Wednesday, November 25, 2009

His Shallow "Potential" Point of My View

I was conversing with a man "friend" from my past. I use the term friend lightly but either way I dated him in high school. We were chatting and he shared that my weight was a minor issue for him since we had once been together.
So of course I inquired as to what his issue was. For my own understanding of course. He went on to tell me that I am such a wonderful person but I have such “potential”. I had to laugh to keep from getting mad initially but asked him to elaborate. He went on to explain that with a little more work I will be where I need to be. I questioned that statement a bit as I had recently lost a good amount of weight but then again he hasn’t seen me as an adult either. The last time he saw me I was 19 and I am now 30. The conversation went on and he mentioned that somewhere along the way he thought that I had stopped caring and must of let myself go but if I needed motivation he would be there for me – DUDE WHAT?!
I kindly gave him my self esteem speech as so: I embrace the body I have and I do not look to be validated by anyone. I am not going to be as small as I was in high school again. I could be but I not working that hard right now. I am fine the way that I am with my healthy improvements and I may just not be for him and I appreciated his encouragement though.
Then he hit me with the independent woman crap which began to piss me of a bit but I wanted to understand where he was coming from because he may not be the only person that feels this way or be this shallow. So I remained open to the conversation.

So, I kindly rebutted with: it has nothing to do with being an independent woman - I am just in a place of embracing who I am now and the body that I have now. That is all. I hear you and I respect your opinion. My potential is to be healthy and happy with who I am and what I look like. There are plenty of people that like me the way that I am. Either way my self esteem is what is important. If I can let go of some of this stress, I am sure the weight loss would be easier. I work out because it makes me feel good about myself not to look good for someone other than myself and anyone else would be an added bonus. Some people (men) think that I am good as I am as do I. Some like a thicker woman which seems to be what I am these days. I am not plus size by any means but I am thick. Can I lose more weight = yes. Do I have potential as you say = yes but I am consumed by it = NO! I love the woman that I am today. It doesn’t define me as long as I am healthy.
Our conversation continued and he inquired if I had stopped caring somewhere along the way again and hope that I got back on track because he know what I really am.
All of this to say that I am glad that I understand his shallow point of view and truly acknowledge that he is not the only man that feels this way or women. I am glad that I am goof place mentally so this conversation didn’t feed into my insecurities. After all, if I was truly blunt and malicious I would have gone for his insecurities or hit him with the no wonder you are going through a divorce. That would have been bitchy and totally uncalled for but it did cross my mind. Not to mention he has always been such a jealous natured person that lacked the ability to deal with a woman having an opinion that didn’t coincide with his or she being sexy, confident and/or both.  He has always had a narrow minded point of view on most subjects but I thought that was because he was a kid and he would possibly grow out of it as he traveled the world and grown up. I know these about him and some things never change. I suppose not. I saw a lot of what he showed me in him back then but never tried to change him. I accepted him as he was and with all of his flaws. There were things that were tolerated because there were so many other things that I like about him. It is a shame that he doesn’t see the shallow aspect in his approach to women. However, I will respect his opinion. He is completely entitled to like what he likes and feel the way that he feels. It’s like I said before people will show who they are and it is up to you to believe them.
Thankfully all people (men) dont feel the same way and thankfully I have enough confidence in myself to not play into his insecuritites of what he believes I should be.  Especially since we will not be a "we" truly for sure not.  I am truly motivated and even told him thank you.  I am motivated to be sure to listen and let people be who they feel they need to be outside of me.  I am motivated and encouraged to be open to a mate that will accept me for who I am and not strictly for what I look like or to be so invested in my weight that he can not move past it.  I even motivated to get my ass up and go to the gym. 


Traci Lavette said...


He is miserable and trying to transfer it onto you. He is an idiot and wants to make you think that something is wrong with you to take the attention away from all his MISHAPS - and he clearly has them.

You were good for letting that conversation continue without insulting his manhood, because he made no qualms about 'trying' to make you feel less-than. That's so not cool. You ended with "Inserts two fingers here as I consider heading to the gym". I know you said that you work out because it makes you feel good and that it's for YOU - but some of what he said stuck and so you need to NOT talk to him anymore, or at least until you decide that you are gonna clown his a$$ right back when he starts in. For real, BFF. I don't like that at all.

His wife wants out, and in his effort to heal his hurt and failure, he is attacking your being.

When he calls again, tell him "no speaka da English" and disconnect on that a$$!!!

Love ya!

Freckles said...

I tagged youon the pst on FB - did you see it? I tagged him and he removed himself and even deleted me- lol. I am so over it and I am glad that he showed me who he is. I could have gone a few different ways with it but decided to leaveit be. Be the bigger adult. I know that God is really workin on me - LOL!!! He too shall pass on by far away from me. 2 Fingers.

Traci Lavette said...

My Facebook is under serious construction right now BFF! Somebody is tampering with me on there and I don't know what the deal is. It is recommending me to be my own friend, telling me I only have 1 picture in there, and the other day when I activated my account, it had me re enter all my information and then sent me an email talking about "thank you for re-establishing your account" or some mess like that. So, they are investigating it now.

All that to say that I didn't see the note you tagged me in and that may be why :-(

I'm still able to go in but there is something super suspect about it right now...

As for 'him'. He just sounds stupid, immature, and super unworthy of all that is YOU.

COPYRIGHT Registered & Protected