PART 1
EX
1: I held you, your thoughts, your feelings, your ambition, your lust and
your passion close along with your lack of drive, all of your pride and that
sad excuse for love that you had for me. We went day by day after all
those years. I gave all
that I could to you and for you. I
embrace your dreams and your hope and tried to do all I could to uplift you,
encourage you and keep you focused on our future. I am so busy loving and caring and
trying to be all for you that I lose track of my own happiness and what I
needed. How long must I set
myself aside and possibly miss out on someone that may be for me for the fact
that I love you more than it seems that you love yourself. Rhetorical. Day after day I loved you regardless
of you being mine to love. I
love you regardless of what it has cost. I tried to love you enough to
compensate for this world that is so cruel and seems too unfair to you so you
said. I loved until it hurt
when I don’t know if you are ok because you are not answering the phone when I called. Not knowing
where you were, if something had happened or if your karma has caught up with
you. I love you until it
hurts from worry and tears that wet my pillow where I lay scared that something
has happened to you or wondering how I can help you. My tears have filled and
now my cup runneth over. It’s
time for a release but I can’t seem to let go. I love you and it hurts so badly when once upon a time it was so good and it gave me multiples.
When fucking you made me feel close and safe and that it was us sharing our
love with each other. Now I
can’t seem to release. Release
all the emotions, thoughts feelings that hold me hostage to the possibilities
of who I thought you were. I
can’t let go and it hurts so bad. I loved you so much that prayed for you
almost more than I prayed for myself as if my salvation was enough for the
both of us. All of this and
for what? I cannot seem to
get a return on my investment and now I can’t seem to let go but now I'm
leaving. It hurts as bad as
I feel the words of Ms. Hill and it coincides with Jill’s slowly surely. Slowly
surely. Slowly surely. I
walk away. If only you
believed in you as I believe in you and you would see yourself worth as I see
that loving you has always been worth it even though you have never been mine
to love. I try to love you
enough for the both us but it turns out that it is never really enough. Woe is
me and I can stand this shit and all I really want you to do is man up but
again I love you as you are full of flaws and with too much love for them same
streets that keep me up at night worried about you and knowing that you may not
even be thinking about me. How
long do I compromise my heart and my happiness for love that only truly exist
in my heart alone and leaves me empty all by myself? The kind of love I do not deserve but
hold onto because it’s apart of you and I settled to have a piece of you with
no true purpose. Then one day it all just clicked. I grew into me and recognized my own
worth.
~LOVE, Curiosity and My Freckled Words...~
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