It was Storming...

The wind blew and the trees swayed while the rain began to fall. The rain was cold in competition with the crispiness of the air.  The sky grew dark and the colors were many shades of gray.  The feel was somber and my spirit felt a nervous calmness.  The storm was coming.  The clouds were full of despair and at the capacity with only the ability to release all of sadness, frustration, anger and most of all fear.  Fear of the absolute unexpected and the realization that destruction looms. 

Destruction has been a constant the last few years.  It has been surrounding and affecting so many people as well as impacting all that has been obtained, collected, built and established.  The storm has no regard to these matters and is insistent on releasing all the pressure.  As the sky begins to cry slowly the air continues to chill.  The shift in the temperature unsettles the spirit and seeking a refuge is the initial thought with worry straddling behind.  The wind becomes fierce and the tree sway becomes more of an uncoordinated rock.  There was a brief calm before the sky let loose and the anger unconstrained in the form of rain.  The roar was reminiscent of a train and the lighting lit the sky almost like a fireworks show.  It is kind of amazing how poetic darkness and light can be in the midst.  In that moment I could relate to the storm.  It is almost scary how relevant the storm is to life.

Life is happening and can be a constant cyclone of emotion, a hurricane of disasters and more than enough rain to either have overflow of feelings.  Far too often I feel alone in the storm without a direction or any sort of peace.  All the matters of my heart conflict and rage into a frenzy that works me up and out without any regard to an outlet.  I don’t know which way to turn, who to talk to or if anyone tends to care about all the shit that is currently going in my head.  There is no regard for wrong right or indifferent.  There are only feelings.  Not enough this or desire for more of that, too much distance, family and friends under and over attack, not knowing where the next is coming from.  To not be sure if love is enough and if the transition will make me or break me down and if I will crumble under the pressures.  I miss my daddy and I need him to help put all of this into perspective.

My heart is heavy and full.  I tend to hold it all within but far too often the load gets heavy and there’s need for release.  Sometimes it doesn’t all make sense and everything is everywhere.  There have been so many natural disasters in the form of storms happening and life still continues.  No one is exempt from the storm no matter the race, orientation, and sex or other.  We all go and grow through things.  We all have a tendency to feel overwhelmed with life and the storm sometimes seems to be the most destructive circumstances.  I’m grateful that I am able to endure the storms of life and watch the aftermath flourish.  We can survive.