Monday, September 29, 2014

disappointed expectations

We use to be friends. At this time it seems like it was moons ago that you were my go to.  I am no longer mad but I am forever disappointed with who you have become.  There were expectations met and so many that were not.  These expectations were not built by me for you but built upon the years and years of us being.  We were supposed to grow old together.  We were supposed to always be there for one another.  We were supposed to be able to be honest and forgiving or flaws.  We were supposed to be friends.  I expected you to be there… forever.

Even though my intelligent self understands the power of change, I do not understand your change.  It was just as if the season changed and so did you.  I feel as if I mixed up my lifetime expectations with a seasonal friendship.

One moment we were in a good place, we laughed, joked and even had inside situations that made our friendship unique and even special.  Then it was just full of pain, hurt and frustration.  I guess that is not all true though.  I saw some things that were different but I didn’t believe it to be in you to be.  I heard some things that were not of great caliber.  I try to be aware of the dog that brings the bone but this was the time that I may have listened a bit harder.

There were moments when I believed that I was different and we were better than that but apparently it was just me being na├»ve.  There were moments that I spoke up and said what I was feeling in hope that it would make a difference to you.  There were times when I expected better of you than you were willing to give.  Again with the expectations.  It seems to be the pattern.

All of this to say, that we had an awesome run.  The good definitely outweighs the bad.  We were good and now we are not.  Time has gone on and I am no longer mad, upset and angry.  However the hurt tends to linger.  You are doing you and I am and doing me.  While I miss you and the friendship, I am done playing the fool.  I am disappointed in how we have come to this point, There are sorts of wishes but you chose this outcome.

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