I often feel alone since you have been gone. It seems to be a constant conflict. I cannot replace duplicate create. There’s so much that I wish that I could change. I wish that I was there. I still harvest some of the guilt of not being there. I just really miss you. There are so many things that I want to talk to you about and things that I would love to have your feedback on. Look you in your face and see my reflection in you knowing that there is nothing but love behind our eyes.
Sometimes I sit and wonder what it would be like to hear your voice. What it is would be lie to truly listen to your questions in a conversation that make me pull from the inside to solve any of life’s dilemmas. I would give anything to have a moment with you right now. Its ironic how much you want something when you know there is no way that it is possible. I suppose that is just instilled in humans. Sometimes I sit in front of the mirror staring at your image looking back at me hoping to just hear your voice for a moment. It’s amazing how much I look like you as I get older. Often in that moment I wish that it was really you.
I know it has been 2 years but the pain of heartbreak is still on me. I am not crying everyday anymore and I accept that you are gone but once Grandma died this overwhelming feeling of hurt has been on me. I can’t really describe it or really have the words to express it. It just hurts and sometimes my heart just hurts. I’m sad. I miss you. I miss grandma. I need to continue to grieve but it just seems to be a bit much for me. I just feel like it’s one of those times when crying may not be helpful. Honestly, it all makes me feel kind of crazy that I am still redefining me after all this time. I suppose you being gone is just not one of those things that you just get over. I love you and really want you to be proud of me. I want you to know that I am trying to be a better person, better woman. I want you to know that I am tired, frustrated and often feel very much alone with all my feelings. I feel like you are the only one that would be able to understand. I miss you daddy.
I love you,
Your Freckled Daughter