEACE

PRIDE: Definitions of pride on the Web:A feeling of self-respect and personal worth satisfaction with your (or another's) achievements; "he takes pride in his son's success"
the trait of being spurred on by a dislike of falling below your standards a group of lionsbe proud of; "He prides himself on making it into law school"
unreasonable and inordinate self-esteem (personified as one of the deadly sins) Pride is the cultivation, preservation or exalting of self. It is a protecting of self. Pride is commitment to self. It is building up ourselves in our own eyes or in the eyes of others. Pride is an excessive belief in one's superiority, worth, merit. Pride is a root cause of many sins.
I never truly considered myself a prideful person until recently. I am not the kind of person that likes to ask. I have a helping spirit. I do whatever I can for someone I care about and I do it without expectation. This attribute has been both a blessing and a curse. I do not know how to accept or ask for help. I do but it's an uncomfortable place for me especially right now. I am truly my father's daughter (mistaking my pride for weakness). I don't want to need help and surely don't want to ask for it but I am learning something new about myself at this time. You see, my current situation is a truly humbling place. I do not have a clear plan, I do not know where my next is coming from but I know that it is coming and my emotions are haywire. I can sincerely say that this character building experience is truly testing my faith and to be honest, for a moment I thought that I was in danger of failing (one of my absolute fears has been failure but faith...)
I got caught up in the woe is me, Lord don’t you see, God do you hear me and oh Jesus did you blink (thanks EC). I almost let the devil see me slipping but there is a place... I almost let him steal my joy. I almost gave up. But God saw otherwise.... Thank you. Through it all - I am blessed and yes I am going through but you cannot come out until you are through. I know that but I truly understand it right now at this moment. God has chosen me to go through this so that I can share this with someone or help someone that is going through worse or even less and I am going to have an awesome testimony.
God works in awesome ways. He sends angels to encourage you when you are having a hard time encouraging yourself. He sends you angels to show you when you cannot step outside of yourself. An angel was sent to me yesterday sharing a few thoughts, concerns and confirmations. She said some things to me that I had only shared with God - thank you Lord and I hear you. She reminded me that pride and peace conflict and that I need to let go of my pride. She shared that she had been praying for me through her own struggles in life. How wonderful is that and how blessed am I that someone had me on their mind and took the time to pray for me - I use to love to sing that song in church but I never truly knew what it meant until this very second. I am so thankful that she has been praying. You never know how is truly praying for you or in your corner when you are all caught up in your own issues. Sometimes your issues are not about you and sometimes you are suppose to truly endure the storm so you can know what your faith is (thanks mom). I hear you now and I am listening.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qu1MNU08Au0 Lord let your will be done and please keep me sane in the meantime. Lord, give me the peace to surpass all understanding and truly praise you through the storm. I am feeling so many different things right now and I do not want to miss anything from you. Sometimes I feel like I don't hear you Lord but then you sent me an angel that eased my pain with confirmation from you. Thank you Father for the ability to hear what you provided. Thank you for the simple things (breathing, walking, thinking, seeing... all things taken for granted) and Lord, I thank you for giving daddy a new home with a new body. Father it's been hard for me but you have blessed me through month #2 and I am so thankful for your grace and mercy. I am thankful for his life and I am thankful that there is no more suffering. Father God, keep me close as I meditate on Philipians 4:6-9 - this is my scripture. It worked before and I believe it to be true. Now Father, I pray for each person that reads this transparent moment. Lord I pray that you will touch each life. Provide each with the peace, comfort, guidance and/or desire of their hearts. Let them be encouraged that we are all faced with challenges but that you are a God of hope and gratefulness. There is light at the end of the tunnel and you've got it. Lord I thank as I know it's already taken care of. Thank You Lord. Amen.

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