Monday, June 21, 2010

Fathers Day: the day after

I woke up yesterday very emotional and not particularly interested in getting out of the bed.  I did the regular and prepared for church.  I was not really too enthused but tried to encourage myself in the process. I put on my good praise music and got myself together.  I gried and prayed. prayed and cried.  I did my best not to give into the moment of dark sadness.  Put my dress on and went outside to clear my head and had a very interesting conversation with my neighbor.  He said some wonderfully encouraging things that I gave complete consideration. 

I went ahead and went to church. I love my home church.  It is just a feel good place.  A place where it is completely ok to release.  My pastor said to me that I needed to just let it go and not hold it in.  She said holding it all in will hold you hostage.  Tears are for cleansing so let it all go and I did just that. She told me that the first everthing is tough.  Aint that the truth.

I fully intended on a posting yesterday but my spirit would not allow me to do much of anything but mourn my father and reflect on all things that were him. I miss him.  I love him so much and I often wish he was here.  In my reflection, I realized that I often compare men to my father.  I am drawn to men that have some of his same attributes - good and bad.  My father was far from perfect but he was the love of my life.  I know he cannot be duplicated and nor do I want him to be but I do want someone to love me as unconditionally as he.  Is that asking too much?

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