Friday, November 26, 2010

Not the Mama, Not the Mama!

Every little girl doesn’t grow up wanting to be a mother. While some little girls play with dolls and kitchen sets others play with cars and climb trees. Some grow up seeking adventure, designer suits and corporate jobs while traveling the world while others prefer to be soccer moms and staying home raising their children. Either way, it’s their prerogative. Some women love kids but don’t desire to have any of their own. Not to mention you don’t have to have a baby to be a mother (mother figure). Giving birth and having the responsibility of motherhood doesn’t make you more of a woman than one that decides not to. I am one of those girls that not only had my fair share of cabbage patch kids, Barbie’s, legos, hot wheels, skateboards, sports and now designer shoes, dresses, makeup, always ready to pack up onto my next adventure and I do not desire to be a mother.

I am constantly asked, “So, when are you going to have a baby?” or “why don’t you have any kids?” When I respond I do not plan on it some people tend to get instantly offended or defensive. **blank stare** Then the convincing begins as if I am being sold something. I don’t have any children and I do not aspire to have a baby though I would like to be married one day. I would marry a man with children and I believe that I could be a good step mother but that is a totally different situation that may not be as easy as having my own. It’s not like I do not like kids, I just do not want to do that. I do not have that aspiration and that so called clock is not ticking until forever. Not to mention, I enjoy being the most awesomest auntie (TT) ever!!!

Please let me further explain…

My younger sister has wanted to be a wife and mother since she was a teenager. She knew that is what she wanted and aspire to be such. When she met the man that was her forever, they conversed and planned their family. They now have 2 very gorgeous kids (a boy 6 and a girl 8 months), though I may be a little biased but they are gorgeous kids. She is very much into her kids and is a wonderful mother. I have watched her with her children and see the love all over her. It is in the way that she looks at them and holds them. I can see the love in the way that she simply watches over them. It is beautiful. However I do not yearn for that feeling.

One of my oldest girlfriend’s from high school is a mother of a two year old beauty that I have truly bonded with which is pretty cool. I am so in love with her. In a conversation, she shared that she was just felt ready. She wanted to be a mother and loves each and every minute of it accept when her daughter wants to be all up on her when she is not in the mood but technically still in those moments too. I have seen she and her daughter interact while we are at functions or in large groups and its adorable to see them involved with only each other as if the world does not exist. They are so in love with each other and just simply marvelous yet I am not particularly interested for myself.

There is a friend that I went to college with that use to be on the no motherhood crusade with me once upon a time. After we graduated, she got married to a man that already had a child. She said that it was difficult but it was still ideal. A few years later, she had a handsome son. Every now and then we have a conversation on the phone and he seems to truly enjoy talking to me. It’s kind of cool. I have heard her speak of not really knowing life without him and I cannot easily relate. She has stated several time that she could imagine her life without him even though he gets on her nerves and is always right there talking to her about whatever all the time. He is a mama’s boy. She is crazy about him. She says that it is different when it is your own child and it is a lot of work being a wife, mother and friend while still remaining an individual in the process. She also proclaims that when I meet the right man that I may change my mind. – blank stare-

She could be right. I suppose that it could happen and it would explain my single status thus far in life. I haven’t met him yet and honestly, I do not really see how he would encourage me to change my mind or consider having a baby. IF it happens, I am ok (uhm, yeah that sounds good but I really prefer not to). I would like to not be single the rest of my days and I do not have an issue with men that already have kids (1-4, which is pushing it but given the circumstance) especially since it is my preference to not have any kid of my own. A man shouldn't miss on fatherhood by being with me however babies once we are already together are a deal breaker. Let’s not get crazy.

I think that I have the potential to be a good mother. I do not have a major issue with children at all in fact I really like little people. I just don’t wanna and it is not on my TO DO LIST by any means. However I do not knock women that want to do that. It’s cool and seems to be a wonderful experience. To each her own. I just do not feel that I should have to explain myself or get the lecture on how I am doing my role as woman such a disservice by not creating a life. I do not feel as if I should be scrutinized, ridiculed, chastised or any other thing because I’m not the mama... It’s just my choice – my choice.


tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

to each their own. lol. don't let people cast their pregnancy stones at you. it's not unusual & it's your prerogative.

Freckles said...

Dude, I continually have this conversation and just had it at work the other day. It's amazing how some folks can criticize what I do or dont with my body and life. It is my perogative and I choose. It is what it is shawty.

BareFoot Countessa said...

This post made me giggle in parts for some of the humour you habe thrown into the post. The reality is the having a child and being maternal are not necessarily connected thats why some choose not to embark on motherhood. And yes family can do your nut sometimes with the when are gonna get a boyfriend/girlfriend blah blah blah. And it is certainly not a life choice whicj should be dictated or shoved down one's throat. Indeed it is your choice so own it!

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