reinventing the woman that I was in my 20's

My birthday is tomorrow and I am almost excited.  I love birthdays - they are a blessing.  Right before my birthday I generally do an inventory of my life and get my goals in order and remind myself of where we have come from.  Not that kind that makes you feel all woe is me but the kind that makes me appreciate His hand over my life. Getting a year older tends to have this affect on me.  Stroll with me a sec.  The reflection is good because there are times when I feel stagnant and complacent but when I look over my life, I feel pretty good about the woman that I am becoming in my 30s oppose to my 20s.

 My 21^st birthday was on a Monday and it was a drunken stupor of a night.  It was my introduction to Jagermeister and I didn’t call Earl – ha.  I graduated from the illustrious Fisk University and thought that I was way grown which I now know is way overrated.  My 25th birthday was spent in Vegas with people that were for a season.  that trip is a bit of blur but there were pictures and I looked as if I had a great time.  It was a good time but all of my 20s were not spent fully in love with me and I took myself through some situations that were not completely healthy or happy.   Looking back I see that they were necessary for me to be broken down for a breakthrough.  Sometimes God takes out of comfort to bring you into contentment.

Somewhere along the way I lost me and thought I wanted and needed to be more than I was.  I was captivated by quantity instead of quality.  I felt that needed to please and be what others thought of me instead of being honest and true to myself.  There were people hurt and somewhat betrayed by the façade that was me but no one more than me.  It was never really about them but about me and it took me a long time to get to that point but I am so grateful that I did.  I grew up and dealt with me directly.  God has such a sense of humor.  I purely, honestly and directly asked Him to show me, me – the good, the bad and the ugly and boy did He.  There were things that I hadn’t truly understood about myself or even noticed to be flawed.   There were issues that I didn’t know were issues.  There were strengths that I believed to be weaknesses and vice versa.  In my broken down state when I felt that my world was over, that moment where everything that had made me be what I thought I wanted to be was stripped away and the multitudes were gone – I saw me and my ways.  The woman that God had not ordained me to be and woman that I couldn’t be proud of regardless of all the accomplishments.  There was just me to deal with and to be honest with and become reacquainted with.  I needed to learn to look in the mirror and like the person who looked back at me.  So I did and it was not easy and there were some very rocky moments but I made it.  I found a place of contentment.  I learned to be honest with who I am and truly striving to be.  I learned that I was pretty damn awesome without all of the foolishness of what others thought or wanted me to be.  I fell in love me.

At 30, I was faced with new challenges and character building experiences that I haven’t completely recovered from.  My daddy died, lost my job and my car.  My stability was rocked but in a complete different direction as before which brought about the same thought provoking self reflection.  I learned that I had a PRIDE issue that almost kept me from helping me help me get though.  Thankfully I had some really good friends in my life at the time (thanks KBCVD).  With all the life changes I moved back to LA filled with a spirit of failure with a side of grief, guilt, sadness, heartbreak and uncertainty.  It’s funny how a proclamation made would smack me in the face.  I never thought that I would move back when I left.  I was surely not the same which wasn’t a bad thing.  It just was.  I didn’t have very much established here and life has a way of going on with or without you around.  My relationships were different while other no longer existed.  Luckily, FB connected me with some restored and recreated friendships.  God will always give you who and what you need with you need.  I am truly grateful for some of these relationships/friendships/associations.

Even though I am no where I would like to be, want to be or thought I should be in my life..  I’m in a good place in my 30s and better than my 20s.  I’m just grateful for where I came from and thankful to where I am going.

31 was my 10^th anniversary celebration of my 21^st birthday, 32 was Birthday Backyard Boogie and 33 will be…. Full of Cocktails and possibly a sipper at my house – possibly.

 

 

UNINSPIRATION (S/O to DianaBoss)

(Uninspiration - made up by my buddy – DianaBoss - she likes to make up words)

Im in a strange place in my life right now.  I am so not where I want to be in my life.  I am grateful to have a job though that is all that it is, just a job – not a career.  I thought that things were going to work out at my current job and it would turn into a career opportunity but it has not.  Honestly, I like what I do but I am not passionate about it.  In fact, I am not quite sure what my real passion is or even what my purpose may be.  I am good at several different things and there are several things that I would like to do but not sure what I really want to do with my life.  I am not sure what the something is that prompts my personal plateau of success.

