Thursday, December 11, 2014

I am a BELIEVER...

I am a believer.  
I believe that He died on the cross so that I may have life and that He has a plan for my life.

I am not perfect yet no one is.  I have made a multitude of mistakes yet I have learned and grown.  I do not read my bible as much as I should yet I try to speak to Him all day in prayer and in spirit. 

I have a tattoo that I got when I was 21 though in the Old Testament it does speak to marking your temple.  I also have holes in each ear.  Sometimes I partake in a cocktail or 5.  There are times when I am not as polite or nice and my tongue gets a little slick.  I have been guilty of talking too much, cussing too much and not being enough.  I have not always told the truth and I have been vindictive though it was not always with malicious intent.  I have been faithful and faithless.  While I am being honest, I try not to complain, but there are times when my faith gets so low and I go into a woe is me.  I try to be a good person.  I am compassionate, empathetic and try to do the right thing.  I try to be a good daughter, sister and friend.  I try to be a woman of good moral character.  I try to be a woman of my word and sometimes I fall short though my intentions are always good.  There are times when my intentions are good and nothing may come from them.  I have faults and flaws.  I try to just be me.  I am constantly striving to be better.  There are times when my emotions get the best of me.  There are times when I am in a sexy sort of mood and I choose to give into my temptations.  I like kissing and sex.  I know that in my walk I need to abstain but I still believe.

My birthday is in October and my zodiac sign is Libra.  Occasionally I refer to my balance and some of the other “Libra attributes” as it applies.  I do not study astrology as I understand that it is a form of divination.  In my study I also learned that there is a difference between astrology and astronomy but that is an interesting tale for another time.  I do not worship the stars and believe that they can predict the future.  I don’t read horoscopes for belief or interpretation.  It is a form of entertainment from time to time but nothing consistently but I still believe.

I work on most Sundays but when I don’t I enjoy going to church.  I like going to church not just because it is a habit and what I have always done but because I sometimes need a little something to make it through.  I need that word of encouragement or chastisement.  I need someone to pray for me because there are times when I have a hard time praying for myself.   I need the fellowship of the people of faith so I can feel the strength of two or more gathered in His name.  Every time I have been to church in the last few months the word was tailor made for me in this specific season in my life.  I believe that is not a coincidence and He has my being in mind.

I have had a plenty and I have had not enough.  I have been in good grace and I have needed mercy.  I have been through some life.  Life has been lived in some areas.  I have had some not so grand moments.  Those instances were not my finest hours but they were proven to be character building.  I have had some low, dark valley moments.  I can honestly say that the valley gets real dark and lonely.  I have experienced not knowing where my next was coming from and/or I do not know how I am going to make it.  I have had some late night so much is on my mind knowing that I am not supposed to worry moments – more than I truly care to acknowledge.  I have cried and questioned His presence on more than one occasion.  Yet I still choose to believe that everything that I have been through has not been designed to take me out.

I am a believer.  I believe that I can be all of the above and still be a believer.  I can still repent and desire better.  I believe that all that I have experienced in this life is by His design for me to reach my level.  I believe that I get in my own way often.  I procrastinate and I am not using all my gifts (I am working on this right now).  I believe in what I don’t see but feel His presence often.  No, I am not living my best life right at this moment but I can see the growth which is worth so much more than my situations and even that is improving.   I believe in those down low alone moments that He heard my cry.  I believe that He was there when I felt like I had no one.  I believe that life without believing in something, especially Him is a life lived without hope.  I believe that the sad part of being is being without hope and faith in He. I believe that when one chooses to believe it does not mean that life will be perfect without any problems or situations. There will be joys, trials and triumphs.  There is nothing new happening now that was not in the bible.  There were people who believed and those that didn’t because they chose not.  There murders, rapist, adulterers, fornicators, pimps and prostitutes; victims and victors.  There were nations at war; there was racism and outcasts; there was hate, hope and havoc amongst some liars, cheaters and believers.  There were/are rich, poor and poorer than poor.  There were rich nations and poor nations.  There is nothing new happening that wasn’t in the bible.  

With all of that I still choose to believe.

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