FUmissindependentCK

I am sure that there will be some positive and negative spins on this subject but it is what it is and I feel how I feel. However you are all entitled to your own opinions but I do hope for a discussion. Fuck Miss Independent! At the end of the day I am single and am only INDEPENDENT due to circumstance. Yea I said it and I only partially mean it. I have to work and take care of myself (with occasional help from the parental units). I have to go to work so I have to pay my bills and possibly purchase a fabulously sexy pair of shoes for that off the banger shoe-gasm instead of my B.O.B. Yes, sometimes it is like that when a sista is on a drought like California.

                               I digress…

I am only truly independent because I have to be and because my mother and father taught me to depend on myself. My father taught me the discipline of martial arts and sports (soccer and track). He encouraged my mom to keep it feminine. My mother was strict about education and even encouraged college out of state so that I would have new experiences. While my parents were together, I watched my father provide for our family. He made sure we were all well taken care of. He was a man that tried to honor is role as a man, a father, a husband. I also saw my mother struggle to get her degree, work a full time job and raise two daughter while trying to find her independence. She never really had to work because she was provided for and when her life changed she had to make some changes as well. While my father was involved in our lives, he was no longer in our home. It changed me and I always wanted to be sure that I wouldn’t have the shift of roles or be so dependent on a man but when we know better we do better. All of that and I am still a single lady that doesn't have a ring on her or a love that is my very own.

                     
                            Again, I digress...

I have said this before when the question of my "status" comes up. I need a man to be my man and be able assume the role of being a man. If I had a man that was man enough to be my man it would be about him being head of household. Yeah I said it and it is ordained by God (read your good book sometimes). I would love the opportunity to work and not have to be completely responsible for keeping our household. Frankly, I am not all that responsible but I do my best. I had a conversation with a potential husband applicant and he said that if we were to get married I should be happy that all the bills were paid = roof over your head, all utilities paid including cable and internet so I could talk to you all that our home was fully furnished. I was listening to him thinking hell yeah sounds like a plan and where do I sign. Not really but honestly it sounds good to me. He went on to share with me that my shoe habit was not really an issue but I would have to work to maintain habit (in my head that was truly make it a habit) but nonetheless I heard what he was saying. He explained to me that he was a man and if I were his wife it was his duty to provide the necessities of living (i.e. home, car and good love and communication etc.) and return he would hope that I would respect our home by keeping it clean and kept, his desire to work (he drives trucks so he is gone for long periods at a time but he loves his work) and make sure that we maintained our relationship and kept it sexily nasty not necessarily only in the bedroom but you get the point. Hell, I can do that daddy went through my head as I heard my favorite Luther wedding song in my head and imagined this wonderful party because we eloped and decided to have a party after the fact. We just wanted to be married. :)

Seriously, I heard him and truly listened to what he had to say upon the subject. The conversation went more in depth but it's truly known of your business or relevant to this matter. However I did wonder if I truly have the ability to let my man (future husband) be my man in every aspect of the word and if that is why I am single.  I would like to believe that I am sincerely ready to let go of my singularly independent ways and become part of partnership. Although, I have been taking care of myself for a long time. I like being able to come and go as I please. I can appreciate that when I am irresponsible it only impacts me for the most part. I like that I do not have children and don’t have to care after anyone but me. I like that I don’t have to communicate my desires to someone or be conscious of how they feel about things and even compromise on life changing situations. All of that sounds good but aren't some of these things contradicting attributes of marriage?

I understand that I must be able to bring something to the table. I have to have something to offer besides that wonderful gift between my legs. I have to be there for him, support him, nourish him, love him, stroke (not only in the sexual sense) but I have to allow my man to be a man. I must respect his place as my man and I as his woman. We all have our roles in relationships and I sometimes see us all not respecting our positions (roles). Again, I say read your good book). Women sometimes get too caught up with being independent that we sometimes feel like we can be a man and cross that line. Then there are men that want to be men but do not want hold the title in its entirety.

