Monday, December 28, 2009

Paper + Purge = Peace

New Year is among us and time to get rid of some of the clutter. I have been cleaning up, minimizing, downsizing, throwing out and letting go. I have gone through all the bags of old papers –

SIDEBAR: I do not know where all of these papers come from.
There are so many papers and they keep accumulating in such a short period of time.
Gee. Oh, all the papers.

While trying to see what’s going to be available to throw away and shred/burn them when I came across a bunch of old cards, letters and notes some high school but mostly from college (1997-2000). These were thank you cards and letters, birthday cards, over the summer letters, valentines and just because.

It is amazing how much communication has changed and/or evolved over the years. It is just not at all personal. There was a time when I collected special stickers, stencils, stamps and colored markers to decorate my letters and envelopes so that they knew it was from me. I use to love to check the mail and have that special correspondence from friends while we were apart. I even found some old stickers

I sat back and read each and every letter, opened each and every card. I smiled and even teared over all the warm regards (they liked me they really liked me). Not tooting my own horn but there was a common tone in most of my correspondence which was “...don’t ever change...”, “...stay the diva that you are...,” and “ are truly a good friend...”. I will have to agree - I am a good friend
(poppin my collar).

SELF REFLECTION: As I look back over that time in my life up to now and see who I was then compared to who I am now. The many mistakes, the many accomplishments, the many life changing experiences endured through the years due to the choices made (wrong or right). I see now that I lost the essence of me at some point and did the one thing that many asked me not to do. I changed a bit and didn’t allow myself to see me for who I already was. I felt like I wasn’t enough. I did run across a letter from a friend that I had lost touch with (adunwag) until facebook of course. She stated that she was thankful that I cared when she thought no one did (it was genuine) and she closed the letter with “learn to love yourself entirely and love will come to you.”


(light bulb moment)

IF only I had been able to read that then and truly understood it with the knowledge that I know now. I didn’t and it took for me to make some bad choices and go through some life changing character building experiences to understand what that meant. Damn. I am thankful for that letter from her now, at this very moment – 10 years later. GRATEFULNESS.

I love all of those cards – my 18th birthday when the 3rd floor divas of Crosthwaite gave me a birthday party (thanks ladies) and lots of birthday cards, 19th birthday in Jubilee Hall and My 20th birthday at Riverbend. My 21st birthday with my FISKITES at Fridays when it was on Elliston Place. The friendships made, built, lost, redefined, changed and re-established over the years. The love lost, found and deleted over the years.

Yes, there are some things that I would have done differently and some friendships that I would have fought harder for but if I had, I may not be the woman that I am today (and steadily try to be) with this thankful spirit.

(FB FRIENDS: So, know that you are so appreciated. Each of you have made me be a better person. Each of you have impacted my life in a different way. Each of you, though I may not express it to you singularly but know that I recognize and appreciate. Thank you for the reason and the season).

Well sharing is caring,



JStar said...

Refelctions make you see whats already in front of you...That you just never realized or been too busy to notice...It makes us stronger...Her quote wasnt meant for you to understand then, it came back to you when it meant the most to you :) Have a blessed New Year!

the.kisser said...

that was a great reflection, it has also caused me to look inside myself. thank-you for that. take to heart what she said, “learn to love yourself entirely and love will come to you" and live everyday by it.


Freckles said...

I am going to make a memory card of that and keep it with me.

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