Monday, November 5, 2012

Peace and Comfort

All I want for Christmas is my heart to be healed.  I want my daddy to walk through the door, smile, to hear him laugh, have him hug me tight, provide me with some direction, have a conversation, tell me a story from his past, tell me how much he loves my sister and I even my mother.  I would give anything to be able to hear his voice right now.  My mother has shared that she has some home videos.  I havent felt like I was ready but I think that I am.

Not a day goes by that I do not think of him.  Not a day goes by that I do not miss him.  Not a day goes by that I don't wish that I would have done this or that differently.  Every time I look at me I see him and that is tough but it does make it a little better for those moments.  I constantly feel like I repeat myself when I reference my daddy but it is how I feel often.  I write it out in lieu of having one of those ugly moments that are hard to come from.

In the last few months, I have had a couple of friends lose the men in their lives.  Their fathers, grandfathers and father figures.  My heart instantly goes to those friends as I know how it feels.  I do my best to be there for them.  In that I go through my own emotions.  It hurts as it does not seem to go away.  I mourn for them and for myself all over again.  I always hope that they know that I am always there no matter the time.  I emphathize with them from a place of love and comfort.

A season of comfort and joy can also be a time of sadness and grief.  This holiday will be the first for several that I know without love ones.  It is very difficult to reflect on the greatness of their lives when you miss them so much.  I know this feeling first hand.  I know how it feels to have your heart broken in a million little pieces and not be able to put them together like your favorite puzzle.  I also understand that I was blessed to have the love and a relationship with my daddy.  He was not a perfect man but he was beyond great to me.  I think about all the conversations, all the things that he taught me and constantly wish to have just one more hug, one more conversation, one more I love you. Simple one more lesson to make me better, feel my strength and kno w moe more through his heart and his eyes.

I pray peace and comfort to all those that go through a season of thanksgiving feeling lost, alone and not a completely full.  I pray peace and comfort to all those that I loved and losty peace and comfort for all those that have been able to fight through the grief to see all that there is to be thankful for in life.  Peace and Comfort to all that have taken a moment to reflect and remember all those that have lost a parent(s), grandparents and  parent figure.  Know that you are not alone and that there was love.

Peace and Comfort,



Reggie said...

I feel you Freckles.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

i pray for you & all of my friends who need peace and comfort from time to time. my dad's brother passed right before christmas last year, and i've been thinking a lot about his daughter (my cousin) and his wife. i keep saying i want to reach out to both of them before the holiday season because i know it's going to be very hard. it's awful with a holiday reminds you of someone you love dying. i mean i guess any holiday would just make you miss them, but it seems harder when you're reliving their passing during the same time.

Freckles said...

thank you.

Freckles said...

Dont think about it. Just do it. make sure that they know that they are in your thoughts. Sometimes I think we have the best of intentions but allow time to pass and sometimes it becomes too late. The first holiday without a father is beyond tough so I can only imagine how it is for a wife without a husband. All holidays are the first and the second is just about as hard - they say it gets easier but I havent experienced exactly what that means yet. All of that to say - MAKE CONTACT.

Christie Love said...

I really want to say it gets better or the feeling passes, but having lost my mother 10 years ago it's a bit insensitive to make either of those statements to another that has lost a loved one because I can't possibly know what their relationship was like. I've found that the feeling doesn't necessarily get better or pass, but it changes. I used to have the same wish, that my mother was still here. Now I randomly have this breathless feeling, almost like I'm trying to reach out and touch her but don't quite make the connection.

Freckles said...

Change seems to be the dynamic of life. I look forward to the change becuase this constant heartbreak feeling just doesnt feel good. It sometimes gets unbearable and hard to escape the ugly cry. thank you for sharing.

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