Honestly, I can deal with that and I want that. I want a man that is man enough to be my man. A man that has a back bone, good communication, doesn’t mind telling me the truth even when there is a chance that my feelings may get hurt (though Imma need him to find a tactful way of saying it to me). A man that believes that being a man is taking care of his family and being a provider (emotionally, spiritually, mentally and financially). It is his role as head of household and it is divine order (God, Man than Woman). However we live in a society where there are not too many two parent households and where a mother sometimes has to do her best to teach a boy to be a man when it is not her role to do so. We live in a society where it is ok for a woman to carry both roles of mother and father where she does as much as possible to provide for her family and bear the burden of possibly not having enough time, money, help, love etc. We live in a society where it is ok for men to make babies and be completely responsible for them (full time or otherwise). Where there are dudes that are boys trying to be men by whatever example they find. It is a cycle that continues and not completely understood. So yeah, that sister considers herself independent and it is idolized which is not a bad thing but she is something else when she not capable of appreciating a good man when he comes her way because she is conditioned to take care of self. She doesn’t know any different. She builds walls and doesn’t allow herself to let a man be a man and may not be able to recognize it at all because she can do it all herself because she is Miss Independent or goes back to her being Miss Independent – Yes there is something about her and no she cannot spend any time. I love Ne-Yo and don’t get me wrong but is there really something about her. All through the song he doesn’t really say anything truly positive or uplifting. However it does sound good and I have nothing against a woman that is her own boss. In fact I embrace it but I am not really referring to a woman being her person. I am more so referring the dynamic of roles in relationships and how we play them.

Let’s be honest for a second even if we agree to disagree, it is cool. No one wants to be alone and we all want to have our own identities. We want to be able to fend for ourselves and take care of ourselves. We want to be all that we can be. I am thankful for the day where a woman can have jobs that were once looked upon as man’s work. I embrace that fact that women as a whole embrace being able to get an education, work for themselves and purchase their own homes. It is wonderful that we live in a country where a woman can run for president. Yes all of these things are wonderful especially when once upon a time women were not able to do so. YAY LADIES!!! It is indeed a blessing and with all of that in mind that we can be liberated/ independent. We can do it all but we are not men. We are women that should conduct ourselves as such. Men and women are different. We not only have different parts but different views. This woman just happens to believe that INDEPENDENCE doesn’t have to define me. Whereas I don’t believe that I need a man to define me I would like to have one that I can say that is evenly yoked. I believe that Jill Scott said best when she “And even though I can do all these things, I need you…” It is so true.

The Fact Is (I Need You) - Jill Scott

Thank You Ms. Horne

 

"I was unique in that I was a kind of black that white people could accept," she once said. "I was their daydream. I had the worst kind of acceptance because it was never for how great I was or what I contributed. It was because of the way I looked."  Lena Horne

 

Legendary Lena Horne died today (May 9, 2010) at the ripe age of 92.  How wonderful is it to live for 92 years through it all.  Life is full of so much opportunity that we do not take advantage of especially in the Black community.  We lack pride as a culture and do not always recognize the struggle that was endured for our well being.  We do not always listen to the words of ALL of those before us.  We do not take the time to educate ourselves about being black (african american, colored, negro). 

"I was always battling the system to try to get to be with my people.
Finally, I wouldn't work for places that kept us out ...
it was a damn fight everywhere I was, every place I worked,
in New York, in Hollywood, all over the world,"
she said in Brian Lanker's book

"I Dream a World: Portraits of Black Women Who Changed America."

I was lucky, as many of my generation was, in having a man like Dr. King in our lives. He came at a time that we needed to take a long look at each other and see how similar we were.  Every color I can think of and nationality, we were all touched by Dr. King because he made us like each other and respect each other. 

I remember the day Dr. King died. I wasn't angry at the beginning. It was like something very personal in my life had been touched and finished.

"I wouldn't trade my life for anything," she said,

"because being black made me understand." Lena Horne

PSA #201: Wack Ass Women (Get Your Act Together)

I am sick and tired of wack as women!!! 

Get your act together!!!

There is an epidemic of women that do not feel like that should take responsibilty for themselves.  They have babies (yes plural), dont work, get all kind of assistance, take opportunities to live off someone else, get child support, steal, lie and dont give a damn who they hurt in the process.

