Crush...

I still crush at this ripe age of 32 (though I will be 33 in a little over a week).  I love men especially black men.  There are so many different complexions, shapes and sizes of… men.  I love the walk of a man, of course his shoes.  You can tell a lot about a man by his shoes.  It is all in the small details.  I love the way a man looks at the world.  I sometimes find myself watching man and wondering what’s on their minds.  I have a curious spirit.  I particularly love a way a man smells.  A good smelling man is just all sorts of wonderful.  Have you ever been involved with someone and just sometimes just smell them when they weren’t around?  I use to love the way my ex smelled and would spray my sheets with some of his everyday cologne when he was away.  It was special for me to lay in my bed and just smell him in my sheets.  He was a truck driver so he was a way a lot but it made me feel close to him.  I love a good dressing man.  He doesn’t have to be all suited and booted but one that cares of his appearance is nice.  The standard jeans and tshirt are overrated.  There has got to be a bit more or more refined to his style.  Versatility is key.  A man that has that has my attention.   

I think a good crush is healthy and keeps me soft.  The healthy is that I know that I can feel something for someone that I am not directly involved with and have that school girl giddy feeling (butterflies by Starrla).  There is something sexy about a woman being soft.  I think that there are too many hard women in the world.  Don’t get me wrong I understand that life has a way of happening and how we choose to deal with it is what it is.  We have been used, abused, betrayed, hurts, frustrated amongst other things.  There has been a one that has made us rethink how we interact and/or that moment of “you are so not who I thought you were”.    It’s emotional.  We don’t always directly deal with our emotions and how they impact us sometimes changes our demeanor.   I have been that woman.  I have been hurt but I choose to still believe in love and that all men aren’t like that one or three that may have been no so pleasant in my life.  Why generalize all by those few that don’t understand my worth hence why they’re in the past?  Soft. 

Just a thought.

Stick a pen in that, we may come back to that one day for another post.

I don’t see nothing wrong with a little crush.  [Yeah, I said nothing and I know it should be anything but in this moment I am channeling R. Kelly]  In fact it can be harmless or it could be something conquered.   I have a few harmless crushes such as the fedex guy.  He is a cutie and has an awesome personality but there is nothing really to it.  Then there is the crush that makes me wanna just…just… be recognized.  Recognized as to say hey dude, do you see me and my awesomeness.  I kind of just let it take its course and await an opportunity to present itself to have a personally intimate conversation.  I believe that he may need to know me and yes it is moreso about me than he.  Yeah, it’s kind of selfish but after all it is MY crush…initially.  I have a mouthpiece.   I am blessed with words and I have a way with using them.  I speak direct for the most part and say something that may not be thought to be said out loud.  (sometimes manish but it’s in the MOJO). Talking my way into things/situations has been a gift but it has been a curse when not used constructively or wisely but thank goodness I have grown from that portion of my me.  However there have been times when it is true that “you need to know me” but then I realize that I don’t really need to know him in the mental sense. Conquest.

So, yeah there is something wonderful about a crush.