It started off with random text
messages during the late night hours with mild sexual innuendos in which I
chose to ignore and charge it to drunken texting. Maybe he didn’t mean that for me. No worries. Then the too long hug as a greeting or
goodbye. Response: The firm smiling pull back and playful push
or hit went unnoticed or uncared for which lead to after hour invites, facebook
remarks and ugh comments at the house function. In rebuttal or absolute effort
to salvage the wonderful friendship conversations began to be more frequently
about other undesired advances – one in particular about a mutual acquaintance
which seemed to yield his behavior for a while but little did anyone know that
he was setting up for the whammy.
He
went all the way beside himself and lost his mind. He attempted to cop a feel, rub a leg, then an
arm, caress the stomach and an accidental purpose filled braise of a
nipple.
Dude! Seriously.
You ain't slick
homie.
So your bad. Soooooooooooooooooo your bad.
Dude, so not into you like
that. You are so into the friend zone
that you were the reason that the word platonic was created in the first
place. There is absolutely no chance of
ever being anything other than the big homie.
Dude, if I had a dick it would go limp at the thought of being anything
more than your friend with no hope of hardening. My nipples tuck and hide when I look at
you. There are no thoughts of any sort
of sexual anything and realistically a chest to chest hug is truly pushing it
as it is now. There is no tinge of
desire. Dude, all moisture evaporates
until my skin begins to itch from dryness but I can’t scratch for feat that someone
would think that I had an issue. My back, neck and shoulders tense up immediately
as if they expect something unpleasant whenever you are around.
You are just a friend. however at this very moment you are truly pushing the category. You kind sir will ONLY ever be JUST a friend. Period.
Exclamation point with no question mark.
If you can’t handle your role- say that and we can shake hands and go our
separate ways with no hard feelings.
GET IT TOGETHER. Please and thank you.
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