Thinking...

So, yeah I am up when I should be sleep.  I have to be up in about 5 hours but there is so much on my mind but nothing really all in the same thought.

·         I have kind of been lonely in a world full of people but not really.  I guess it is the companion aspect that I miss a bit.  There phone conversations and confessions of the next time whispered across the line.  The desire to want to be close or simply in the same space just being.   It has all been on my mind especially after my single post which has a bunch of new thoughts.  So here I be… thinking

·         I have some good people in my life that have lives of their own which is what it is (when did I start overusing that line – It is what it is – yet is just makes sense and it be.  Everyone has stuff going on and no really going on. There are so many matters of the world that consume our spirits and time just seems to go on.

·         Damnit October is just bout over. TIME just moves and goes.   The seconds turn into minutes to hours, then the days go into months and the year is over.  I was so excited about my birthday and it just sort of came and went. Now its almost November – Thanksgiving, Christmas and just like that a New Year with new goals. (There is a Thanksgiving Challenge if anyone is interested – SEE NEXT POST)

 

·         I am trying to stay optimistic that a breakthrough is upon me.  The valley gets dark but I just need to stay in tune with my FAITH.  I feel like God is truly moving in my life yet I don’t know what is going on so I guess I just need to rely on FAITH.

·         I have started gaining some weight and it has made me feel some kind of way yet I know what I need to do. I just need to do it and before the holidays come around.  Again that damn TIME is just a ticking.

·         I sometimes wonder what I am suppose to be learning in this process of going through and why is it that I am not as productive as I want to be,  why I have so many good unexecuted ideas and why the demon of procrastination and I stay connected like a ball and chain.

·         I wish worry and fear didn’t exist.

·         Why? Just a thought that I do not think that I ready to share.

·         Boo for analization.  Ever think about scenarios and/or situations and wonder if there was something that you could have done differently? I have been thinkin about that too

·         I need to mend some friendships.  Not there is anything that happened directly but I think that there are some people that I need to remind that I care.

·         I miss conversations and technology has stymied some relationship or at least I have allowed it to.  I remember a time when I use to write letters, send cards and talk on the phone nonstop.  I have bundles of stationary and cards that I have not taken out the package and there is a box full of hallmark cards that I have not sent.  Smh.

·         I have a package for a friend that has decided that we are no longer friends.  I procrastinated on mailing it and it is just sitting.  I am tired of looking at it and I do not feel that it is appropriate to recycle it.  What to do?  It’s kind of funny that I am not as hurt as I thought I would be.  I guess the season was up and life goes on with and without.

·         It sucks to care about someone more than they seem to care about themselves.

·         He didn’t call me for my birthday.

·         There is another friend that is not much of a friend to me anymore that seems to take advantage of the length of the “friendship”.  I cannot make anyone do anything that they do not want to do – still an incomplete thought

·         I love that my niece is crazy about me.  She makes me smile and it is a nice feeling.

·         I have a crush.

·         I need to upgrade my deserve level.

·         I am so not where I want to be in my life – it’s an ongoing battle.

·         Why is it so easy for one to be good for sex but not good enough for a relationship?

·         Being grown is overrated.

·         I haven’t had a real date in a while.  The kind that is whirlwind and full of butterflies.  A real dinner, movie, walk on the beach and endless verses of conversation. Just coffee, quick bite and maybe a movie at the house.

·         My cell phone is a piece of sh!t and cannot wait to get a new one.

·         While there is so much to be thankful for why is it so easy to be concerned with what one doesn’t have.  I never want to deem ungrateful but I know there has got to be more.  I once had more and I am still learning being content with what I have now.  Human Nature is a BEAST.

·         What about the one that got away or wasn’t completely recognized until it was too late?

·         There are so many folks that are married that shouldn’t be married because they still pretend to be single.  It makes me more comfortable being single not to have to worry about the politics.  I am glad that I have been able to see happy marriages but it seems to be so many that are ugh.  I get hit on by married me all the time and I am not sure what it is about me that makes them think that I would be ok with being the other woman.  Karma is something.

·         Lust and Love are terrible conflicts.

·         I wish some relationship were stronger than they are currently.  How do you really deal with the past and leave it be when it constantly haunts you or randomly floats in and out of you subconscious?

·         TRUST vs LOYALTY – incomplete thought but a thought nonetheless

·         I thought that I had found my MOJO but I was deceived.

·         I miss him and I am over this grief and heartbreak.  It’s kind of strange how I have noticed that I have begun to see men differently since my daddy passed.

Just some thoughts...