It is like that moment when you see the woman on Maury stating her case.  Her hair is well put together, her clothes look fantastic and quite possibly looks like she should be a nice, well put together woman.  Anyway, she pleads her case and goes on and on - then Maury says YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER.  the story generally ends there ans she starts crying out of embarrassment.  We very rarely hear the man's point of view. after all she did change his life - she filed for child support, harrassed him, his current somebody, his mother, siblings and possible broke the window out his car.  She even brought him on TV to attempt to embarras him but what does she do when she has to deal with her lack of carefulness.  Why is it that its ok

Why is that some women take the time to damage men?  This I will never know.  He is a nice guy and takes care of business.  He even wants to be with her even though she has other kids.  He wants to make it work.  He feels that she is worth it but then again he is too nice.  She learns to take advanatage and for a while he lets her but when is enough... enough?  She moves on and neglects his feelings but keeps him dangling just in case.  Why does he settle?  What is so great about this wack ass woman?

How is it that a man can be a good father, be ther for his child, do for his child and then get put into a situation where he is not able to take care of himself. Get a job - Shady ass women that do whatever it takes to get over - Child Support is for the child not for you to take care of your responsibilities.  Someone I love dearly is being manipulated and cheated by a wack as women.  He has his responsibility in the situation but this is not about him.

Then there are those WACK AS WOMEN that feel the need to sneak and creep.  STOP looking for shit that may not be there.  Don't sabotage your relationships by showing your insecure self.  If you feel the need to go through his email, his phone, his pockets, his personal anything  what does that say about you?  Why are you with him?  Do you not have anything else better to do than go behind this man?  Why do you insist on making something be there?  There are good men out there that do believe in monogamy, in being loyal, in being respectful, in being respectful etc.  You WACK ASS WOMEN need to recognize and respect who you are so you can stop being wack.

So this is for that woman that doesnt feel the need to be a good woman.  WOMAN UP and GROW UP!!!  Stop being drama, get a job and take care of yourself.  Don't depend on your pussy to do it for you. STOP making that man have to be malicious  GROW UP!!!

I am freckles and I approve this message.

Enjoy Your Piece – An Ode to THAT stupid Woman (Round II)

Hello, may I speak to Barbara Barbara, this is Shirley You might not know who I am But the reason I am calling you is because I was going through my Old man`s pockets this morning And I just happened to find your name and number

So woman to woman I don`t think it`s being anymore than fair To call you and let you know Where I`m coming from

Now Barbara I don`t know how you`re gonna take this But whether you be cool Or come out of a bag on me You see it doesn`t really make any difference

But it`s only fair that I let you know that The man you`re in love with He's mine

Woman to Woman – Shirley Brown

"HELLO BARBARA, THIS IS SHIRLEY I WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT THE MAN ... NOW WAIT A MINUTE SHIRLEY I'M A YOUNG WOMAN AND CAN'T AFORD TO ALL THE THINGS YOU DO FOR THIS MAN I DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB AND I CAN'T BUY HIS CLOTHES, PAY HIS CAR NOTES AND I SURELY CAN'T KEEP MONEY IN HIS POCKET BUT I CAN GIVE HIM WHAT HE NEEDS, WHEN HE NEEDS IT AND THAT'S ALL HE EXPECTS FROM ME" I CAN GIVE HIM LOVE FROM HIS WOMAN TO YOU THERE IS A THING OR TWO I'D LIKE TO SAY I DON'T CARE WHO CLAIMS THIS MAN I'M GONNA LOVE HIM IN A WAY ... WOMAN TO WOMAN HE SPENT LAST NIGHT WITH ME STAYED HERE CAUSE THIS IS WHERE HE WANTED TO BE FROM HIS WOMAN TO YOU I'VE GOT TO MAKE IT JUST PLAY AS I CAN SEEMS TO ME YOU'RE DOING TO MUCH FOR THE MAN FROM HIS WOMAN TO YOU THAT YOU BEGGING LOVING IT'S GIVING UP YOURSELF AND I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU I DON'T MIND SHARING IF YOU DON'T BOTHER ME I WON'T BOTHER YOU FROM HIS WOMAN TO YOU Barbara Mason – From His Woman To You

(The Response to Woman to Woman)

There is an epidemic of stupid women that feel the need to show off their piece of man. Oh you think you wanna fight? Bitch please, He isn't man enough for me. I wasn't the one but apparently you are… TAGE YOU'RE IT!

