Monday, December 31, 2012

Final Post of 2012: Flowing from my heart

Novemebr and December have been a challenging month.  It has been a rollercoaster of emotions that have impacted so many that I care about. 

My friend's wife lost her father all of a sudden.  He hadn't been sick.  I reached out to her with my Peace and Comfort post.  I always feel lead to be there for people who lose a father as I know what it is like.  I do not take away from anyone who has lost someone but I the lost of a father seems to really impact a girl/woman.  Then another friend lost her father/daddy.  She had mentioned in October that he had a stroke but last I had heard he was rehabbing and doing well.  Our mutual friend text me saying the funeral was Monday and I was like what... *blankstare at text message* We agreed we would go and be there for her.  She was surprised to see us and it was good to be there for her.  Her father was in the army so they saluted him and folded the flag presenting it to her mother.  I have to say that in that moment as the folded the flag something came over me.  I began to ger really warm and I could feel me go into the moment when my daddy's flag was being folded for meme very emotional.  I turned my head and fanned uncontrolably.  It has been almost 3 years since my daddy died and I didnt know that this was going to impact me as it did.  I have had a good few months (moments but no down pour of tears).  I tried to get it together as this was not about me. My friend that was sitting next to me asked me if I was ok and and began to console me and I begged her not to rub me.  There is something about rubbing that makes the tears flow and again this was not about me.  After the funeral, she came over to me and thanked me for being there.  We went to the repass and we chatted.  I told her to call me if she ever needed to talk.  My heart was full and I shared some things with her.  She seemed appreciative.  I check on her often.  I knew the holidays were going to be hard.

My grandmother's best friend of over 50 years passed after 2 year health battle.  It was sort of sudden since we all believed she was getting better.  My grandmother has taken it kind of hard.  She will be 80 in February (God willing) and this was one of her last close friends to pass.  In my mind I know my grandmother will not be here forever and I know that I am so blessed to still have her.  She is fairly healthy though this year has been rather turbulent with her health but honestly it is more mental with her.  I think that she kind of feels alone.  I am so glad to see my mother really be there for her without taking away her independance.  It is awesome and it really makes my grandmother feel good.  I am so proud of my mother.  My grandmother has lost so many people in her lifetime.  I often cannot believe how strong she presents herself to the world.  She keeps so much toherself.  She is a very private person which we as her family respects.  I hope she will open up more.

One year ago today, My dad's mother (grandmother) died.  She had been on dialysis for over 10 years and battled chemo two times around.  She was tired and I recall our last conversation.  It felt final and I made sure that she knew how I felt unlike when my dad died.   I woke up this morning wanting to call her.  I caught myself and smiled.  I was truly felt at peace.
Our Christmas was amazing.  We went to church at 8 am for our testimony service which was awesome.  We had a good turn out.  I am often amazed that with a church on almost every corner in Los Angeles so many of them are not open on Christmas.  Our service is about an hour and half with refreshments and fellowship following.  Of course I said a little something.  I was even spoke of.  In my Christmas cards to my church family I wrote some personal notes. One of my favs acknowledged that in her testimony which was nice.  She is always encouraging me and sharing little somethings with me.  She sometimes calls me just to say hey lil sis I am thinking about you.  Have a good day.  I am thankful for that.  I cooked non traditional dinner (turkey and spinach lazagna which was delicious with garlic bread).  My mother made some hot mulled cider (tasty).  My sister, brother-in-law and kids came over and after we exchanged gifts, we played games the rest of the evening.  Good times with my family.  We do not spend this kind of time together enough but in the new year we are hoping to make it a weekly event.
Today (NYE), I went to work and ironically enough the people were super nice.  There is something special about NYE that makes people just be nice.  Which was very refreshing since the holiday season was uhm... uhm... well let's just say that I am glad that survived it and that I am still employed - THANK YOU LORD.
In this year, I have strayed as a friend a bit.  I know it is not always easy to be my friend.  I am grateful that they understand.  I am going to be better.  I have accepted that some relationship/friendships have concluded which is somewhat tough but it is what it is.  It is true what they say that some people are in your life for a reason and/or a season.  Hopefully there are some lessons learned and growth experienced.  However my door and spirit remains open.
There were some wonderful post written, read and encouraged.  The still so many thing that have remained unsaid and I am ready to birth their existence.  I am have realized that I write for me and for many of you (that actually read and/or write).  I like the conversations and thoughts shared.  I appreciate all points of view.  I hope that there will be more shared next year.  I am anticipating wonderful things in the new year.  I am optimistic like never before.  I am hopeful and full of warm fuzzy feelings.  I am open and ready to receive all that is due me.  I am ready to create new. I am grateful for this outlet to share the things that flow from my heart.
Keep Your Hands Open.  You cant receive if your hands arent open.
Whatever your past is, your future is spotless. (thanks VR)
Yall Be SAFE and Write Ya NEXT YEAR.
See you in 2013

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