Sunday, December 13, 2009

These Legs are Built for Standing.

It's storming outside right now. There is heavy rain, thunder, lightning and wind. There is something about a storm. Storms are turbulent and sometimes severe. The same can be said about the storms of life.

I will not be defeated. I have been feeling defeated and discouraged amongst other emotions. Being discouraged is a scary place to be especially when you are a Christian. It tests your faith and yourself worth. It is very easy to be negative and you must work harder to be positive or simply encourage yourself not even considering anyone else. I know that I am not the only one. I have been very consumed with all of my stuff but try to encourage someone else as much as positive. Sometimes when we speak positivity to someone else we minister to ourselves. This is only situational and as EVERYONE says this too shall pass. Life has happened to me and though it is so much easier to be negative and give up - I will STAND. I am thankful that God chose me to go through this storm. He chose me to learn more about me, learn and depend on Him more and allow me to see things clearly. I am thankful. In all honesty, this going through is tough. I am often discouraged and feeling overwhelmed. It has been a rather emotional few months. I am still thankful.

I read a blog by Reese the other day that touched me but I didn’t completely have the words to express all that came to mind. I have been rather lackluster lately and kind of melancholy. There are more things going through my head that I truly care to share. I will say that my main focus has been looking for another job and trying to put me back together. Then Thanksgiving came. It has made me even more emotional. There are so many things that I am truly thankful for but I am more thankful that this year is about over. I wish that I could hear my dad's voice while I am going through this storm. I miss him. I think about him all the time. I see him every time I look in the mirror. I am looking more and more like him as I get older. I wish that I would have done so much more. I wish that I could have said so much more. It has only been 5 months and everyday is a struggle especially these holidays. This will be first without him living. I’m nervous. In my time of grief I have had so many friends share that there is no timeline and take my time to process what has happened. My heart burns still. I love him and I am him. He has been on my mind heavy lately. I wish...

Through it all. I am still standing. I am making it - not like I truly want to be making it but I am. I have made lots of mistakes but who hasn’t. I have forgiven myself for those mistakes and have moved forward with the grace of God. He brought me through and I know He will bring me through this. This going through is tough but it is what it is at this time. All I can do is praise Him through and open up to people in a way that I never have. I am blessed to be able to go through. I know this sounds kind of crazy but I am thankful that God chose me to go through and stand in the midst of it all. I am learning more about myself and growing. I am able to see people for who they really are and able to let their season pass in my life. There are people in my life that I didn't know had my back the way that they have - you know who you are (thank you).

I write to free myself of it all. I do not always give into all the conspiracy theories, male/female issues or even who I cheating on who. I do not always want to entertain but possibly encourage someone else. I know that I am not the only one going through something. Who do you know needs encouragement today? Look around. Most likely many of the Christians around you are hurting and need your encouragement to bring courage to their lives. My prayer for you is that you will be known as a great encourager of many! So, I stand and will continue to do so. I will have some days where my knees may fail me but I am going to get back up again.

These legs are built to STAND and that is what I will do.

Be encouraged today and STAND


Katlynne LaSalle said...

God be with you during this difficult time Freckles. I can tell by your healthy state of mind, that you are walking closely with Him.

By the way, your legs...Beautiful!!

Take care and hope to hear from you soon...

Traci Lavette said...

Hey Freckles,

I am so sorry you are going through this rough time and it has only been 5 months, so give yourself time to heal, sweetie. As you know, I lost my brother on my birthday, 3 years ago, and my ex to suicide last October so I have been in transition for what seems like forever. My life has taken turns from one situation to another because I am looking for myself and trying to not let their deaths be in vain. I miss them both so very much. I would say to talk to your father. Have real conversations with him as though he were still here and see if that helps your heart any. Ask God to cover you with Angels during this rough patch of life.

I have a sense of what you are going through because with all the changes I have been through in this year alone, it took me up until about a month ago to realize that I never quite allowed myself to heal from my hurts of losing the two of them. It has had me on a rollercoaster ride for some time now so I made the decision to confront it all and see what I come up with.

Please let me know if you need anything from a friend. If it's talking on the phone or whatever, just let me know. I know you said that your writing helps so I'm glad you have that relief, but I'm here if you need me.


E said...


It is a gift to be able to be thankful in the middle of turmoil...It is an even greater gift to be able to inspire others...

Continue to write young lady....your "pen" can truly move people...myself included :)

Freckles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Freckles said...

I want you all to know I truly appreciate you reading. I am blessed knowing that someone is encouraged by my sharing my heart & soul. It is cleansing and encouraging to write - so thanks E.

Traci, you are so special and I am so truly appreciative. I may take you up on the offer. Hope that you dont regret it - lol.

Kat, I try to keep the legs together. I ran track for many years and they have never failed me so I hope that they will continue to hold me up - lol. btw, I just finished the book and about to write a blog about it. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED IT!!!!

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