I once was a jealous of folks well let me scratch that – envious of people with seemingly perfect relationships. You see them out all happy and holding hands. They generally smiling and seem to have it together. There are even times when I have seen women with men and men with women and wondered why is he with her or why is she with him. Why? Why? Tell them that it is human nature. (shout out MJ and may he one day RIP) - It's human nature, which it is and I am sure that I am not the only one. I digress à As a single woman, I often thought about why I am single or what is it that I am not doing right. But to be honest, it's somewhat by choice. There are some things that I am not willing to deal with or do without in a relationship. I deserve an entire man not just a piece that I have to pay for. I once told my grandmother that I saw an old boyfriend out with his new girlfriend. They looked happy together and in my hater mode (yeah, I am being honest) I looked at her and she was cute but not as cute as me. My immediate thought was "wow, you want her instead of me huh? " I told my grandmother about what I had seen and joked that he wasn't this and I didn't like that. She in return laughed and then told me not to ever be jealous or envious of someone else's relationship because you don't know what they deal with to be with each other. I didn't understand at the time but as I have gotten older I now realize what she was talking about.

Now looking back at that conversation with my grandmother I am able to look at relationship situations with wiser eyes. I have seen women go through great lengths not to be alone. They go along with whatever and however in order to say "he's my man". As the song above, Shirley called Barbara to say hey I take care of him like he is my kid and not a grown ass man because I love him and Imma need you to back off heffa (truly summarizes but I am sure that you get the point). Then Barbara responds back and says girl, I can't do all that and he doesn't expect any of that from me but I love him and I am not trying to go anywhere but if you look the other way we gonna do what we do and you do what ya'll do and we gonna be cool (again summarized but you get the point). It makes me think – how much were they willing to put up with to have THAT man?

All I could come up with was he musta had a powerful, means, austitatious, perfect, perm sweating, back popping, toe curling, I must stretch before we get started ooooh…. well you were thinking the same thing. He musta because I just don't see going back and forth about a man that is only a PIECE of man to not only me but to you AND you take care of him. WOAH!!! I am all about support, love, encourage, uplift, treat, sex, contribute, caress, kiss, work, care, open, temptation, lust and all the rest of the fabulous adjectives that compile into a "wonderful" relationship but one word that does not fit is shared. I don't have the desire to share a man with any other woman. That is not what we should to be about. Nor do I feel the desire to take care of man that does not respect my care for him or my love. My love is to be valued and not mishandled. On the contrary I can't speak for another. I don't want a piece of man but to each her own.

How is your peace when you recognize that your piece has a side piece? How does it feel when you are no longer the only woman in his life. He dips out and has his fun. He has his girls on the side and relationships that becomes personal and intimate. Extremely intimate and very personal. You saw it all. The secret life of how he was with her. How turned on he was by her and all of your attributes. You went through it all. The pictures, videos and all the emails. Did you check the chat conversations too? I am sure that she could tell you how he likes it but I am sure that you read about it. Their escapades and many rendezvous. He was full into her on your dime. The trips and mini vacations. She was a part of his life and you watched silently for as long as you could. You spoke to her and she told you everything and still you hold on to your piece since she was not willing to settle. You keep him kept and at this point I almost can't be mad at him for saying whatever he said to stay your piece. How long do you participate in this love that is all of your own especially when he needs you more than you need him? He is missing in action doing his thing with someone other than you yet you hold on. It's no longer her but what makes you think that he'll be true to this time or there is not another. Why? Are you scared of being alone or do you feel like MOKENSTEF – he is yours, she may have had him once but you got him all the time? LOL!!! And yes I ask Why?

How much is enough? How much are you willing to sacrifice in order to have the piece of man? Take care of him. Let him live under your roof where you pay the mortgage, lights, water and gas. Let him eat your food that you buy. Take him on vacations that you pay for. This is not a huge deal to me but I do wonder how often do you look the other way? How often do you allow him to use and abuse you? I don't mean physically but emotionally and possibly mentally. This has to be an exhausting process to love someone that does not love you back they way that you want or deserve to be loved.

I say all this to say kudos and accolades to you. As Rihanna once said Take a Bow. This show was so entertaining and now I feel the desire to be sick (in fact I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit). What everyone seems to think looks good and full of black love isn't really all that great. However it looks good and that is quite a performance on your behalf. He is only being himself but you have to be an academy award winning actress to pull this shit off. It's sad that you don't feel your worth but hell you got a man and I don't so who am I to judge you. However I don't have a man or even a piece of man because I am worth more than a piece. But I sarcastically applaud you and all the women that feel the need to have a taste for shit and a piece of man long term. You all deal with deal with whatever in order to have a piece of man but hey they say someone else's trash is someone's treasure.

PEACE OUT - FRECKLES