The Dating Game: Is Chivalry Dead? Part 1

Whatever happen to long walks, good conversation sharing our likes and dislikes, long phone calls of no you hang up first? Whatever happen to coming to my front door, ringing the bell instead of text messaging when he got outside asking me to come out? Whatever happen to a man and woman going for coffee, ice cream, breakfast, lunch or simply dinner and a movie? Whatever happen to actual courtship?

Is Chivalry and Courting Dead?

Chivalry and Chivalrous are used to describe courteous behavior,

especially that of men towards women.

The art of consideration, being courteous, faithful, honorable, devoted or courtly.

I am sure that this may be foreign to some and not as useful to others. It seems that times have changed and we have strayed from old school courting. It is rather ironic that I refer to courtship as being old school within itself but as always it is what it is. I am not sure when the transition of courtship fell by the way side but seemingly it has as a whole. Don’t get me wrong they are not all gone and I am fairly certain that some do participate in this courteous behavior but as a general society it is not as common. I know this because I very rarely meet a man that invites me out for a cup a coffee, a movie or dinner.  I have been invited but there has been a lack of follow through which may be partly my fault to an extent as I have not pushed the issue but that is another post for another time.

Once upon a time I recall guys wanting to go to the beach, the movies or at least Fatburger for a night out.  I was at least be upgraded from McDonalds or Wendys however I love that damn Chikfila. You would laugh and talk and get to know each other. By the end of the date you were fairly certain whether you wanted to make them your boo see them again. There was an outing and it didn’t even cost very much since that seems to be a concern but there was some sort of initial process of compatibility. It was not laying up at the house pretending that we are going to watch a movie. 

I inquired to my friends on FB if people date and if chivalry is dead. Yes it was a large question which had several layers within but they do coincide whether we decide to believe it or not. I have to say that I was rather taken back by the responses that I received and when I heard that so many men know how to be but don’t do unless she is worth it or you have to be really into her. Wow. What qualities make her be worth it and how do you know if you are really into her if there is not any real conversation and/or date?

…Or maybe we can see a movie

Or maybe we can see a play on Saturday (Saturday)

Or maybe we can roll a tree and feel the breeze and listen to a symphony

Or maybe chill and just be, or maybe

Maybe we can take a cruise and listen to the Roots or maybe eat some passion fruit

Or maybe cry to the blues

Or maybe we could just be silent…

I have to say that I believe that a man should pursue a woman although there is not anything wrong with a woman knowing what she wants but a man should be the one to assume the role of pursuer. Don’t get me wrong. I have been known to approach a man and I have been known to be the pursuer initially. However I do allow the roles to reverse afterwards if he is man enough to handle it. Either way, it all starts with an initial attraction. There is generally something about someone that sparks your curiosity. Whether it is their looks, their “swag”, his bald head and shoulders or her freckles (smile). Some are simply a little more in tune with their nose so it could simply be their smell – yeah I said their smell, after all my grandmother always says a woman is suppose to smell good and so should men (matter of fact that Issey Miyake is FIRE and I know it wherever I am – it catches my attention). It is always helpful and can get the pheromones going. A possible introduction and/or potential conversation should follow with a possible exchange of contact information also known as getting the digits (do folks still say that?). We still have these two steps in good use but this is when it gets a little problematic. After we exchange numbers it seems that the initial conversation is lost. I can count on my fingers and toes how many times I have heard someone say “imma call you” and either they don’t or they send a text. It is not the same. Ladies do this too. I understand that technology is so great but what happened to talking on the phone instead on texting. Damnit, call me. Talk to me. So much can be misinterpreted in a text that can be said with your voice and be fully understood. I go by a persons’ word. If you say that you are going to call – call. When you don’t follow through then it is a reflection of your character and you are easily not of your word. (My opinion and yes I have been guilty of this too but again this rant it for another post - stay tuned). A conversation can go a long way and it shows some interest on both parts. It allows you the opportunity to decide if you even want to be bothered with the initial date or investing the time or money on a person. Which leads to setting up the actual date, Yes I said date – that is when two people go away from their homes on an outing so to speak. I know this again may be foreign to some but they are essential. I say that they are essential because they give each the prospect of being on an even playing field and truly see how a person acts and/or reacts. Each is able to share in the experience of being a mutually comfortable and encourage the two to interact with each other.

…Let's take a long walk around the park after dark

Find a spot for us to spark

Conversation, verbal elation, stimulation

Share our situations, temptations, education, relaxations

Elevations, maybe we can talk about Psalms in entirety…

All of this sounds good and in a perfect world it would be how it is but unfortunately this is not always how it the process pans out. We don’t always take the time to get to know each other and see if there is possible compatibility. We don't always take the time to be out and about and see how a person is.  We don't have conversations to get to know more than his pipe potential or her cup size.  Saying allof this say that it would be safe to assume that we as  society have lost site of courting.  We are all out of touch with the rules of dating and common courtesy as a whole. Some of us know how to but do not always take the to just do so.  It seems that we have all succumbed to the playing games and pointing the fingers at someone breaking the rules.  We hardly ever take the time to review the rules to the games we play.  The dating game is full of rules and consequences. In any game there are winners and losers. Some of get a head and some of take shortcuts.  It is all about how you position yourself and play the game. It would just be nice to be a bit more gracious and courteous when we decide to play.

Vibe with me.