My sense of direction seems to be pointing in several different directions.  My Libra scales are off balance which has me all out of wack and off kilter.  My heart is all out of sorts of unfulfilled.  My relationships are kind of crazy at the moment.  There are some ups and downs.  There are some strong points and there is some room for rectification.  I am grateful to have good people in my life.  They are patient and understanding which is such a blessing.

As for the writing – so much started but not much completed.  I am passionate about it but my procrastination has a way of interfering my production.  I have allowed it a bit too long.  Though writing is like having a baby.  You have to give birth to words but before you can do that you have to carry/nurture them for a while.  This is my story and sticking to it.

In one of my daily devotionals it spoke of expecting deliverance when you feel you are at the dead end.  It spoke to me so I shared it with friends. I tend to do that from time to time.  I refer to them as daily inspirations.  I had two friends respond to this email and it was a blessing to me.  Though I know that I am not the only one feeling delayed in my dreams, it sometimes is encouraging to have people in my immediate life share that they are in the same place and they were encouraged by me.  

So the UNINSPIRATION IS SLOWLY BECOMING INSPIRED.

Freckles' Thought For this Day... Someday Has Arrived

Neon art by Kent Rogowski via Jen Bekman gallery

Someday has arrived

Life is now.

Stop waiting for your opportunity to fully live

and realize that it is already here.

Perhaps you have always thought that someday you will follow your dreams. The fact is, someday has now arrived.  Your authentic purpose is calling out to you. Now is the time to be fulfilling that purpose.  Go now in the direction you've always known you must go.

Allow the unique and beautiful person you are to come fully to life.  Let go of the excuses and rationalizations that keep you mired in disappointment and frustration. Move quickly forward by continually reminding yourself of why you are doing so. 

This is the moment for bold, yet sincere action.

Someday is here,

and the richness of life is now yours to experience.

Slippery When Wet

Some ease their way into running, conversations, diets, exercise, loneliness while some ease their way into relationships. There is always a need for ease. Ease your way into it. In fact most times it's completely necessary to take your time. Make the time to make it be profoundly appreciated. Unfortunately it's not always this way. We live in this microwave society. We live in this instant and immediate culture of everything being done fast. A society of get right to it with no regard for direction or even a start up. Some (not all but more than a few) do not put forth the complete effort to follow and flow the process to achieve. Those "some" have become comfortably complacent with the mere concern of self = self centered, self conscious and simply selfish. Far too often we are all guilty of putting self in the way of the start-up but there is hope that we can converse upon this subject for rectification.

Slippery When Wet.

So rather than tip toeing around the subject let me be direct. There are some men that do not realize that a woman needs to be inspired, encouraged, desired to get the party started. There are men that may feel the same way but I am a woman so I can only speak from my female point of view. We both are guilty of not taking the time to work together for the greater pleasure. We don't always allow ourselves to give into the moment. Allow some instruction, direction or mere suggestion to make pleasure be mutually beneficial. Sometimes there should be some ease and concern for what your partner may or may not like. What makes her feel good, sexy and/or interested in participating but it is not an immediate situation. That's where the need for ease is sincerely and genuinely a must. After all you wouldn't just get into the car and go when it's cold right? You must warm it up first before it goes where you steer to your destination. A woman is the same way. She needs to be warmed up and steered. Anyone that has ever owned a car understands that they are gentle much like women and need ease, care and attention to function. After all who wants to deal with poor lubricants or engine stalls?

Keep in mind it's slippery when wet.

If you didn't follow me there, flow with me this way. HOTSPOTS. Internet hotspots. The signal is stronger in some areas than others and sometimes you gotta try something different to obtain maximum exposure. There are times when one doesn't have their own internet connection and another may. One may be able to reach another's signal. However one may need to move around or change their routine or point of connection to obtain another's signal… ya dig? The same can be said for a woman. There are different hotspots on her that may cause a different response. It's all in the point of connection necessary for the warm up. Think about it. When you turn on your computer, laptop, cell phone, IPODs, IPADS etc. it generally takes a moment to start up before it connects so that you can use it correct?

It can get so slippery when wet.

So if you take nothing from this, please keep in mind that there is a need for ease to warm up the hot spots with possible different methods for pleasure. In order to proceed to the wet, it must be encouraged and it can't always just be about he when there are two involved. Though it is a fact that it can be done with one, it's better with two. Two hands, two lips and two people. A woman is a gentle being and should be guided in that manner. If you give into some of the above it will be slippery when wet. Someone needed this info and now you can proceed to your previously scheduled posting.

When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are [some of the] tools God uses to show us the way.

Paulo Coelho