May 16: MY opinion on MY body and how comfortable I am in it

A few years ago I was over 200 pounds.  I thought I was real cute and the weight wasn’t much of a factor.  So I thought.  I carried it well and I wasn’t sloppy but I was heavy.  I began to feel heavy and it was starting to really think about it.  It was the moment when I almost had to buy a size 18.  I was about an 18 and it began to feel a little tight.  I didn’t want to buy bigger jeans and one point I began not to wear pants due to the size.  I am only 5’2 ¼.

I have always been rather athletic.  I grew up running track and playing soccer.  I did some karate for while.  My Daddy was way into martial arts and the discipline factor.  I had an amazing body in my teens and it carried somewhat into college but then I stopped running and that freshmen 15 turned into 25 but it was still not too bad.  I believe the weight gain happened after college when I began working.  I was working as a manager for EXPRESS and I fell off a ladder.  My left ankle swell hugely and it left me unable to walk.  I did everything but break it (hairline heel strain, torn ligaments and tendons.  I laid up for while and not very much exercise.  I wasn’t able to wear heels.  I got really sad during this time as well.  I was on workers comp for a while.  I blew up some then to on top of the additional that I already additionally carried.  My mother typed me a letter detailing her concerns about my weight.  She said that the letter was better to my defense.  There wasn’t a conversation needed.  I still have the letter.

While in Atlanta I got a little bigger then I finally saw a picture.  Pictures do not lie and I finally saw me in a different light.  Life has a way of happening.  I finally saw me as me and needed to be a better me.  I began being a bit more conscious.  I began to lose.  Then my daddy died and the devastation allowed me to see me more.  Grief gave me insomnia and insomnia gave me working out.  They say exercise is an anti depressant and I needed all that I could get.  As of today, two years later,  I have lost about 50 pounds.  I am down to a good weight which was better before the holidays where I dived into some bad habits and gained about 10 pounds and it gained back rather funky. 

I am in the process in getting that under control and I would like to lose an additional 15 pounds but 20 would be more ideal.  I need to tap into my discipline.  I feel good about me.  I am more comfortable in my skin again.  I am feeling my sexy again.  It was more genuine.  I am getting into a good place.  Thankfully, I was once an athlete and legs never leave you.  They are toned up again.  I have great legs.  My legs are one of my strongest attributes besides these freckles.