Sometimes I sit real still and quietly hope to hear your voice. These are the moments that I realize how grateful I am that I had a wonderful man in my life. A man that always made me feel special and loved me more than I have words to describe. I am so blessed. There are so many young ladies out there that are not blessed to have such and I will always be continually thankful that God chose you to be my daddy.
You know I wish that you were here. There are a few things that I would like to run by you for your guidance. I miss that about you. You were a good listener and you didnt really say much until I got it all out. It's funny looking back at some of those late night calls when I was paniced or freaking out how calm you were. I took for granted that you would always be there to comfort me or even save me from myself. I need that right now.
I often wonder if you can hear me when I talk to you. You see so much has changed since you died. I have changed. I am not as outgoing as I was to an extent. My emotions are hot and cold. I am still heartbroken. My relationships have changed due to the my rollercoaster dynamic. I am still having a hard time redefining me. A hard time developing a new normal. I didnt know that going on without you was going to be this hard and some days are better than others. I miss you more than anything and I just want to not be broken. I want to hear your voice. see your smile. feel your love. If only once more. I wish that you would come to me in my dreams and just tell me that you love one last time. I wish that I didnt feel as alone as I do without you. I wish that a piece of me wasnt gone with you. I wish that some thoughts of you didnt take my breath away. I wish that I could tell you Happy Birthday to your face.
I know better and I am going to do better. I am going to do my best not be sad today. I am going to do my best to not just dwell in my grief. So, on this day I honor you and your memory. I cherish what I had and hope to see you in my dreams. I look forward to seeing you again and hope that I make you proud. I miss you and love you.
I love you daddy, Happy Birthday!!!
Rest In Paradise.