Wednesday, November 11, 2009

TODAY'S GUEST BLOGGER: Dude-Relax (Six Flags)

I think that it is important to share good reads and special bloggers.  We are a community of folks that all have something to say and sharing is caring.  I love this blog and le tme introduce you to a wonderful artist, student, writed and wonderful person.  She is hella awesome and from the Bay Area but lives now in the ATL - TODAY'S GUEST BLOGGER: Dude-Relax CJV, check her out: Dude, I'm trying to relax

SIX FLAGS.
I don't know how many people you've had sex with. I'm single and 33. I know a dude who has some mathematical equation for how many partners is an acceptable number for a girl he'd marry. I forget the equation. I forget if my number made me ineligible.

I sometimes find myself evaluating them, comparing performances. I find they can be broken down into categories often. Some dudes are better at certain things. Some dudes can kiss but can't eat. Some can eat but can't stroke. Some can stroke but only for a minute or two. Some are boring. Some are like roller coasters. I always loved Magic Mountain.

There's only a few who were practically perfect in every way. They kissed and touched and damn i just pressed this out damn i just got these sheets out of the dryer damn can i just rest a second damn i'm glad i shaved. They're all different from each other, but they all meet a particular criteria. And those criteria are:

STAMINA: unless it is specifically expressed that this is a quickie, 30 minutes constitutes an acceptable amount of time to be considered one who possesses stamina. If you can go longer than that, you're at the top of somebody's list. Pat yourself on the back.

KISS: if the kiss is sufficient to make legs feel somewhat jelly-like, possibly make her lose her balance, maybe cause dizziness.

STROKE: a good stroke is sufficient enough to warrant not kissing, should illicit a breath, or other type sound (grunt or moan, depending on the speed) possibly one or more four letter words.

TOUCH: a grab, a caress, a hand on or around or a rub or a squeeze or even a slap (you know where)

INNOVATION: an unusual and creative approach in three areas:
Library of Positions
Lyrical Content
The OSDHJDT: oh shit did he just do that.

There were moments that warranted communication over the airwaves via email, or if instant communication is necessary, a direct phone call or text message. The culprit may have gotten a phone call himself.

Hey. Yesterday/Last Night/This Morning was just.....thanks dude.

They've all come close to being suffocated by my thighs. I've been admonished for trying to scurry away. I've had my head pulled back by the root of my hair, bruises, scratches, heat packs for sprained back muscles. I've been growled at, whispered to. I've had an entire conversation about the goodness of my day. There were dreads and bald heads and low fades. They are dark chocolate to milk chocolate. Kinda tall to very tall. They've done ill shit. Unexpected, incredibly disgusting, awesome, fantastically nasty things. We've broken beds, knocked things off of tables, fallen, run to the kitchen for a drink of water and cold grapes. They occupy your thoughts for the next day or so, and no work gets done. You shudder, you smile, cheesing even. Another acetaminophen or ibuprofen may be necessary.

Shout out to my first true love.
Shout out to the best I ever had.
Shout out to the one who thinks I'm the best.
Shout out to the roller coaster ride.
Shout out to the one who won't stop damn what time is it.
Shout out to the one I haven't seen in a long time.

While I'm often preoccupied with thoughts of love, pure lust creeps up on my from time to time. And while I don't remember exact dates, I remember whose specific skills and experience exceeded the job requirements.

and yes there is a number one.

1 comment:

RoByn LaTice said...

Thanks for sharing! :)

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