Wednesday, February 26, 2014

EXamples of He – Not for Me

EX 1:  I held you, your thoughts, your feelings, your ambition, your lust and your passion close along with your lack of drive, all of your pride and that sad excuse for love that you had for me.  We went day by day after all those years.  I gave all that I could to you and for you.  I embrace your dreams and your hope and tried to do all I could to uplift you, encourage you and keep you focused on our future.  I am so busy loving and caring and trying to be all for you that I lose track of my own happiness and what I needed.  How long must I set myself aside and possibly miss out on someone that may be for me for the fact that I love you more than it seems that you love yourself. Rhetorical.  Day after day I loved you regardless of you being mine to love.  I love you regardless of what it has cost.  I tried to love you enough to compensate for this world that is so cruel and seems too unfair to you so you said.  I loved until it hurt when I don’t know if you are ok because you are not answering the phone when I called.  Not knowing where you were, if something had happened or if your karma has caught up with you.  I love you until it hurts from worry and tears that wet my pillow where I lay scared that something has happened to you or wondering how I can help you. My tears have filled and now my cup runneth over.  It’s time for a release but I can’t seem to let go.  I love you and it hurts so badly when once upon a time it was so good and it gave me multiples. When fucking you made me feel close and safe and that it was us sharing our love with each other.  Now I can’t seem to release.  Release all the emotions, thoughts feelings that hold me hostage to the possibilities of who I thought you were.  I can’t let go and it hurts so bad. I loved you so much that prayed for you almost more than I prayed for myself as if my salvation was enough for the both of us.  All of this and for what?  I cannot seem to get a return on my investment and now I can’t seem to let go but now I'm leaving.  It hurts as bad as I feel the words of Ms. Hill and it coincides with Jill’s slowly surely. Slowly surely. Slowly surely.  I walk away.  If only you believed in you as I believe in you and you would see yourself worth as I see that loving you has always been worth it even though you have never been mine to love.  I try to love you enough for the both us but it turns out that it is never really enough. Woe is me and I can stand this shit and all I really want you to do is man up but again I love you as you are full of flaws and with too much love for them same streets that keep me up at night worried about you and knowing that you may not even be thinking about me.  How long do I compromise my heart and my happiness for love that only truly exist in my heart alone and leaves me empty all by myself?  The kind of love I do not deserve but hold onto because it’s apart of you and I settled to have a piece of you with no true purpose.  Then one day it all just clicked.  I grew into me and recognized my own worth. 

~LOVE, Curiosity and My Freckled Words...~

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