Tuesday, September 8, 2009

My PRIDE has been keeping me from PEACE

PRIDE: Definitions of pride on the Web:A feeling of self-respect and personal worth satisfaction with your (or another's) achievements; "he takes pride in his son's success"
the trait of being spurred on by a dislike of falling below your standards a group of lionsbe proud of; "He prides himself on making it into law school"
unreasonable and inordinate self-esteem (personified as one of the deadly sins) Pride is the cultivation, preservation or exalting of self. It is a protecting of self. Pride is commitment to self. It is building up ourselves in our own eyes or in the eyes of others. Pride is an excessive belief in one's superiority, worth, merit. Pride is a root cause of many sins.
I never truly considered myself a prideful person until recently. I am not the kind of person that likes to ask. I have a helping spirit. I do whatever I can for someone I care about and I do it without expectation. This attribute has been both a blessing and a curse. I do not know how to accept or ask for help. I do but it's an uncomfortable place for me especially right now. I am truly my father's daughter (mistaking my pride for weakness). I don't want to need help and surely don't want to ask for it but I am learning something new about myself at this time. You see, my current situation is a truly humbling place. I do not have a clear plan, I do not know where my next is coming from but I know that it is coming and my emotions are haywire. I can sincerely say that this character building experience is truly testing my faith and to be honest, for a moment I thought that I was in danger of failing (one of my absolute fears has been failure but faith...)
I got caught up in the woe is me, Lord don’t you see, God do you hear me and oh Jesus did you blink (thanks EC). I almost let the devil see me slipping but there is a place... I almost let him steal my joy. I almost gave up. But God saw otherwise.... Thank you. Through it all - I am blessed and yes I am going through but you cannot come out until you are through. I know that but I truly understand it right now at this moment. God has chosen me to go through this so that I can share this with someone or help someone that is going through worse or even less and I am going to have an awesome testimony.
God works in awesome ways. He sends angels to encourage you when you are having a hard time encouraging yourself. He sends you angels to show you when you cannot step outside of yourself. An angel was sent to me yesterday sharing a few thoughts, concerns and confirmations. She said some things to me that I had only shared with God - thank you Lord and I hear you. She reminded me that pride and peace conflict and that I need to let go of my pride. She shared that she had been praying for me through her own struggles in life. How wonderful is that and how blessed am I that someone had me on their mind and took the time to pray for me - I use to love to sing that song in church but I never truly knew what it meant until this very second. I am so thankful that she has been praying. You never know how is truly praying for you or in your corner when you are all caught up in your own issues. Sometimes your issues are not about you and sometimes you are suppose to truly endure the storm so you can know what your faith is (thanks mom). I hear you now and I am listening.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qu1MNU08Au0 Lord let your will be done and please keep me sane in the meantime. Lord, give me the peace to surpass all understanding and truly praise you through the storm. I am feeling so many different things right now and I do not want to miss anything from you. Sometimes I feel like I don't hear you Lord but then you sent me an angel that eased my pain with confirmation from you. Thank you Father for the ability to hear what you provided. Thank you for the simple things (breathing, walking, thinking, seeing... all things taken for granted) and Lord, I thank you for giving daddy a new home with a new body. Father it's been hard for me but you have blessed me through month #2 and I am so thankful for your grace and mercy. I am thankful for his life and I am thankful that there is no more suffering. Father God, keep me close as I meditate on Philipians 4:6-9 - this is my scripture. It worked before and I believe it to be true. Now Father, I pray for each person that reads this transparent moment. Lord I pray that you will touch each life. Provide each with the peace, comfort, guidance and/or desire of their hearts. Let them be encouraged that we are all faced with challenges but that you are a God of hope and gratefulness. There is light at the end of the tunnel and you've got it. Lord I thank as I know it's already taken care of. Thank You Lord. Amen.

4 comments:

Traci Lavette said...

You spoke on it so eloquently, and like your mother, you have come at a time when I needed to hear the very words you are blogging. I am in the same situation and trying to stay above water at present. Sometimes we get so caught up that we are not "listening" nor "hearing" what God is trying to tell us and that is most important. So many things on the outside are so "loud" that we can't see or hear what we are supposed to be hearing. The gift is in being able to silence those thoughts and listen.

I am at a place right now, where I am practicing listening and I think I'm getting there - slowly, but definitely. I am YOU when it comes to asking for things, and even more so when it comes to accepting those things. I too have been blessed with a Guardian Angel recently and he has been a Godsend. He is giving and from the heart, so God does work in mysterious and very not-so-subtle ways.

I hope and pray that you rise from your situation and into a better place that is deserving of you.

Thank you for sharing so candidly, your thoughts.

Take care,
Traci

FreckleFace said...

Traci,

Thanks so much for your response. This blog has been keeping me sane amongst other things. I am thankful that you have been able to take something from this entry. I was very hesitant on sharing this but if I am going to truly be the woman that I am striving to be I have to be able to share the good, bad and the funny. All these situations are life changing and growth oriented. I dont want to miss my blessing by not sharing...

Again, thank you and God's abundant grace to you.

Freckles

Traci Lavette said...

Freckles...yes, you must keep telling your story because we never know just who we are helping as we help ourselves. When I first began blogging, it was to serve as a place of therapy for me and I still find myself sensoring what I write about. I admire what you have put here and will continue reading. We have so much in common. You have definitely inspired me to "put it all out there" more than I have been. And may God's abundance grace you as well...though it seems to have already begun.

I'm rooting for you!

Traci

FreckleFace said...

Blessings and Thank you. What is your blog? I would love to read it.

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