Saturday morning my phone rang at 4:53 am. I cracked my right eye open to check out the caller ID and it said my cousin’s name. I was awaken by her trembling voice as she heard herself say the words out loud. It’s ironic how real situations are when they are spoken out loud. Then she said it with full emotional break, “Granny passed this morning”. Oh no.
I instantly felt paralyzed knowing the reality was full frontal. In that moment I immediately went back to the moment that I learned that my father (her son) had died. I needed to hear it then as now. I am so grateful that we spoke the previous week. I am grateful for the conversation with my auntie that lead to the opportunity to say “I love you” just one last time. I am grateful for the words that she spoke to me that gave me comfort and left me reassured that we would laugh again. In the reflection of that moment I now see how final it was. I didn’t have that when my daddy died. There was/is so much guilt consuming my heart for that. I grateful that God didn’t see it necessary to put that on me again.
It’s ironic when you folks (i.e. ME) say that there are some things/people that I will not being taking into the new year not really considering what that statement really means. I had no clue that it included my grandmother who I thought had some more time. We do not always take into consideration that time is not always of us. It’s more precious than we give credit. It does not wait or linger. It just constantly moves (with or without). There is nothing like death to put some things into perspective encouraging you to put your priorities and people in order.
My heart is full and my mind is cluttered. In my frustration I am hurt that I will not be able to attend her funeral. I am grateful that I was able to assist with my sister’s fare to Illinois so she could attend for us. My cousin put together our grandmother’s obituary and thought of me to assist her. I shared with her that I truly appreciated her for including me. It gives me joy to be apart in some minute way. She assured me that I was her baby too and it was only right. She asked me to write something for grandma’s obituary and I did so. This is what I wrote:
With bowed heads and closed eyes, we give thanks to Thee. We thank Him for the blessing of your warm spirit, caring nature and jubilant smile. Your warm spirit calmed each heart and allowed so many to fall in love. Every person that has ever been in your presence is better because of you. The right words at the right time, always comforting and always sincere. Always teaching what’s right and what’s wrong while rising to meet every challenge.
Oh, how your legacy sings!
With bowed heads and closed eyes, we give thanks to Thee. Thankful for the root where our foundation begins and acknowledging that you are the inspiration of our dreams and our strength to succeed. Ever so thankful for your faith that kept us all going. Your character kept strong with your integrity in tact never being told what couldn’t be done.
Oh, how your legacy sings!
With bowed heads and closed eyes, we give thanks to Thee. Thankful for your light that will brighten our journey at even the darkest hours. We will not only celebrate your love for us but the love we all have for you. We will celebrate your strength, your character, self confidence along with your hard work.
Oh, how your legacy sings!
With bowed heads and closed eyes, we give thanks to Thee. We thank Him for allowing us to have you for as long as we did so that we may be able to see your example of spirit and spunk. We love you and know that you will Rest in Paradise Grandma BB.
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